Grrr. I'm so angry right now and just need to vent! My FSIL and bridesmaid went on an impromptu trip this weekend and decided to get a tattoo that covers her ENTIRE right forearm. Now, I like tattoos (I don't have any but have nothing at all against them, in fact FH has quite a few and plans to get more) but we had a discussion about her getting more tattoos that will show in the beautiful flowwy lavender chiffon dress she will be wearing in church that day. She said it was her body, but then took it back and said she understood where we were coming from. CLEARLY NOT! My family is very conservative and my mother is having a coronary. I know this is such a small detail in the grand scheme of things, but I can't help but feel that now it's no longer going to be 'Oh, look how beautiful the bride looks!' it's going to be 'Oh, look at the groom's sister covered in tattoos.' It hurts me more that she said she understood and agreed to stop getting them where we can see them, and then did the exact opposite just a few weeks later. She already has tattoos on the insides of both forearms, on her shoulder, and inside of one upper arm, along with a host of other places on her body. We're going to look at these pictures forever and now what? Put her in a sweater in the middle of August when all the other girls will be wearing strapless or sleeveless dresses?
I don't expect you ladies to solve my melo-drama problems, I just needed a place to vent before I ripped FH's face off for shrugging his shoulders and saying 'Oh well.' ROAR!
Am I overreacting????
MissToMrs
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Bridesmaid RANT!
Hmm this is a tough one. I have one tattoo and plan to get one more. Both small I have one right now on my ankle and I plan to get one on my finger after the wedding. Now I get that tattoos are flashy at times and some people have very loud tattoos and they could be a distraction to some. I can also see where you would be upset that she agreed to wait until after the wedding. However I do have to agree that it is her body and she shouldn't be told what to do with it when. - that could be along the lines of telling a bridesmaid she can't get pregnant before the wedding. I think that taking a step back to calm down would be good. In the grand scheme of things will tattoos on a bridesmaid ruin your wedding? No. Will tattoos ruin your wedding pictures? No. I think on this one I would let it go because what's done is done. If it's that much of a concern to you I would ask her to step down as a bridesmaid.... However I do think that you should try and let it go because again its not going to ruin your wedding.
rcotter90
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True. I'm not doing anything rash right now, I need to cool down. And I do know it's her body and she's free to do whatever she wants to it. It is such a small detail. I do want her to know how upset I am that she went back on her word but FH thinks we shouldn't say anything at all. Idk I need to sleep on it lol
karebear1
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Bridesmaid RANT!
My MOH is COVERED in tattoos, and I KNOW everyone is going to be staring at hers. She also just got a big huge 3D spider on her shoulder along to match the skulls, and human heart. We are also getting married in a church. I am thinking about asking her to wear a shawl (sp?). But, I don't want my other girls to wear one, so I am not sure what to do at this point....I know where you are coming from!
Dani10
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Re: Bridesmaid RANT!
Posted by karebear1
My MOH is COVERED in tattoos, and I KNOW everyone is going to be staring at hers. She also just got a big huge 3D spider on her shoulder along to match the skulls, and human heart. We are also getting married in a church. I am thinking about asking her to wear a shawl (sp?). But, I don't want my other girls to wear one, so I am not sure what to do at this point....I know where you are coming from!
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i was going to suggest a shawl too. there are beautiful ones that would look great and she could just wear it during church. dont let it ruin the relationship.
brookie6978
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Bridesmaid RANT!
My sister is my MOH and has a lot of visible tattoos....it doesn't bother me, but to each their own. I have one myself. If it still bothers you by the time your wedding approaches, you could tactfully ask her to get them covered by a makeup artist or something. I understand that you're upset, but don;t let that ruin a relationship, especially one with your FSIL.
mab30
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Bridesmaid RANT!
Seriously? You can't control how your BMs look just to have pretty photos. That's not fair...
mattandjess2013
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Bridesmaid RANT!
One of my BMs has a large tattoo on her upper arm and she looked beautiful on the day of my wedding. I was married in a church and would never have even thought to ask her to cover her tattoo because it's her body & I love her for her.
I don't see the tattoo as a big deal (DH & I each have several), but if you are really having a hard time with it, sit down with your FSIL & tell her how you feel in a calm & non-judging manner. If it means that much to you, ask her if she would be willing to cover it up for the ceremony; but don't be angry if she says no.
To be honest, the tattoo is all YOU see right now, but on the day of your wedding, you & your FH will be what EVERYONE sees, not her tattoo.
rcotter90
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After sleeping on it, I've calmed down a little and thinking about it now, it's not going to matter that much on our wedding day and it's not worth losing the relationship between us over. I will be talking with her about it to make it clear I was upset she went back on her word but it is what it is now. And it's not like it's a skull or naked lady.. It's like a sacred geometry thing she's into right now. I'll have to think about the shawl maybe. Thanks for all your input!
xBudgetBridex
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Re: Bridesmaid RANT!
Posted by MissToMrs
Hmm this is a tough one. I have one tattoo and plan to get one more. Both small I have one right now on my ankle and I plan to get one on my finger after the wedding. Now I get that tattoos are flashy at times and some people have very loud tattoos and they could be a distraction to some. I can also see where you would be upset that she agreed to wait until after the wedding. However I do have to agree that it is her body and she shouldn't be told what to do with it when. - that could be along the lines of telling a bridesmaid she can't get pregnant before the wedding. I think that taking a step back to calm down would be good. In the grand scheme of things will tattoos on a bridesmaid ruin your wedding? No. Will tattoos ruin your wedding pictures? No. I think on this one I would let it go because what's done is done. If it's that much of a concern to you I would ask her to step down as a bridesmaid.... However I do think that you should try and let it go because again its not going to ruin your wedding.
This! I agree 100% and it was put so well too! I will add this, I know someone that asked her best friend of 10+ yrs to cover her tattoos for her wedding photos. That friend refused and was very hurt bc that represents her. The bride then said she couldn't be in her wedding.....needless to say they weren't friends after. It took many years to forgive. I tell u this bc this isn't just a friend of yours it's your fsil. So I think if your fh shrugs it off you may have to too. This is a tough one to give advice on bc people have very opposite opinions on this subject. I just got one on my shoulder blade that will show in my gown but it doesn't bother me. I also don't plan to cover up in church.
rcotter90
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Re: Bridesmaid RANT!
Posted by xBudgetBridex
Posted by MissToMrs
Hmm this is a tough one. I have one tattoo and plan to get one more. Both small I have one right now on my ankle and I plan to get one on my finger after the wedding. Now I get that tattoos are flashy at times and some people have very loud tattoos and they could be a distraction to some. I can also see where you would be upset that she agreed to wait until after the wedding. However I do have to agree that it is her body and she shouldn't be told what to do with it when. - that could be along the lines of telling a bridesmaid she can't get pregnant before the wedding. I think that taking a step back to calm down would be good. In the grand scheme of things will tattoos on a bridesmaid ruin your wedding? No. Will tattoos ruin your wedding pictures? No. I think on this one I would let it go because what's done is done. If it's that much of a concern to you I would ask her to step down as a bridesmaid.... However I do think that you should try and let it go because again its not going to ruin your wedding.
This! I agree 100% and it was put so well too! I will add this, I know someone that asked her best friend of 10+ yrs to cover her tattoos for her wedding photos. That friend refused and was very hurt bc that represents her. The bride then said she couldn't be in her wedding.....needless to say they weren't friends after. It took many years to forgive. I tell u this bc this isn't just a friend of yours it's your fsil. So I think if your fh shrugs it off you may have to too. This is a tough one to give advice on bc people have very opposite opinions on this subject. I just got one on my shoulder blade that will show in my gown but it doesn't bother me. I also don't plan to cover up in church.
Exactly with the different opinions thing.. I was hesitant to put it up here at all because I thought I'd get so much backlash from it but FH was like 'put it up on your board thingy and see what your girls say' lol. It's so not worth ruining a relationship over. The most I may ask her to do is wear a shawl in church but other than that I think is too much. Plus it'd cost her a fortune to cover it with a pro makeup artist which is so not necessary.
xBudgetBridex
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Re: Bridesmaid RANT!
Posted by rcotter90
Posted by xBudgetBridex
Posted by MissToMrs
Hmm this is a tough one. I have one tattoo and plan to get one more. Both small I have one right now on my ankle and I plan to get one on my finger after the wedding. Now I get that tattoos are flashy at times and some people have very loud tattoos and they could be a distraction to some. I can also see where you would be upset that she agreed to wait until after the wedding. However I do have to agree that it is her body and she shouldn't be told what to do with it when. - that could be along the lines of telling a bridesmaid she can't get pregnant before the wedding. I think that taking a step back to calm down would be good. In the grand scheme of things will tattoos on a bridesmaid ruin your wedding? No. Will tattoos ruin your wedding pictures? No. I think on this one I would let it go because what's done is done. If it's that much of a concern to you I would ask her to step down as a bridesmaid.... However I do think that you should try and let it go because again its not going to ruin your wedding.
This! I agree 100% and it was put so well too! I will add this, I know someone that asked her best friend of 10+ yrs to cover her tattoos for her wedding photos. That friend refused and was very hurt bc that represents her. The bride then said she couldn't be in her wedding.....needless to say they weren't friends after. It took many years to forgive. I tell u this bc this isn't just a friend of yours it's your fsil. So I think if your fh shrugs it off you may have to too. This is a tough one to give advice on bc people have very opposite opinions on this subject. I just got one on my shoulder blade that will show in my gown but it doesn't bother me. I also don't plan to cover up in church.
Exactly with the different opinions thing.. I was hesitant to put it up here at all because I thought I'd get so much backlash from it but FH was like 'put it up on your board thingy and see what your girls say' lol. It's so not worth ruining a relationship over. The most I may ask her to do is wear a shawl in church but other than that I think is too much. Plus it'd cost her a fortune to cover it with a pro makeup artist which is so not necessary.
I waited to post bc I didn't want to make youfeellike i was magiving you grief. I wanted to make sure I put what I walked to say right! Bc I know wedding planning is hard enough you didn't need crap on the boards from a fellow bride!! Hope we all helped one way or another!
mrs2014
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I think it's okay to be upset. This is your wedding and you want everything to be perfect. On top of that, your FSIL broke a promise to you. Unfortunately, there isn't anything you can do but rant on these boards. A shawl might work or strategic positioning during formal portraits, but a confrontation with your FSIL or removing her from your bridal party will be detrimental to your relationship.
booie135
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Bridesmaid RANT!
I have two older sisters and one female cousin, all three were married within one year of each other. My eldest sister is covered in tattoos, two full sleeves, chest tattoos, wrist tattoos, etc.. My cousin refused to have her as a bridesmaid as to not distract from her photos, to this day their relationship is rocky and has never been the same. My other sister had two girls in her bridal party heavily tattooed and to be perfectly honest, they were barely noticeable in pictures which btw bridesmaids wore long chiffon royal blue strapless dresses. She was married in a church as well. The focus will be on the BRIDE! In my opinion and from seeing it firsthand, if a relationship with your FSIL is important to you, I wouldn't risk it over worrying about noticing tattoos in your photos. You'll be the one standing out!
Alimm729
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Bridesmaid RANT!
My sister's right arm not only has an entire sleeve of tattoos, but they're horribly done tattoos. She's covered - her back, chest, right arm, etc etc etc. I knew this before I asked her to be in my wedding and although sometimes I do cringe at the thought of her ugly tattoos in my wedding pics, she's my sister, that's who she is and I couldn't imagine my wedding without her. I have no advice for you, lol. Just know that I feel your pain.
rcotter90
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Bridesmaid RANT!
Thank you so much ladies! I won't be ruining my relationship with her over her tattoos and was beog a bit over dramatic yesterday lol. I'm glad I took the time to think it over before I exploded on her. You girls are the best!
Chels
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Bridesmaid RANT!
Ask her to maybe put makeup over it.... or maybe have the photographer photoshop it??..... I have my photographer make me look a little skinner lol so im sure they can fix it!
alissacataldo
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Re: Bridesmaid RANT!
Please don't ask her to cover them up or have the photographer photoshop them. They are part of her body. Look through pics of bridesmaids with tattoos...they most always look gorgeous.
One of my BMs has a large tattoo on her upper arm and she looked beautiful on the day of my wedding. I was married in a church and would never have even thought to ask her to cover her tattoo because it's her body & I love her for her.
I don't see the tattoo as a big deal (DH & I each have several), but if you are really having a hard time with it, sit down with your FSIL & tell her how you feel in a calm & non-judging manner. If it means that much to you, ask her if she would be willing to cover it up for the ceremony; but don't be angry if she says no.
To be honest, the tattoo is all YOU see right now, but on the day of your wedding, you & your FH will be what EVERYONE sees, not her tattoo.
I was at this wedding and legit went back to look to see the tattoo.
Clearly they don't make THAT much on an impression... Because I remember how amazing Jess looked and how her husband cried!
Holly87
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Bridesmaid RANT!
In the question on if your overreacting. ... yes.... . Yes u are. Lol I just feel like there are so many other important things to a wedding then worrying about if someone got a tattoo in the bridal party.....
