Bridesmaids dilemma - LONG POST -

So I am totally confused. I have posted about this before, but our engagement party is less then 1 month away and people keep asking me if I am going to announce it at the party

issues:
1. my grandma is so annoying (my dads mom) and will be looking at who I have in my bridal party. I am closer with certain cousins from my moms side and would like to have them be in the bridal party, but if I don't include my cousins from my dads side my gma will FLIP.

2. If i include EVERYONE I will have 12 BM including my MOH. FH only has 9 GM. I am worried about pictures...

3. I have 3 girl cousins from my moms side - one is already in the wedding - but she has a sister and I am not sure if it looks bad if I don't have the sister but have my other 2 cousins. My cousin said her sister would not care at all, but I still feel bad having 2 and not all 3.

4. my cousins from my dads side...well..one lives in arizona and I hardly see her, BUT my grandma will flip if I don't have her...my grandma is old school italian and takes everything so personally. It is her daughters - daughter -- and she will look at it as I am being spiteful and purposely not picking her.
There is only one cousin I'd like to have from my dads side of the family -- but does that look bad -- if I have the 2 girls from my moms side and only one from my dads? the one who lives in arizona is an only child, too, so I can't even try and say I am only having one from each family because, well...she would be the one from her family!

WHY IS THIS SO HARD?
I am at the point that I am going to have everyone. All 12 of them. I bought their gifts already, too - personalized none the less - and now I am having second thoughts.

My dad already said that it will not go over well with his family AKA MY GRANDMA if his side of the family is only involved in the bridal shower and coming to the house the day of the wedding to 'help' me get dressed..honestly I don't want anyone at my house except my BM and my aunts that I am close with. it all comes down to this: I am closer with my moms side of the family and not my dads. Why must people take this so personally? I am trying to please EVERYONE - yet I am the bride and am not happy!!!!!
Also- I am only having a ceremony not a full mass so there will be no gifts to bring up and minimal readings.

Thoughts???? What would you do in this situation? HELP!

First of all, don't worry about the pictures looking weird. People have an uneven bridal party all the time.
As far as your gma, I was in the same position and just asked all of my cousins. on that side of the family. One actually turned me down. I did exclude one of my cousins, but it was kind of easy because she is my second cousin.
Like you, I'm closer with my moms side than dads because they are divorced and I always spent more time with mom's family. I didn't ask any cousins on my dads side and no one was offended. The way I see it, if you aren't close with someone, they might not want to be in your party. (I'm not saying this in a negative way at all). I asked a cousin who I'm not close with because my grandma was upset that I wasn't asking her. She simply told me she felt uncomfortable being in the party. I'm absolutely fine with that because I only want people there who WANT to be there.

It's your wedding, you have to do what makes sense to you. The same way my gma got over my cousin declining being in my party, yours will get over you not having every cousin in your party!

I typed this all on my phone so excuse me if some parts make no sense!

Thanks girls :) I am still torn because i KNOW how its going to look:

2 from my moms (even more because my fh is asking my only boy cousin to be a groomsmen - plus the ringbearer is my older cousins son!)
and only 1 from my dads side. i am not close with my cousin in arizona -and how is she going to be involved in ANYTHING since she lives far away?

I think you should only be concerned with making yourself and FH happy. Of course you want your family to be happy too, but if they can't be happy with the decisions you make, that's something they'll have to deal with. Having an uneven amount of girls and guys isn't that big of a deal (and this is coming from the OCD queen!), you'll just have to ask your photographer to be a little more creative with group shots.

I was a BM at my cousins wedding, about 10 years ago, and she now has 2 kids and really has a lot going on. I'm not asking her to be a BM bc were really just not that close, but I am going to involve her in some other way.

First all, I'm so sorry that you're going through this! I really don't think that people realize that planning a wedding is stressful enough and that anything that would add stress just isn't worth it!

But I totally agree with all the other ladies. As hard as it is, you gotta do what is right for you and your FH.

My coworker just recently told me that when you get married your relationships with other people change and you have the big possibility of pissing a lot of people off. But once the wedding is over, everyone goes back to normal.

Just keep in mind that you don't want this one day to set in motion family conflicts tht could go on forever. Maybe just invite all of them and designate a couple of close friends in the party to be the bridesmaids wranglers and keep everyone in line. If there are conflicts over dresses etc, just smile sweetly and say 'So and so is handling that'. Then have regular meetings with your key people to make decisions.
Most of them will just walk down the aisle and sit in the pews looking pretty as their only real job. The real wedding is between you and your groom.
Don't worry about uneven pics, that is very common. All your cousins just want to get to wear the dress and be in the pics.
I say make grandma happy and just invite everyone and save yourself years of grandma grief!!!!

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Posted by Karin

Just keep in mind that you don't want this one day to set in motion family conflicts tht could go on forever. Maybe just invite all of them and designate a couple of close friends in the party to be the bridesmaids wranglers and keep everyone in line. If there are conflicts over dresses etc, just smile sweetly and say 'So and so is handling that'. Then have regular meetings with your key people to make decisions.
Most of them will just walk down the aisle and sit in the pews looking pretty as their only real job. The real wedding is between you and your groom.
Don't worry about uneven pics, that is very common. All your cousins just want to get to wear the dress and be in the pics.
I say make grandma happy and just invite everyone and save yourself years of grandma grief!!!!

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I totally agree with you. i don't want to hear anyone complain or feel 'umimportant'

thank you to all you girls who gave their opinions - it is really helpful!
xoxo