Bridesmaid Problem...

I have a sticky situation. I have friend since we were in high school, and we always assumed we would bridesmaids in each others wedding. I got engaged first..and when I told her she said well the only way I can come to the wedding (she lives in Maryland) if I'm a bridesmaid. I did not respond to this. Now I have decided not to ask her for my own reasons...I just don't know how to tell her. She just got engaged and is getting married before me and has asked me to be in the bridal party. It will be a small affair, and I don't want to say no. I never formally asked her..and we haven't spoke about my bridal party, yet I think she assumes she's in it. I really need some help on how to approach her..should I not say anything at all and let her assume she is not included? Should I tell her? We're not best friends...more like long distance phone buddies. Help...

Ladies and Gents,

In a very tactful way, have her consider saving the money from having to buy a bridesmaid dress, dyed shoes, jewelry, etc. and put it towards her travel expences...

What I was thinking about doing was sort of what your friend did Phyl. Casually bring up that my next duty is to pick out the bridesmaid dresses.. and to get all the cousins and family together to pick them out will be hard yadda yadda yadda. Or tell her I'm thinking of a small bridal party.But that would be a lie, and she'll see that I have 6 six girls at the wedding. I want to aviod saying, "Your not one". Honestly, I have too many maids and I don't want to go overboard. True we've grown apart, but I will feel awful if I have to tell her that. My fiance thinks that I shouldn't say anything since I never asked her or have included her in any way...still confused!

I don't want the vendors to leave this site. They are helpful. Never seen any other vendors have a problem!