Bridesmaid Issue

JGOT79 Posted: Aug 13, 2007 09:46 PM

Bridesmaid Issue

One of my bridesmaids is puzzling me. When I asked her 2 months in advance to reserve a Saturday to come veil-shopping with me, she was cool with it. I made the appt at Kleinflelds as well. She then told me a few days before that she made a hair appt for that same Saturday and she would try to come in to join me. I let it go...she eventually showed up; unenthusiastic, but still showed up...My engagement party is in 2 weeks and she just informed me now that she may not make it....I am trying to be understanding, and look at the big picture...but I get the feeling she will not come to the shower and bachelorette too if it does not fit her schedule...it seems like something always comes up...does it look bad if one of the bridesmaids is not at the engagement party? I don't know what to say if people ask...perhaps this bothers me more because I was her bridesmaid and did a lot for her wedding? My fiancee says who cares, we will still have fun without her, but I feel like a schmuck. for making this person such a part of my wedding..Any thoughts? Can anyone relate?

lonal Posted: Aug 13, 2007 09:49 PM

Re: Bridesmaid Issue

Its pretty stinky that she is acting like this. Can you sit her down and tell her how you feel?

DananTodd Posted: Aug 13, 2007 09:50 PM

Re: Bridesmaid Issue

why don't you have a nice talk with her, explaining how you feel? Thats the road that I would go down....if she catches wind of how you feel from somebody else, even if it's innocent, it will only cause unwanted drama.. Trust me, nip it in the bud from now. But keep your grace and dignity intact. One thing I've learned is don't ever expect people to do for you what you did for them...it will only leave you disappointed! Good luck!

billandme Posted: Aug 13, 2007 09:53 PM

Re: Bridesmaid Issue

Posted by DananTodd

why don't you have a nice talk with her, explaining how you feel? Thats the road that I would go down....if she catches wind of how you feel from somebody else, even if it's innocent, it will only cause unwanted drama.. Trust me, nip it in the bud from now. But keep your grace and dignity intact. One thing I've learned is don't ever expect people to do for you what you did for them...it will only leave you disappointed! Good luck!

I agree completely I hope it all works out for you!

JGOT79 Posted: Aug 13, 2007 10:06 PM

Re: Bridesmaid Issue

Thanks for the responses girls...it's nice to hear other take on the situation.

DananTodd Posted: Aug 13, 2007 10:18 PM

Re: Bridesmaid Issue

No problem.

JillBride08 Posted: Aug 14, 2007 12:30 AM

Re: Bridesmaid Issue

My best friend and I both just delt with a girl who was in both of our wedding parties. She wasn't a part of some important things and started being shady.
Long story short, she is no longer in our wedding parties and we are both so much better off! Im happy that she wasn't at my engagemet party in the long run otherwise she would have been in all of my pictures!
My advice, make sure that the people who you ask to share in your special day with you, deserve to be there 100%.

Two Peas Posted: Aug 14, 2007 01:17 AM

Re: Bridesmaid Issue

You have two options...The first is to wait it out and then speak to her after the wedding to be sure everything is ok with her. Your second is to ask her to go out to lunch or to do something non-wedding related with you. Then casually say how you are so excited about your dinner and how it means so much to you to have everyone there which could plant the seed (sometimes people don't realize they are being selfish...esp if they've never been married)...or instead of saying that you could gently (without sounding accusatory or pointing fingers) ask her if everything has been okay lately. Say you have noticed she seems distracted and upset...You can even flat out say I just wanted to make sure that everything is okay between us because you've seemed distant (and at that point stress how important she is to you...etc).

Let us know how it turns out!

GL

CNC4eva3402 Posted: Aug 14, 2007 02:07 AM

Re: Bridesmaid Issue

Sorry your going through this!! I have a feeling I'll be dealing with similar issues, my MOH has one baby and has one on the way!!

I would definatly sit her down and talk to her, I know the talks are hard ..but I bet you'll feel better afterwards!!

Good luck!

soon2BMrsDee Posted: Aug 14, 2007 08:34 AM

Re: Bridesmaid Issue

I can completely relate, have one of them myself (can't order her dress 'cuz she wants to lose weight, then she can't order her dress 'cuz she's tryin' to get pregnant, can't come to the bach party 'cuz she tryin' to buy a house [the plans were made 6 months ahead of time], you name the event, she's got an excuse) - there's always one person in a BP that acts as if the world revolves around them and forgets that they made a commitment to you.
Best suggestion, talk to her - it's just gonna eat you up inside if you don't and the worst case scenario - you blow up at her and there goes a friendship...
Don't panic - just be honest and open with her - hopefully she'll realize how you feel.

menc Posted: Aug 14, 2007 08:39 AM

Re: Bridesmaid Issue

Not cool, she should really be making exceptions to come and be part of all the wedding stuff. Especially if you were there for her. Just try and tell her that you would be hurt if she didn't make it to the party and ask her if she really want to be part of it or if is too much for her to handle with her 'busy schedule'.

But I wouldn't get yourself to worked up about her. This is your time and you should try to enjoy it to the fullest. Good luck!

poisonivy918 Posted: Aug 14, 2007 12:12 PM

Re: Bridesmaid Issue

I'm having a similiar problem with one of my girls. she didn't come to our engagement party. claimed she was having a fight with her mom or something.

see if things turn around, if not you don't need someone who isn't supportive in your bridal party. those pictures will be around forever, you don't want to look back and go oh I hate that girl now.

Inkedupkitten Posted: Aug 14, 2007 12:16 PM

Re: Bridesmaid Issue

I HAD one bm and best friend like that.

I got so fed up with the BS that i retracted my invite to her being the BM as well as the friendship..

Honesty is all I expect and if you cant treat me with the same amount of 'friend like behavior' thenI dont need you in my life.

Harsh but Im a bit cut throat....

I realized as I got older how self involved people really are and I had to cut out the cancer..

Turns out that she dumped her fiance 2 mo before the wedding (Mind you he paid for it all) she told him that the rest. he took her too for her birthday (300 dollar dinner) wasnt good enough..

I say stick your middle fingers out way up high and salute!!!!

StarryEyedBride Posted: Aug 14, 2007 12:26 PM

Re: Bridesmaid Issue

I would either talk to her about how you feel or, unfortunately, ask her to step down. There are too many stories out there with girls, 1 and 2 months before the wedding that have bridesmaids that are just not interested (for whatever reason) and it causes such stress on the bride. And by then, the BM dress is purchased, all the wedding festivities have happened and the bride thinks its too late to ask her to step down.... if you feel like someone isn't into it, then I would let the feelings/concern be known. As long as their's no hard feelings if she does say she wants to step down. Be honest. It will save you stress and hurt feelings later if you get it all out on the table now.

LuckyMe Posted: Aug 14, 2007 12:29 PM

Re: Bridesmaid Issue

First off... GUYS JUST DONT GET IT I have this problem with DH however, I would just not expect much from her and go on with your other bridesmaids. Being the type of person I am I too would just jokingly(sp sorry)say to her is there anything you do think you can make? Maybe she's just not aware.

little34 Posted: Aug 14, 2007 01:48 PM

Re: Bridesmaid Issue

I would let her know how you feel and ask her if she will be at the shower and and all that if something else came up...tell her that you need to feel like this is important to her and that she will be reliable and if not then you should find someone else....

That is crazy...I don't think you are over reacting or anything like that...she should be there and asking what else you need help with.

Good luck...when is your e-party...mine is in 2 weeks too!!!

Munchkn16 Posted: Aug 14, 2007 02:04 PM

Re: Bridesmaid Issue

I don't know why she's acting like this, but you should definitely talk to her.

Lemons Posted: Aug 14, 2007 02:35 PM

Re: Bridesmaid Issue

my Bm was (I should say IS) exactly the same way!!!! Unfortunately, I have to just s*ck it up b/c my wedding is 3 months away and it's too late to replace her....you live and you learn

jessruth9 Posted: Aug 14, 2007 02:37 PM

Re: Bridesmaid Issue

You should definitely talk with her.
It is better to air your feelings now and have her decide whether sh ethinks she can be in your wedding. It is far better to deal with this now than to have more drama leading up to your wedding day.