Bridesmaid Gift Advice

So, most of you know of the situation with one of my bridesmaids. She is the one that went bridezilla on me when I was her MOH because I did not ride the shuttle back to the hotel with her...

I helped throw her shower, purchased favors and organized her NYC bachelorette party that included private room dinner, burlesque club, NYC hotel stay at The Roosevelt Hotel and then had all the girls stay at my parents on LI so we could attend her shower the next day. We hosted a breakfast as well.

This bm (aka bridezilla who went ape shiiit on me on her wedding day)

1. Didn't come to my shower this past weekend.
2. is not coming to my bachelorette
3. did not send a shower gift or a card
4. did not help in anyway except for sending a 'mix cd' that had weird songs like Whitesnake's 'Here I go again...'

She lives in California and claims to be broke.... I flew out to her wedding in California gave her a very generous gift etc.

My question is, my bm's with my mother threw me the most amazing shower. She contributed nothing....

Do I not give her the same BM that I am giving all the other girls? and if I don't, how do I go about doing that?

TIA!!!

Cindy I would have kicked her *** out of the wedding when she went apeshiit on you. But you are much nicer than me.

what are you planning to give the girls? I definitely think your other BMs deserve nicer gifts for contributing. I know it's a weird situation to differentiate, especially if you plan on giving them all the gifts at the same time at the RD. but seriously if she's going to flip out on you then I think you have a very legit reason - she didn't help with the shower so you just want to recognize your BMs who DID help with a little something extra.

maybe you can still kick her out. if she claims to be broke i'm surprised she's dealing with the expense of being in the wedding at all. you just don't deserve stress from some self-centered biotch right before your wedding.

Yeah I vote TAKE HER OUT of the wedding..


She does not deserve a friend like you!

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Posted by snwb08

Cindy I would have kicked her *** out of the wedding when she went apeshiit on you. But you are much nicer than me.

what are you planning to give the girls? I definitely think your other BMs deserve nicer gifts for contributing. I know it's a weird situation to differentiate, especially if you plan on giving them all the gifts at the same time at the RD. but seriously if she's going to flip out on you then I think you have a very legit reason - she didn't help with the shower so you just want to recognize your BMs who DID help with a little something extra.

maybe you can still kick her out. if she claims to be broke i'm surprised she's dealing with the expense of being in the wedding at all. you just don't deserve stress from some self-centered biotch right before your wedding.

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I know... I honestly feel that I want to kick her out and I have a legit excuse.
'After my shower and seeing all of my friends and family celebrate with me. I've wonder what is the point of having you in the BP because you've put zero effort into this? I want to be surrounded by people who love me and support me on my wedding day.... And you've shown non of that to me...'

ugh....

I've gotten the girls
1. Robes
2. Marc Jacobs Tote Bags
3. Diane Von Furstenberg tank with pajama bottoms
4. Old Navy Flip Flops

I am getting my MOH and Matron of Honor necklaces or bracelets from Tiffany in addition to the tote bag of 'goodies.'

if she was my BM she would be gone by now.

but i know what you mean. i have some bridesmaids that are doing SO MUCh for me it makes me teary-eyed to think about it and then i have some that do nothing.

i say give them all equal gifts. but if there is one or 2 girls that really went out of their way maybe you could take them to get a massage with you as something extra for being extra helpful!

You didn't kick her OUT?!?!?!?!

Kick her out NOW. She obviously doesn't care about you at all. Think about that.

You're totally going to regret having her in your pictures. Everytime you look at them, you'll think about how much she hurt you. Because she hurt you Cindy. She's a mean and selfish person.

I agree with the others - you should ask her to step down because she clearly doesn't give a poo about you.

I was in a very similar situation except my BM lived in NY, not across the country. It got to the point where I really regretted asking her, but didn't want to make things worse by asking her to step down. Finally she crossed the line and I cut her loose.

While I'm sad that our friendship is over, it was apparently on her end long before. I'm so so so relieved I don't have to deal with her on my wedding day or have her in my pictures.

FM me later if you want to talk more, but put yourself first here. You don't deserve this. BTW, those are awesome BM gifts and she doesn't deserve them at all!

When I think about my other bridesmaids, i seriously get so teary because they put so much effort. One BM made custom menu cards another BM bought ten dozen roses to fill teapots, my MOH went above and beyond....

I am sitting here with a knot in my tummy. I know what I need to do but i'm scared... I'm such a chicken. This sux.

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Posted by Browneyesncute

Have you spoken to her about what happen at her weddding?

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Yes, she said her reaction was 'normal'....

I don't think cursing out her entire bridal party is normal....

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Posted by NapaValleyGirl

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Posted by Browneyesncute

Have you spoken to her about what happen at her weddding?

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Yes, she said her reaction was 'normal'....

I don't think cursing out her entire bridal party is normal....

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wow! I would give her less than the other girls, if u dont want to kick her out, show her less effort like she had done to u!

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Posted by NapaValleyGirl

When I think about my other bridesmaids, i seriously get so teary because they put so much effort. One BM made custom menu cards another BM bought ten dozen roses to fill teapots, my MOH went above and beyond....

I am sitting here with a knot in my tummy. I know what I need to do but i'm scared... I'm such a chicken. This sux.

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you're not a chicken... you're just nice and confrontation is never easy. At least she lives in CA; that makes it a little easier. Honestly, you don't want her there on your day. Look at how you feel about the others and how much they did for you.

i think there is a nice way to let her out of it and if she's nasty or bitchy then you know you made the right choice. we can discuss further over sangria if you'd like

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Posted by snwb08

you're not a chicken... you're just nice and confrontation is never easy. At least she lives in CA; that makes it a little easier. Honestly, you don't want her there on your day. Look at how you feel about the others and how much they did for you.

i think there is a nice way to let her out of it and if she's nasty or bitchy then you know you made the right choice. we can discuss further over sangria if you'd like

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Sangria will make it all better!!!!

She doesn't sound like a friend at all, certainly not the friend you deserve, especially after you went above and beyond for her!

I don't want to give you more to stress about, but at this point, the way she is handling this, are you sure she will even be at the RD, not to mention the wedding?

At this point, I don't think you should think twice about her stepping down. See you said you have knots in your stomach? You don't need to feel that way...she clearly isn't thinking twice about how you're feeling about all of this. And, chances are, if she can't make the effort for you now for your wedding, more than likely she won't after the wedding. So, do what is going to put yourself at ease! You deserve better than that.

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Posted by MyLobster

You can't expect this to be easy....it is DEFINITELY not an easy situation. Do you have any other ties to her through other friends or family? If you ask her to step down you are asking her to no longer be in your life (which I think may be the best thing!)

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nope, not other ties.... Even my parents, who are the nicest people in the WORLD, are really bitter about what happened. They were horrified when they found out what she did to me.

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Posted by Gigi08

She doesn't sound like a friend at all, certainly not the friend you deserve, especially after you went above and beyond for her!

I don't want to give you more to stress about, but at this point, the way she is handling this, are you sure she will even be at the RD, not to mention the wedding?

At this point, I don't think you should think twice about her stepping down. See you said you have knots in your stomach? You don't need to feel that way...she clearly isn't thinking twice about how you're feeling about all of this. And, chances are, if she can't make the effort for you now for your wedding, more than likely she won't after the wedding. So, do what is going to put yourself at ease! You deserve better than that.

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You're very sweet. thank you

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Posted by NapaValleyGirl

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Posted by Gigi08

She doesn't sound like a friend at all, certainly not the friend you deserve, especially after you went above and beyond for her!

I don't want to give you more to stress about, but at this point, the way she is handling this, are you sure she will even be at the RD, not to mention the wedding?

At this point, I don't think you should think twice about her stepping down. See you said you have knots in your stomach? You don't need to feel that way...she clearly isn't thinking twice about how you're feeling about all of this. And, chances are, if she can't make the effort for you now for your wedding, more than likely she won't after the wedding. So, do what is going to put yourself at ease! You deserve better than that.

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You're very sweet. thank you

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Aw, you're welcome! I didn't remember your date...you have some time to go. A couple of the girls here who had issues with a BM and cut them loose seem to have felt it was a big relief, even after having trouble making the decision to do so. It may be difficult for you because you are non-confrontational (I am the same way), but try to follow your heart...you will feel better about in the long run. Like one of the girls said, if she doesn't respond well and understand your feelings, then you can feel confident that you made the right decision.

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Posted by Gigi08

She doesn't sound like a friend at all, certainly not the friend you deserve, especially after you went above and beyond for her!

I don't want to give you more to stress about, but at this point, the way she is handling this, are you sure she will even be at the RD, not to mention the wedding?

At this point, I don't think you should think twice about her stepping down. See you said you have knots in your stomach? You don't need to feel that way...she clearly isn't thinking twice about how you're feeling about all of this. And, chances are, if she can't make the effort for you now for your wedding, more than likely she won't after the wedding. So, do what is going to put yourself at ease! You deserve better than that.

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absoloodle! ITA!

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Posted by snwb08

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Posted by Gigi08

She doesn't sound like a friend at all, certainly not the friend you deserve, especially after you went above and beyond for her!

I don't want to give you more to stress about, but at this point, the way she is handling this, are you sure she will even be at the RD, not to mention the wedding?

At this point, I don't think you should think twice about her stepping down. See you said you have knots in your stomach? You don't need to feel that way...she clearly isn't thinking twice about how you're feeling about all of this. And, chances are, if she can't make the effort for you now for your wedding, more than likely she won't after the wedding. So, do what is going to put yourself at ease! You deserve better than that.

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absoloodle! ITA!

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I hate to hear something like that...people are amazing.

Not to hijack the thread, but congratulations, Silvana! Did I miss a thread when you returned from your HM?