bridesmaid dilemma--need opinions, please!

octobride Posted: Jun 07, 2005 02:03 PM

bridesmaid dilemma--need opinions, please!

LFitzy79 Posted: Jun 07, 2005 02:06 PM

Re: bridesmaid dilemma--need opinions, please!

Tell her that you don't want her to have to rush like that, that she should pick one affair and enjoy it from start to finish. Not to mention that there are things during your wedding that won't happen within the first hour (cake cutting, bok toss, etc. ) I would tell her that either way, it's ok with you...but that you want her to go to yours or her cousins-and that there will be no hard feelings....good luck. Sorry that this happened.

ssdbk Posted: Jun 07, 2005 02:10 PM

Re: bridesmaid dilemma--need opinions, please!

I wouldn't mind her doing that--but not as a bridesmaid. I would tell her that's fine if she wants to do it that way, but then she should be a regular guest and not a BM.

wendyz06 Posted: Jun 07, 2005 02:13 PM

Re: bridesmaid dilemma--need opinions, please!

I think that you should go with your feelings and tell her to choose. It will be better for her anyway because one wedding is enough but two weddings in one day will probably drive her insanse! Good luck!

nferrandi Posted: Jun 07, 2005 02:34 PM

Re: bridesmaid dilemma--need opinions, please!

I think you shouold make her chose, but don't make it like your friendship depends on it. I learned the hard way that even though my wedding was the most important thing to me, it wasn't to all of my BM- they have their own lives and own set of priorities.
If she chooses her cousins wedding, then I think you have the right to be upset, but you don't have the right to be mad.

octobride Posted: Jun 07, 2005 02:39 PM

Re: bridesmaid dilemma--need opinions, please!

troutster Posted: Jun 07, 2005 03:26 PM

Re: bridesmaid dilemma--need opinions, please!

I think she should choose just one wedding to go to. If she really wants to split it up and do both then just explain that maybe she shouldn't be in the bridal party. There is no point in her buying a dress and all the stuff to be in your wedding when she will only be there for a short amount of time. It it was me I wouldn't want her to be a bm in my wedding for only an hour or so.

dpli Posted: Jun 07, 2005 03:31 PM

Re: bridesmaid dilemma--need opinions, please!

Posted by ssdbk

I wouldn't mind her doing that--but not as a bridesmaid. I would tell her that's fine if she wants to do it that way, but then she should be a regular guest and not a BM.

ditto

leese Posted: Jun 07, 2005 03:33 PM

Re: bridesmaid dilemma--need opinions, please!

Posted by octobride

Nah - I'm not mad at her. We've been good friends for too long for that.

I'm totally fine with her going to her cousin's wedding. I just don't feel right having a BM who can't stay for a whole wedding.

I'm curious how y'all feel about this sort of thing--am I being a pill here?

not at all. i really think you should just give her the option. say 'i really love you, want you to be there for the whole wedding. but it's your cousin and i understand so if you want to back out of being a bridesmaid, so you can go to that wedding, then that's cool with me. maybe she can do a reading for you and then go to her cousin's wedding if she really wants to. or just go to their wedding but do all the pre-stuff too.

Mrs. dleeny Posted: Jun 07, 2005 03:35 PM

Re: bridesmaid dilemma--need opinions, please!

Find a new BM!

good luck!

cindyandkevin Posted: Jun 07, 2005 03:37 PM

Re: bridesmaid dilemma--need opinions, please!

I agree with what the other girls are saying. It just doesn't make sense for her to be a BM and only attend 1 hour of your reception, $$ alone doesn't make it worth it! Plus, having to up and travel to Baltimore for wedding #2 would be a real hassle, even as just a regular guest. If she's never been a BM b4 she prob doesn't really realize what it is that you're asking of her, so maybe you should explain your expectations and then ask her to choose.

SuzBride Posted: Jun 07, 2005 03:40 PM

Re: bridesmaid dilemma--need opinions, please!

I would probably just tell her that you understand if she wants to go to both weddings, but if that is the case then you can't have her in your wedding party. Simple as that.

Janice Posted: Jun 07, 2005 03:40 PM

Re: bridesmaid dilemma--need opinions, please!

I would make her chose, either she is an all night BM, or a guest at both weddings. please don't be offended if she does not chose to be a BM, it is a lot of work and committments, and she will be doing what she thinks is best.

TEDNJENN Posted: Jun 07, 2005 05:03 PM

Re: bridesmaid dilemma--need opinions, please!

i agree

pinkstar025 Posted: Jun 07, 2005 05:06 PM

Re: bridesmaid dilemma--need opinions, please!

Posted by ssdbk

I wouldn't mind her doing that--but not as a bridesmaid. I would tell her that's fine if she wants to do it that way, but then she should be a regular guest and not a BM.

I agree

she really should just choose one

mrsgtobe Posted: Jun 07, 2005 05:43 PM

Re: bridesmaid dilemma--need opinions, please!

I don't think you're being a pill at all! You have every right to expect that your bridesmaids will attend your entire wedding.

As all of the other girls said, you should really make her choose. Either she attends half of your wedding as a regular guest and then leaves for her cousin's wedding OR she attends your entire wedding as a BM and declines the invite to her cousin's wedding.

I can sympathize with your friend about not ever having been in a BP before and not knowing what is really the 'right' thing to do...when I was in my first BP, I was the only out of state BM and I made quite a few etiquette mistakes!! Thank goodness the bride (my best friend) was so understanding.

Good luck with your friend...I'm sure everything will work itself out.

suven Posted: Jun 07, 2005 05:46 PM

Re: bridesmaid dilemma--need opinions, please!

no no no. She can't be a bridesmaid. Forget it!!! The LAST thing you need to be worried about ON YOUR WEDDING DAY is rushing to take pictures because one of the bridesmaids has to go to ANOTHER wedding.

nope nope nope...

mbm750 Posted: Jun 07, 2005 05:55 PM

Re: bridesmaid dilemma--need opinions, please!

She can't be a bridesmaid and go to her cousin's wedding - I would force a choice. One of GH's GM is in the same boat and we made him choose - thankfully, he picked us, but we were prepared to understand if he didn't - we just wanted a solid decision because if he did attempt to do both, I know it would stress me out and IMO that's the last thing you need the day of...