Ok, I have a huge BP party.. I have 10 BM's and my MOH.. Out of all my BM's only like 5 are doing the things I ask without a problem...
I asked my the girls with tattoos on their arms or shoulders to cover them because the dress is strappless and I really don't want them showing.. Not that I have anything agaisnt tattoos (I have a 2 of them as well) but I just don't want them showing.. I even offered to buy them the kit.. One of them just gave me additude over it and then told me she'll just buy it herself...
Then I asked all of them to be careful of tan lines because I really don't want them to have lines around thier necks and over their shoulders in a strapless dress.. One of them said to me 'Well I guess I'll just have to buy a new bathing suit because Jules the bridezilla said so'...
I have been asking all 10 of them to go order their shoes for 3 weeks! The shoes take 10-12 weeks to come in... My wedding is just about 14 weeks away, that leaves 2-4 weeks for fittings!! The few that don't have a problem with anything said they would go this week... No problem, but the other ones say 'oh, I'll get to it eventually' or 'maybe I'll go soon'..
Everything I ask a few certian ones, they have a problem with from hair to make up, to shoes to dresses! One of them told me she didn't want to pay $70 dollars for a pair of ugly pink shoes that she would never wear agian!!! I told her that if she feels that way, to just drop out before its too late...
Like ***??? Do they have to have a problem with everything!!! I am not asking for much and quite honestly, if they can't do the little things I ask, they should have never excepted!! I could be alot worse, but I don't want to just take my stress out on them. GRRR I can't take it!
Thanks for listening to me vent.. I feel a little better now!
wifetobe
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Re: BRIDESMAID VENT!
sorry you are having problems with BMs.. I have 9BMs so I know your pain.. However...I keep it simple...I don't ask anything of them....they can get whatever shoes they want as long as they have them dyed the color of the dress....stuff like that.
Less demands on the BMs the better.. For instance.. the tan line thing....I don't think I would have brought it up...it sounds a little Bridezillaish. The thing is...when you ask a BM to change the way the 'live their life' for your wedding...they will always see it as 'over doing it' Getting a new bathing suit to avoid tan lines..tanning differntly so your pics are perfect.. Stuff like that...I can see them being like..WT*!!
The shoe thing.....I may have picked a less expensive shoe..but I totally agree that they should be ordering them. That's just irresponsible.
Lacey08
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Re: BRIDESMAID VENT!
Girls can be difficult and I've noticed the more you have in your BP the more trouble there can be.
I wouldn't stress too much about the girls tan lines. They should be smart enough to realize that.
missliss
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Re: BRIDESMAID VENT!
I agree about the less you ask of them the better. I took a peek at your BM dresses.....honestly, no one is even going to see their shoes, so why not let them wear whatever shoes they want, this way they can spend what they want. If you insist that they be pink, then at least let them buy whatever pink dyeables that they find comfortable and can afford. I just told my girls to get whatever black shoes they wanted (my dresse were black), it's their feet so whatever was best for them.
Also, the tan line thing is a little much...I'm sure they know that tan lines are unnattractive and they will do what they can to not have them, they don't need to be 'reminded' of it.
It is difficult when you have a lot of girls, but remember they are doing this because they love you and they're close to you. They are happy for you and want to share in your day, but they aren't required to change their lives for us. All they really HAVE to do is show up in their dresses on the day of and smile.
Future Mulligan
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Re: BRIDESMAID VENT!
Posted by missliss
I agree about the less you ask of them the better. I took a peek at your BM dresses.....honestly, no one is even going to see their shoes, so why not let them wear whatever shoes they want, this way they can spend what they want. If you insist that they be pink, then at least let them buy whatever pink dyeables that they find comfortable and can afford. I just told my girls to get whatever black shoes they wanted (my dresse were black), it's their feet so whatever was best for them.
Also, the tan line thing is a little much...I'm sure they know that tan lines are unnattractive and they will do what they can to not have them, they don't need to be 'reminded' of it.
It is difficult when you have a lot of girls, but remember they are doing this because they love you and they're close to you. They are happy for you and want to share in your day, but they aren't required to change their lives for us. All they really HAVE to do is show up in their dresses on the day of and smile.
agreed
bluekat16
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Re: BRIDESMAID VENT!
Posted by missliss
I agree about the less you ask of them the better. I took a peek at your BM dresses.....honestly, no one is even going to see their shoes, so why not let them wear whatever shoes they want, this way they can spend what they want. If you insist that they be pink, then at least let them buy whatever pink dyeables that they find comfortable and can afford. I just told my girls to get whatever black shoes they wanted (my dresse were black), it's their feet so whatever was best for them.
Also, the tan line thing is a little much...I'm sure they know that tan lines are unnattractive and they will do what they can to not have them, they don't need to be 'reminded' of it.
It is difficult when you have a lot of girls, but remember they are doing this because they love you and they're close to you. They are happy for you and want to share in your day, but they aren't required to change their lives for us. All they really HAVE to do is show up in their dresses on the day of and smile.
I couldn't have put it better.
MJDoc12
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Re: BRIDESMAID VENT!
like the others said---asking less is better....and unfortunately some of the things you are mentioning do sound a teeny bit bridezilla-ish. i mean really....take a step back and think about it how it sounds to someone else. i know that in your mind...asking them to cover up tats, no tan lines, and order special shoes seems totally normal. but to someone else it seems over the top.
JoesFutureWife
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Re: BRIDESMAID VENT!
Just cause im on both sides of the coin (im a bride and a bm in 3 upcoming weddings), i can say some of your expectations are a bit much. All i asked my girls to get shoe wise is closed toe black satin and even went so far as to price them at different prices online. Their shoes are gorgeous and comfortable for each of them (everyone has different feet). As for the tan lines, that is a bit much. Im sure they dont want to ruin your pictures and have no intention of doing so. The covering of tattoos may make some people defensive. Just sit back and try to enjoy this time. At the end of the day you're going to marry your fh and i can guarantee ud rather have good memories of this time then dramatic memories. JMHO. HTH
mariaobride
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Re: BRIDESMAID VENT!
i had the opposite response I was simple and told them to wear whatever shoe they liked being that certain girls have achy feet etc. that kind of backfired iam over that now but anyway sometimes the less you ask from them the better as for the tan lines I am sure once your date starts coming close your bm's will be conscious of their tan lines and do something about it (that is out of your control)
the tattoo situation is kind of up to you I have a few tattoo's and so do my bm's they aren't anything too flashy i am okay with that but I can see your point and that I think you have every right to suggest them covering it up
JodyLC
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Re: BRIDESMAID VENT!
Been there done that... what I finally ended up doing is saying ok look... this is the color... everyone pick a dress they ALL have to be different, if 2 of you pick the same one then everyone has to wear the same one...something none of them could agree on and they refused the first 3 I picked...then I told them buy whatever shoes you want as long as they are metallic silver. As for hair, yeah they are doing it they way they want it. all in all I do like the individual look of each one of them since I did pick them because of who they are as an individual and doing it this way ... well it saved me more hassles then it was worth.
angl2001
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Re: BRIDESMAID VENT!
im so sorry! want me to go beat some sense into them??
agraydc
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Re: BRIDESMAID VENT!
sorry to hear that.....a large group of girls is bound to have a few trouble makers, ans you are not being a bridezilla, people throw that word out way too often
SoontobeMrsMc
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Re: BRIDESMAID VENT!
Yeah. The less you ask-the better. The only thing I requested from my girls was to wear their hair up. I don't care how or anything- just up. and with the shoes- they wanted me to pick something but I wanted to give them choices-so, I picked a shoe that came in multiple heights, so they had a choice. Other than that- I didnt ask them for anything. I know how girls can be and wanted everyone to be happy!
florezpeeps
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Re: BRIDESMAID VENT!
I'm a fan of bm's picking their own shoes, but this sounds like a very specific case where they need to be dyed to match and this...
'One of them told me she didn't want to pay $70 dollars for a pair of ugly pink shoes that she would never wear agian'
...is just plain old nasty on your bm's behalf, I would've insisted she bow out if I heard something like that too...I would remind her that when she agreed to be a bm she was agreeing to do what it takes to be one...hmffff
anneandchris
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Re: BRIDESMAID VENT!
I have to agree with the other girls and being a bridesmaid many times myself I have to say don't put too many demands on them.
Yes some guidance is good, but other then that you asked them for a reason and they agreed to participate for the same reasons you asked them.
Keep in mind, they may not be finacially in the place to spend $70 on shoes that they will only wear once.
Shoes -- who cares. NO ONE is looking at their feet. Trust met. Yes as a bride we want everything to be perfect but keep in mind no one else is paying attention to those tiny details. People will remember the love in the room of you and FH and all the fun everyone around you had not what shoes your BM wore or who had a bad tan line. But if you make your BM's miserable -- people will remember the tention around you that day.
soon2bmrsconnolly
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Re: BRIDESMAID VENT!
As for the 'watch the tan lines'... Hopefully they would consider this anyway, without your asking them. IMHO- It's rediculous for you to ask to them to cover their tattoos. If the tattoos were such an issue, you should not have invited these people to be in the wedding.
I get that you want them to have the same shoes, but I think asking them to spend $70 on shoes they will never wear again is just plain unfair for them, especially because it is not their only expense for your wedding. If you can't see their shoes with the dresses anyway- why not just let them wear what they want and be happy?
My BM's have asked me about everything from how I want their hair to what shoes to wear and I told them to wear black shoes, but whatever style/height makes them comfortable, and to wear their hair however they are most comfortable. I do not want anyone to be broke or miserable because of my wedding, and I have been thanked several times for it.
Take a deep breath and look at the big picture.
squeekietoy
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Re: BRIDESMAID VENT!
I agree with everyone else. The less you ask of them, the better. I asked all of my bridemaids to get the same dress. As for all of the other details, they are on their own. I could care less what color or height their shoes are. I don't care how they wear their hair, I don't care if their arms are covered with tattoos (who am I to judge when I have 7 tattoos). If they are responsible adults they should know better than to have hideous tan lines in a strapless dress. That's what they make self tanner for.
FCsBride914
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Re: BRIDESMAID VENT!
Maybe I should have explained a little clearer...
The reason for having them all buy the same shoes is because I am buying them all flip-flops for match their gowns and the heel height has to be the same as the shoes they buy so the dresses don't drag... They are dye-able too so if they hate the color that much, they can change it... Not to mention, I am spending almost $400.00 per girl for their gifts so $140.00 for the dress and $70.00 for the shoes is really not that much to ask...
As far as the tattoos go, I come from a traditional old fashion italian family and they look down on that.. Like I said I have 2 myself and FH has 7 but my family don't know about mine... FSIL has tattoos on her arms and my family is weird with stuff like that..
As far as the hair goes, I only asked them to not have it done close to my style... Thats it... Up, down whatever they want, just not similiar to mine.
Maybe I am asking a little bit too much, but I would do it for them if they asked me too without a problem!
FCsBride914
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Re: BRIDESMAID VENT!
Oh one more thing... Now that I hear your opinions, maybe the tan line thing was a little much and if they are that 'responsible' they should figure it out on their own... I really didn't want to come off like a crazy biotch here, just getting stressed because no one wants to do anything with me and its getting annoying... I'm really not a bridezilla and believe it or not, FH even commended me about how calm I've been
missliss
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Re: BRIDESMAID VENT!
It's your choice to buy them $400 gifts. They are under no obligation to spend anywhere near the same amount on their dresses/shoes in order to have the right to complain. If their dresses drag in flip-flops it is NOT a big deal. They're never going to wear the BM dresses again either, so if they get dirty or stepped on, it's not a big deal, sorry. If I insisted on my girls buying a certain shoe and they couldn't afford it and it was that important to me that they wear that particular shoe, then I would offer to help them pay for it.
You asked them to be your BMs knowing they would have tattoos showing. Why not compromise and buy them matching pashminas as part of their gift, then their tattoos would be covered for pictures and walking down the aisle and they don't have to actually alter their own bodies?
