ok, so all my girls are intelligent and polite people, they don't expect anything unreasonable or anything like that. the thing is i'm the first of the group getting married and i'm not sure they know of all the 'jobs' and expectations a bm has. not that i care, most of it can be worked out with little hassel, but i am afraid of the paying for your own dresses thing. like i said, they have pretty good common sense, but some haven't been in this situation before so i don't know where they stand. and we all know how touchy money can be, so i don't wanna be like 'you know you're all paying for your own dress, right?' cuz that's just rude, but i'd also like to address the topic before we get to the cashier. i was thinking of buying them a sort of 'guide to being a bridesmaid' type book as a 'will you be in the wedding party?' gift, and hoping they read it and their mothers guide them a bit, but still... it's not all of them either - my sisters are fine, one of my friends works weddings, and another has been in a bunch, but i'm worried about the others just because i don't want to offend anyone. any ideas? maybe ask a friend to have a convo with the other two to see where they stand and then go from there? maybe i'll do that... i dunno, this is kinda awkward...
just a little background info, i am letting them all pick out their own dresses. as long as they're in my colors and not incredibly flashy (hey, it is MY wedding j/k) it's fine by me. i figured this way they can pick something flattering to their figure and in their price ranges.
Espo22
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Re: bridesmaid dresses and paying?
The book is a good idea...Also, what you can do is talk to them about BM dresses, ask them so what colors do you all like and what style...Also, say to them well its up to you girls and what you feel comfortable with, i also want to make sure it is within all of your budgets and are comfortable with the prices of the dress. This way you're not telling them 'hey you have to pay for your dress' its just brought up casually in a conversation...Most will know though, and for those that don't the other girls in your bp who do know will let them know.
Pencils
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Re: bridesmaid dresses and paying?
i also want to make sure it is within all of your budgets and are comfortable with the prices of the dress.
ooh, that's good! Saves embarassment if any of them didn't know.
nifheim
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Re: bridesmaid dresses and paying?
Honestly i never heard of the bride paying for anything of the bp outfit. I have heard if you are asking a mother/father and child in the party maybe helping out with the child's garb which I even think is tacky.
When i asked my bp I just gave something like a token gift to ask them will you be my bridesmaid..etc.
I just sent a email out to both bridesmaids (one bridesmaid is the mother of my fg so she read the email also) about the dresses I liked and the colors I liked to get opinions. I told them it would be a range from what I could tell is $150-$200 plus shoes but its a black dress that is long so I told them whatever they want to wear is fine . The fg dress my mother offered to pay for since its my niece her granddaughter and she really wants to do it.
I also told my best man that I expect nothing of him but to show up in his tux and take pics and then enjoy the party. I told bridesmaids I only ask that you participate the most you want and just help out on the wedding day so i don't flip out. I told them I am planning my own Bach party because honestly It would work out best that way.
I don't think if you present a 'gift' for your bp asking them to be in the party with a book of the subject of being a bridesmaid is tacky. I would also inform them that you want them to buy something that they like and love and it must match this swatch. I think you really don't need to inform them they are paying for it.
snydl40
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Re: bridesmaid dresses and paying?
If you don't want to discuss it with them, I would have your MOH do it. Have her casually mention to them, to make sure they bring their deposits when they order their dresses-this way if there is any question about it, your MOH can tell them how it works.
melissas28
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Re: bridesmaid dresses and paying?
I plan on sending an email with a link to the knots' bridesmaid page. It has some pretty good information on it, and goes over basics like dresses and responsibilities. I sent my mom the link too (they have a mother of the bride page too) and she said it was helpful.
eelharas4700
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Re: bridesmaid dresses and paying?
i think the book sounds like a good ice breaker....it hints to everything you want to tell everyone!! when we did dresses, just about everyone has been in a wedding before so i wasn't really worried....im sure it will be fine. the book will just lock you in to ease.
drpepper318
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Re: bridesmaid dresses and paying?
I think for the bm dresses to avoid awkwardness you could say something like 'I just wanted to let you know that I'm picking a dress that's not too expensive because I don't want you to have to spend too much on it'... that's polite and they'll get the message.
betani
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Re: bridesmaid dresses and paying?
Posted by Espo22
The book is a good idea...Also, what you can do is talk to them about BM dresses, ask them so what colors do you all like and what style...Also, say to them well its up to you girls and what you feel comfortable with, i also want to make sure it is within all of your budgets and are comfortable with the prices of the dress. This way you're not telling them 'hey you have to pay for your dress' its just brought up casually in a conversation...Most will know though, and for those that don't the other girls in your bp who do know will let them know.
i like that. honestly, none of my girls are stupid and they probably all get this already, but i'm also paranoid and want to avoid as much awkwardness as possible. now that i'm thinking about this more clearly, i'll just have my other two friends make sure that everyone else knows about all this. gah, me and my paranoid self. thanks for the help girls. =0)
Espo22
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Re: bridesmaid dresses and paying?
Posted by betani
Posted by Espo22
The book is a good idea...Also, what you can do is talk to them about BM dresses, ask them so what colors do you all like and what style...Also, say to them well its up to you girls and what you feel comfortable with, i also want to make sure it is within all of your budgets and are comfortable with the prices of the dress. This way you're not telling them 'hey you have to pay for your dress' its just brought up casually in a conversation...Most will know though, and for those that don't the other girls in your bp who do know will let them know.
i like that. honestly, none of my girls are stupid and they probably all get this already, but i'm also paranoid and want to avoid as much awkwardness as possible. now that i'm thinking about this more clearly, i'll just have my other two friends make sure that everyone else knows about all this. gah, me and my paranoid self. thanks for the help girls. =0)
You're welcome and dont worry it will all go over well
PegaLega
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Re: bridesmaid dresses and paying?
I think buying the book is a great idea. You can also-when you do ask them-explain to them-i want to make sure before you say yes that you are fully aware of the expense involved. I did this with each of my girls this way they knew that I knew it was an expense in case they wanted to back out. Of course none of them did but you at least give them an out if they dont think they can afford it. Good Luck!
ETA: you can also tell them that once they pick a dress you will find out what kind of deposit THEY will need to put down, what the alterations will be this way they can be more prepared
