Bridesmaids and bridal shower dilemma

So...FH tells me last night that 2 of my bridesmaids want to have a backyard bridal shower to cut costs when all the rest agreed to pay to have it somewhere. (Cost wasn't that much...FH isn't good with keeping secrets) Not to sound inconsiderate, but I am the last to get married and never once did I cut costs when it came to their bridal showers and weddings when I really couldn't afford it, am I wrong to feel that it's not that much to spend especially when they know I don't want a backyard shower. I'm letting them pick their own dresses to find one they like and can afford, and not asking them to get specific shoes, hair, or jewelry like some of them asked me to. I just want to go to some restaurant somewhere, eat, talk, open gifts, and go home.

What would you do?

Bridesmaids and bridal shower dilemma

Is one of the two bridesmaids your maid of honor? If you have a maid of honor and if she is not one of the two, I would let her know that you would really like your shower in a restaurant. I would then think she would pass on the information to the other girls. If not, I would tell her to pass on that information.

Bridesmaids and bridal shower dilemma

Stick to what you want!

Bridesmaids and bridal shower dilemma

Yes I would say to try to discreetly mention to your MOH that, thats not something you would want and even though you understand the need to be cost effective you would want them to think of another option. I feel like this should be understood especially if you would do the same for them.

Bridesmaids and bridal shower dilemma

I would totally mention something to your MOH!!!

Bridesmaids and bridal shower dilemma

So after FH looked into it further, it's my MOH and one other that are thinking of planning a backyard party to save money. I carefully spoke to my MOH telling her again that I really don't want a backyard shower. She said to me 'are you paying?' I responded 'no, I'm paying for the wedding' and left it at that. I hope she comes around and plans what I would enjoy. FH offered to pay her share if it's a she can't afford it issue. I said that's ok, but I'd rather not since that's really us paying and we are already spending for the wedding

Bridesmaids and bridal shower dilemma

Whoa.

Good for your for responding like that! And it's awful of her to talk to you like that.

When she took on the role, she knew money was going to be involved. Maybe you can try the angle of backyard showers will take more time to plan, you have to get all the food, where would we have it, what if it's bad weather...etc. Or, just continue to stick to your guns.

I wouldn't offer to pay her entire share either. If she's really struggling, maybe contribute in some way but not the whole thing. If she's just being cheap, don't offer to pay. You could also maybe help in the search to find an affordable restaurant. But don't compromise on what you want to please others. You didn't for theirs, don't start with yours.

Bridesmaids and bridal shower dilemma

I was in the same boat. I'm also the last to get married and I $ucked it up for everyone else's wedding, always gave thoughtful gifts, spent all the required money. And literally no one returned the favor when it was my turn. I had a back yard (turned in doors because it rained) shower, to which only 1/2 the people invited came. We received less than 1/4 of what we registered for. Not that it's a competition, but my shower was one of the lamest shower's I've been to. My MOH did her best, not being from LI, but I would have thought my mom would know better. She actually disappointed me the most. But, I smiled and said thank you and am very grateful for the people who did show and the gifts we did get.
Definitely stick to your guns if you know that's what's going on now. If I'd known, I definitely would have spoken up. Don't settle!