BRIDESMAID VENT!

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Posted by missliss

It's your choice to buy them $400 gifts. They are under no obligation to spend anywhere near the same amount on their dresses/shoes in order to have the right to complain. If their dresses drag in flip-flops it is NOT a big deal. They're never going to wear the BM dresses again either, so if they get dirty or stepped on, it's not a big deal, sorry. If I insisted on my girls buying a certain shoe and they couldn't afford it and it was that important to me that they wear that particular shoe, then I would offer to help them pay for it.

You asked them to be your BMs knowing they would have tattoos showing. Why not compromise and buy them matching pashminas as part of their gift, then their tattoos would be covered for pictures and walking down the aisle and they don't have to actually alter their own bodies?

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I agree.

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Posted by missliss

It's your choice to buy them $400 gifts. They are under no obligation to spend anywhere near the same amount on their dresses/shoes in order to have the right to complain. If their dresses drag in flip-flops it is NOT a big deal. They're never going to wear the BM dresses again either, so if they get dirty or stepped on, it's not a big deal, sorry. If I insisted on my girls buying a certain shoe and they couldn't afford it and it was that important to me that they wear that particular shoe, then I would offer to help them pay for it.

You asked them to be your BMs knowing they would have tattoos showing. Why not compromise and buy them matching pashminas as part of their gift, then their tattoos would be covered for pictures and walking down the aisle and they don't have to actually alter their own bodies?

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I know that I didn't have to spend all that but I just wanted to treat them good because I can be a real PAIN sometimes...

I know they are never going to wear the gown and/or shoes agian but if they are spending that money, why would I buy them the wrong flip flops to ruin their gowns.. I didn't want to do that...

Its not that my BM's can't afford it.. I told them all when I asked them to be in the wedding that if they have ANY financial difficulties at all to come to me, and I will buy the shoes, dress, hair whatever they need...

One of my BM's gladly agreed to cover her tattoos (my best friend) and I asked her if she thinks its offending and she said 'it's your wedding, it's what you want, not me'... All in all, I still didn't want to ask the girls to do it, but FH and I both agreed that they should... I have them too and I defintly wouldn't feel as if I was asked to alter my body to cover them for one day.

i think that seems a bit demanding of you. Im not attacking you but it seems that you are saying if they dont want to do these things they should drop out. But if you werent going to be happy with the way your BMs are then you shouldnt have asked them to begin with.

they are your friends/family, you should accept them as they are.


i havent told my BMs to do much of anything. I told them to find silver shoes that they are comfy in. I wouldnt want someone to tell me to wear a certain shoe that im not comfy in or wouldnt wear again and have to spend a lot of money. It can be a big expense to be in a BP

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Posted by soon2bmrsconnolly

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Posted by missliss

It's your choice to buy them $400 gifts. They are under no obligation to spend anywhere near the same amount on their dresses/shoes in order to have the right to complain. If their dresses drag in flip-flops it is NOT a big deal. They're never going to wear the BM dresses again either, so if they get dirty or stepped on, it's not a big deal, sorry. If I insisted on my girls buying a certain shoe and they couldn't afford it and it was that important to me that they wear that particular shoe, then I would offer to help them pay for it.

You asked them to be your BMs knowing they would have tattoos showing. Why not compromise and buy them matching pashminas as part of their gift, then their tattoos would be covered for pictures and walking down the aisle and they don't have to actually alter their own bodies?

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I agree.

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Me too.

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Posted by jgl

i think that seems a bit demanding of you. Im not attacking you but it seems that you are saying if they dont want to do these things they should drop out. But if you werent going to be happy with the way your BMs are then you shouldnt have asked them to begin with.

they are your friends/family, you should accept them as they are.


i havent told my BMs to do much of anything. I told them to find silver shoes that they are comfy in. I wouldnt want someone to tell me to wear a certain shoe that im not comfy in or wouldnt wear again and have to spend a lot of money. It can be a big expense to be in a BP

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No no no I didn't mean it like that... I hope you girls don't think that.. That one BM has just been complaining over everything even the color of her bo-k... She's just like that...

I definitly accept my family/friends JUST the way they are.. I did take 6 girls with me to try on shoes and they picked them, not me.. The ones I liked more were uncomfy for them, so they picked the shoe they thought would be the best for them... I should have said that in the beginning too.. As for the ones that didn't come, I cant help that, I offered.. What more could I do?

so this is how i feel and you can do what ya want with it....JMO...I have been a BM in many weddings and i have several in my BP....I am always respectful of what the bride has wanted....hair, shoes, dress, whatever the price b/c quite honestly its part of accepting to be in the BP....being in a BP is often costly....but you do it for friends...I know I certainly have...whomever does not realize this, may never have been a part of a BP....having said all of that, I also have never been told to wear my hair a certain way or buy a specific shoe, etc....only requirement I have been asked to do is of course by the dress the bride has asked....everyone has a different comfort level, so I know I am not asking my BM's to wear a specific shoe.....again JMO....everyone is different....and I have never been asked to watch my tan lines....though i agree with some of what you said, I think that may have been a bit over the top...sorry you are aggravated though

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Posted by bella1028

so this is how i feel and you can do what ya want with it....JMO...I have been a BM in many weddings and i have several in my BP....I am always respectful of what the bride has wanted....hair, shoes, dress, whatever the price b/c quite honestly its part of accepting to be in the BP....being in a BP is often costly....but you do it for friends...I know I certainly have...whomever does not realize this, may never have been a part of a BP....having said all of that, I also have never been told to wear my hair a certain way or buy a specific shoe, etc....only requirement I have been asked to do is of course by the dress the bride has asked....everyone has a different comfort level, so I know I am not asking my BM's to wear a specific shoe.....again JMO....everyone is different....and I have never been asked to watch my tan lines....though i agree with some of what you said, I think that may have been a bit over the top...sorry you are aggravated though

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Ok ok the tan line thing was a bit over the top, but I have been a BM too and been asked to even have my hair a certian way.. The bride said, so I did.. I just thought that I would get the same treatment ya know? Thanks for your opinion.. I appriecate it

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Posted by FCsBride914

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Posted by bella1028

so this is how i feel and you can do what ya want with it....JMO...I have been a BM in many weddings and i have several in my BP....I am always respectful of what the bride has wanted....hair, shoes, dress, whatever the price b/c quite honestly its part of accepting to be in the BP....being in a BP is often costly....but you do it for friends...I know I certainly have...whomever does not realize this, may never have been a part of a BP....having said all of that, I also have never been told to wear my hair a certain way or buy a specific shoe, etc....only requirement I have been asked to do is of course by the dress the bride has asked....everyone has a different comfort level, so I know I am not asking my BM's to wear a specific shoe.....again JMO....everyone is different....and I have never been asked to watch my tan lines....though i agree with some of what you said, I think that may have been a bit over the top...sorry you are aggravated though

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Ok ok the tan line thing was a bit over the top, but I have been a BM too and been asked to even have my hair a certian way.. The bride said, so I did.. I just thought that I would get the same treatment ya know? Thanks for your opinion.. I appriecate it

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i hear ya....i dont think asking your BM's to wear their hair a certain way is out of the ordinary at all...and if you have done it for them, they should oblige....i bet the guys done ever have these problems

Definitly not My FH just smiles when I tell him these things and nods like he can relate to me

They can do thier hair however they want.. I just dont want them to be too similiar to me, thats all.. Thanks for understand btw

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Posted by FCsBride914

Definitly not My FH just smiles when I tell him these things and nods like he can relate to me

They can do thier hair however they want.. I just dont want them to be too similiar to me, thats all.. Thanks for understand btw

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anytime....i would not want any of my BM's hair to be too similar to mine either....i truly dont think what you are asking is a lot at all for girls who agreed to be a part of your day

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Posted by bella1028

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Posted by FCsBride914

Definitly not My FH just smiles when I tell him these things and nods like he can relate to me

They can do thier hair however they want.. I just dont want them to be too similiar to me, thats all.. Thanks for understand btw

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anytime....i would not want any of my BM's hair to be too similar to mine either....i truly dont think what you are asking is a lot at all for girls who agreed to be a part of your day

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TY.. I appriecate it!

I wish that the BMs would just understand that our wishes somehow relate to the bigger picture, that being our vision. For one day, it is not such a burden to ask that they attend to the little details that we consider important, regardless of how ridiculous we may be. We'd do it for them, no questions asked, no negative judgment.
I wanted all of my girls to wear flats and their hair up. I got such s*it for it that I gave up. In the end, I realized that I love them for their individuality and my wedding is not an excuse to rob them of it. However, they are all at least 5'8 and I'm 5'1. I wanted my hair to be the only one down and I wanted to feel that I didn't have to stand 5 feet away from them to have a meaningful conversation (shorter girls will know what I mean). It's my only wedding day and I have had visions of what I'd like to see happen.....what is so wrong with helping a loved one realize her vision or her dream...even if it's a little self-sacrificing?????? As I said though..I learned fast that you ask nothing of your girls. Some will offer to fit into your vision, some won't. We just can't waste our energy worrying about it.

I feel like everything I would have said has been said already...

but just to show you... I originally wanted all my girls in the same shoes and wanted them to all be dyed together, but then one girl said they were really uncomfy for her because she has wider feet... so i told them to just all get their own shoes and have them dyed.

no one even noticed their shoes on the day of... but here's a picture of all the different shoes, and i promise, it didn't even make the slightest difference!