Bridesmaid VENT - LONG

maybride03 Posted: May 03, 2005 08:04 PM

Bridesmaid VENT - LONG

OK, I have to vent about one of my bridesmaids. Everyone has been really cool except for this one girl. She lives on the West Coast, so she's always complaining that she feels like she's out of the planning. I tried to include her as much as I can through e-mails and pictures, but she still complained or make sarcastic comments every time I try to include her in stuff. I had told all the girls when I asked them that if the cost becomes too prohibitive, please let me know because I don't want them to go into debt over this. I also kept repeating this throughout the year. And I try to be reasonable - I just picked a color for them and they picked their own dresses, I'm paying for their hair, I told them they can just do their own makeup, I'm paying for a limo to take them to and from the hotel, etc. Some of them do have to pay for plane tickets and rental cars, and all of them are paying for their dresses and hotels.

So I just found out that this girl has been complaining to my other BMs that she has no money for the wedding and she's mad that I haven't offered to contribute to pay for anything else. I am SO UPSET because I kept repeating for them to just let me know if the costs are getting too high - I will understand if they have to drop out. She had already complained about why the winery is so far from her aunt's place in NJ, so she has to pay for the hotel, and I asked her then if she was okay with the cost, and she said yes. She also didn't attend and didn't contribute to my shower and my b-party (which I didn't ask for and the other girls just surprised me with them). She also FORGOT to tell me that her boyfriend wouldn't be coming to the wedding until I happened to mention him today, and then she remembered. If I hadn't mentioned her boyfriend we would've been stuck with paying for him.

I'm just so sick and tired of her complaining to me and behind my back. Everyone else has been so wonderful so far.

Thanks for listening, girls! I just need to vent...

ChrissynRicky Posted: May 03, 2005 09:06 PM

Re: Bridesmaid VENT - LONG

OMG! This sis a tough situation! I just can't understand how you repeatedly told them if they had a problem w/the money to speak up and she didn't! She obviously is biotching about the distance (which you have no control over) and uses the money as an excuse. Do you have someone else you can include instead of her? I was give an ultimatum! JMO of course! You are being entirely over generous by paying for many things most BM's are responsible for....you don't need to pay for anything else! Stand your ground! Like the wedding isn't running you a bizillion dollars to begin with???? HELLO!

WedHead Posted: May 03, 2005 09:58 PM

Re: Bridesmaid VENT - LONG

That's ridiculous, and annoying. I have a friend who complained non-stop about being in someone else's wedding party and the expense. So, I didn't include her in mine and now she's making me feel guilty. So, you can never win.

Karacg Posted: May 03, 2005 10:10 PM

Re: Bridesmaid VENT - LONG

I am sorry you have this problem - offer her the option of just doing a reading - BUT...I just want you to know that YOU WILL HAVE THE MOST AWESOME WEDDING EVER!!!!!!

As you can see, I got married at Raphael in August 2004 and it was really just AMAZING. Julie is the BEST!!!!!!

At my age (38) I have been to and participated in many weddings and no matter what you will be HAPPY AND HAVE A WONDERFUL WEDDING!!!! Remember that and enjoy yourself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

romameansamor Posted: May 03, 2005 10:24 PM

Re: Bridesmaid VENT - LONG

How many bridesmaids do you have? Only b/c would it be understandable and still a mystery if you mentioned to her that you are getting the impression that the cost is becoming too much for her? T

ell her you can't do much more than pay what you are already paying (WHICH IS SOOOOOO GENEROUS AS IT IS - ungrateful little wench!) but if it is a problem, ask her what would help her. She will never say 'move the wedding closer to my aunts' or 'pay for my flight' or anything else- she will be just forced to shut her mouth.

Good luck!!

buggiegirl Posted: May 03, 2005 10:32 PM

Re: Bridesmaid VENT - LONG

I would say something like 'It has been brought to my attention that perhaps you are not fully comfortable with some financial situations regarding my wedding. What can I do so we can work this out for you?'

That way she knows you know she has been talking about you, and you are still saying it in a way that shouldn't put her on the defensive.

JMO

Good luck

maybride03 Posted: May 03, 2005 10:49 PM

Re: Bridesmaid VENT - LONG

Thank you so much, girls! You have made me feel so much better. Yeah, I think I will say something to her about how it has been brought my attention that she might have financial problems, and see what she says. I just don't want her to continuously complain about this, especially to my other BMs who have been have wonderful.

I have 6 bridesmaids - we are all best friends and former roommates from college, and it was one of those situations where I either invited all 6 or none, because any other combination someone would get hurt. I didn't realize she was going to be like this when I first asked her. I totally don't care if she drops out now - in fact I would almost prefer it so I don't have to deal with her. I have 5 other girls who are supportive.

And you're right, Karacg! We will still have a great wedding at a beautiful place.

Thanks again everyone!!!!