Bridesmaid Trouble

I need advice!

I am reconsidering including one of my bridesmaids. When I got engaged I did not hesitate to ask my friend especially since we always talked about being in each others wedding. We weren't as close as we used to be, but I personally did not want to hurt her feelings since I was also including a mutual friend. Well, since then she got engaged and told me that she was not going to include me in her bridal party since we aren't that close anymore and she doesn't want a large wedding party and only asked 2 of her friends. She also said that she still really wanted to be in my bridal party, but she understood if I wasn't comfortable with that. I was taken off guard and said it wasn't a big deal, when really I was very hurt by this comment. Especially that I asked her to be in my wedding party so that she didn't have hurt feelings. I have tried to connect with her and bring our friendship to where it used to be, but I feel it will never get there. It is very one sided. I feel if we didn't work together than we would never talk. I feel she wants to be in my bridal party for selfish reasons and it bothers me. She has even told my mom that she couldn't help out with the shower. I don't want kick her out and look like a bridezilla (especially that we work together), but this has been bothering me for months. I don't want this drama to ruin my wedding day.

What should I do?

Re: Bridesmaid Trouble

dump her. i dumped 2 for the same reason...after my engagement (and they jumped at the 'privilege' to be BMs....heehee) they practically disappeared from the earth....i haven't regretted it for a second.

Re: Bridesmaid Trouble

I am in somewhat of the same situation....I think you should drop her!! You dont need any added stress on or around your wedding day.

Re: Bridesmaid Trouble

You should tell her that it did hurt you that she didnt ask you to be in her bridal party!!! When you feel upset by something a friend does, I know its hard, but I think it's best to say it.... not just say 'its not a big deal' I think it was very rude of her not to ask you.... whatever the excuse that she gave.

Re: Bridesmaid Trouble

i dont know.. i would tell her how you feel about her not asking you but also call her out on how she isnt a part of your planning and that isnt a great bridesmaid..

confrontation is hard for me.. i dont have great advice.. good luck

Re: Bridesmaid Trouble

Sometimes there comes a point when people have moved on that you have to recognize that and let it go. From what you are describing, the girl has gone her own way and isn't really interested in going back. She has already given you an easy out and it sounds like it will save you a lot of grief if you take it.

Re: Bridesmaid Trouble

dump her!

Re: Bridesmaid Trouble

---

Posted by nicole72806


I need advice!

I am reconsidering including one of my bridesmaids. When I got engaged I did not hesitate to ask my friend especially since we always talked about being in each others wedding. We weren't as close as we used to be, but I personally did not want to hurt her feelings since I was also including a mutual friend. Well, since then she got engaged and told me that she was not going to include me in her bridal party since we aren't that close anymore and she doesn't want a large wedding party and only asked 2 of her friends. She also said that she still really wanted to be in my bridal party, but she understood if I wasn't comfortable with that. I was taken off guard and said it wasn't a big deal, when really I was very hurt by this comment. Especially that I asked her to be in my wedding party so that she didn't have hurt feelings. I have tried to connect with her and bring our friendship to where it used to be, but I feel it will never get there. It is very one sided. I feel if we didn't work together than we would never talk. I feel she wants to be in my bridal party for selfish reasons and it bothers me. She has even told my mom that she couldn't help out with the shower. I don't want kick her out and look like a bridezilla (especially that we work together), but this has been bothering me for months. I don't want this drama to ruin my wedding day.

What should I do?

---

how crazy is this...we have the same name the same wedding date and have the same BM prob! ONly mine was my MOH....I dumped her! you should def get rid of her, you don't need drama in your BP! Good Luck Date & Name Twin!

Re: Bridesmaid Trouble

Isn't this wedding party thing a b**ch, you really find out who your TRUE friends are. I really can't offer you any sound advice because it is really up to you what you feel most comfortable with. You don't want to feel uncomfortable with planning and on your wedding day, but you also don't want to feel uncomfortable at work either. I guess it be different if you could avoid her after this and never have to see her again. But since you work with her IDK.. . .

Re: Bridesmaid Trouble

I would drop her...I dropped my MOH...and I am very happybear now...I have a new MOH and things couldn't be better. My ex-MOH are still friends, but the change was needed.

Re: Bridesmaid Trouble

Beth, was Kelly mad?

Re: Bridesmaid Trouble

No she was not mad...she said that she understood. Realize that during the time (I called off my wedding and then grandmother died), I barely heard from my MOH...the one person who SHOULD have been calling me. She actually was crying a little bit, but then said that it's my wedding and I should have things the way I want to, and she agreed that she complained about cost (and I was really cheap with this wedding--I paid for 1/2 the BM's dress's and asked for very little of them). She said that she was fine, and will come to the wedding.

Re: Bridesmaid Trouble

I am kind of in the same situation but my friend is a Real cheap skate !!! I was in her bridal party and our dresses cost over $300 !!! & than with out question we took her into the city for her ba party & we spent another $400 !!
I have not really spoken to her and I already asked her to be in mine because I feel like I am constantly giving & never getting in return. She already passed a comment to another friend saying if the dress is too much $$ than she will not be able to afford it. ! Which I know is bull **** because she has alot more than the rest of us have.. Like her wedding was paid for by her inlaws her husband planned the entire wedding and than as a gift to her BOUGHT her a house with only $100,000 mortgage !! did you ever people have BALLS!!

I would get rid of her if you can !!

Re: Bridesmaid Trouble

I would probably give her a huge out - tell her she must have a lot on her mind with her own wedding - and tell her gently that you don't expect her to be in yours. At this time emotions are running high - I don't know that I would actually do the whole hash out of stuff. I would find a way to get her to bow out gracefully.

Re: Bridesmaid Trouble

Be diplomatic and tell her that after thinking about it you decided to keep the wedding party for only your closest friends and family. Let her know not to take it personally and that you thought it would be unfair to have her spend so much money on your wedding considering 'you're not so close anymore'... nicely throw those words back at her. Tell her you would 'love' for her to come to your wedding and you would 'love' to go to her wedding. Tell her that you think she will have a much better time being a guest and not have all the stress of being in your wedding party. In the end do you really want pictures of her in you wedding album, when the chances are you're not even going to be friends with her later on after she pulled that comment? Don't feel bad, she obviously didn't when she told you how she felt. But if you say things with kind words, you will feel better about yourself that you did the right thing and that way she hopefully won't think badly of you. I hope this helps.