bridesmaid disorder ( LONGGGGG sorry)

Well first of all i probably made two bad decisions right off the bat:
1. choosing my bridal party the DAY we got engaged and calling them all and asking a year and a half ago...2 1/2 yrs BEFORE my wedding
2. having all the girls get their dresses a year ahead of time....to save about $65 each.

SO one of my closest friends for MANY years ( who also introduced me and FH) has not returned a single phone call from me in about 5 months...last time i spoke to her was when i FINALLY got her to come try the dress and see what she though....she put a deposit down and it was ordered. really in the past year and a half i have spoken to her maybe 4 or 5 times. neadless to say we spoke EVERY NIGHT for like 4 years straight. now i call her every week..home cell, email...i caught her online 2 weeks ago and asked quick where she has been....and she said she never gets my messages....well first of all she has caller ID on BOTH phones and second of all shouldnt she want to call me regardless considering its been MONTHS since she has talked to her BEST FRIEND! well she wont return a call of course still AND my cousins bridal shop closed on monday night..so i had to go pay for her dress $110 balance and pick it up....so what do i do now? my sister (moh) got pissed and called her mom this morning who said she was working until 2 and assumed she would want to be in the wedding still....but she had to feed a friends dog tonight since they are away so will have her TRY to call back ( HELLO you have a CELL PHONE call while you feed him or on your way or your lunch break SOMETIME ...well its 5 now and she hasnt called back me or my sister....and my sister told her mom if she did not call back by this evening we will assume she does not want to be in the wedding....

i really am a nice person and cannot give one of my best friends a hard time like this.....it kills me...but i mean isnt SHE really the one screwing ME? i want to cry every minute and i am SO upset..just needed to vent

im stressed and prob spelt everything backwards...SORRY!

-a depressed bride

Re: bridesmaid disorder

Wow- that's really rude of her! Maybe you should just forget bout having her in your BP. She doesn't seem like a very good friend anyway!

Re: bridesmaid disorder ( LONGGGGG sorry)

i want to ditch her now...since really that is what she is doing to me.....but i feel bad doing that to her...i really just need a slap in the face......

but i DO have her dress now...which I PAID FOR.....

i need a drink

Re: bridesmaid disorder

First off, don't take this the wrong way, but what do you consider a best friend? Your expectations seem pretty low in friendships? What kind of friend would screen their phone calls for months? If she has always been a different friend otherwise then I would consider her possibly jealous? I think you are a good friend for considering her to even be a part of the most special day of your life. As a best friend, she should be contributing to the 'specialness' of your day, not by dodging the bride.

I would express these feelings to her via email, or even voicemail if it comes down to that. Be completely honest, that is what friendships entail. Good Luck

Re: bridesmaid disorder ( LONGGGGG sorry)

If you ever get ahold of her just talk it out. I mean you have her dress, what is there to loose? And as you said she has been a good friend for many years...sometimes, as hurt as it makes others, some people jsut get their heads stuck in the clouds for a while and fall off the face of the earth.

Re: bridesmaid disorder ( LONGGGGG sorry)

thanks.....i really DONT consider her a friend any morea and regret asking her....but in my mind she WAS like a sister we were SUCH great friends..its just the past year.....its just so weird

Re: bridesmaid disorder ( LONGGGGG sorry)

Unfortunately, I know exactly what you mean. I have a 'best' friend exactly like that. Every time I think of her, it makes me want to cry. We shared so much together, and now, its like I don't exist. I was a BM at her wedding, so I asked her to be a BM at mine.
I don't even mind that she is a BM and the only time we talk is if I call. Again and Again.
The reason I am really upset, and what I really miss, is our friendship. I wish we would be as we were. I have a lot of new friends since college, but I really miss her.

So I know how you feel. But, I've accepted it as life..

Re: bridesmaid disorder ( LONGGGGG sorry)

Im glad soemone doesnt think im crazy for being like this...its just sad..like i just lost my best friend for no reason...i just miss our friendship...but yes..we move on...

Re: bridesmaid disorder ( LONGGGGG sorry)

Re: bridesmaid disorder ( LONGGGGG sorry)

BEEN there too!!



I too choose my BP the same way..BIG mistake..IT has changed completly, and caused a lot of tension. Here's how I rationalized it...Even people you believe are your best friends are there when you call to chit chat, but when it comes down to actually BEING there for you, and making more room for you as a bride in their lives...well...some people just cant do it. It's sad but you have to accept it and either resume a friendship or move on. I truly found out which one of my friends really are THERE for me during this process of planning a wedding. I have some girls who have gone with me to a million places, done a million things, and made time for me. Others I still haven;t seen once or had to push to do the simplest thing.

All I can say is that , try not to let this sadden your day. Remember all the people that are there for you and move on. I hope she comes to her senses but if not, then don't waste time worrying or feeling hurt right now...

Good luck!!

Re: bridesmaid disorder ( LONGGGGG sorry)

Well...something is definately going on. Basically it's one of two things. Either she's jealous or you did something that you are unaware of that caused her to act this way. (It happens. Sometimes people deal with things by avoiding them.)

The best thing would be to talk to her face to base. But if you can't then I would send her a letter or an e-mail. I would 'put the blame on myself' and say that I felt like I was chasing her down to be my friend and that I was afraid that I did something that may have hurt her feeling and say how important she was to me. Maybe that will snap her out of it. And if something did happen, it opens the door to resolving it.

Good luck.

Re: bridesmaid disorder ( LONGGGGG sorry)

Sometimes things just happen. Nothing in particular, no jellousy, no notin, just growing apart. At least that is what happend with me and my friend. When I first got engaged, the first person I thought of being my BM her, and yet, now, when I pay attention to the level of interaction we have now, it seems sad....

So, I completely understand. Its unfortunate, but if misery loves company, I am there

Re: bridesmaid disorder ( LONGGGGG sorry)

well she left me a message now while i was at work (which she knew i was and in the past called me everyday AT work) and said she got a message from my sister and never got messages in the past and would call me back that night...i called her cell..it was turned off and left a detailed message explaining how I'VE been trying to call for several months jsut to say HI and now also we have the dress dilemma and to PLEASE jsut call me back....well 3 days later NADA STILL