Brotherly woes LONG (wedding related)

I might have mentioned this in a few posts, but here it is again. My brother got married in November and his wedding was beautiful. They had a great honeymoon, but when they returned, the honeymoon was truly over (no cliche intended) Since then they have been fighting, attempting counseling, etc. I have tried to be as supportive as possible as he is my only sibling and I don't want to see him hurt. Now here's my problem: I got engaged on 4/12/03 and expected that he would be very excited and happy that his baby sister finally found someone wonderful, who treats me like a princess, is so comfortable around my parents and my bro, is loved by all of our family and friends, etc. Instead, he congratulated us, drank a chamapagne toast and then started complaining about her. It took her a week to call and congratulate FH and me and a month to bring us a card and gift (I gave them a card and gift within one week). Today, my brother stopped in to visit and I overheard him tell my mom that she asked him for a divorce. I feel so bad for him BUT WHAT ABOUT ME???

Am I selfish to want my moment as the engaged child? I feel like he had his year of engagement and excitement. I can see that my mom is torn between being a supportive mom to him and being excited for me and wanting to dress shop with me et al.

I guess I just need reassurance that I am not being a selfish witch because I want my engagement to be special and not overshadowed by his troubles. Anyone?

Oh Sweetie!!! Of course you're not being selfish! It's got to be very difficult to share in your happiness when your brother does not sound happy with his own situation. Not for nothing, I hope he can put his own anguish aside and show some more enthusiasm along the way. I'm sure your Mom is torn too. It's got to be hard seeing your child's happiness ripped out of him. Do you think a nice little heart to heart w/ Mom would make you feel any better? Like, approach the topic by saying you know that your brother is expierencing a rough time right now, but you're really excited and want to plan. So, maybe you & your Mom can set aside time that's designated for your wedding planning only? This way, you'll know that THAT time is just for you & her & happy times?
Sorry if I'm not much help- it was the only suggestion I could think of...
Again, I do not think you're being selfish though.

You are not being selfish because you feel that way! I don't blame you. I don't think there is anything you can do about it though. I am sorry that you are going through this- the timing is bad.
I agree with MV- try and set aside some time with mom.

I'm so sorry that you're family is going through this! While you'll have to accept that your mom and your family as a whole are going to be absorbed by both your engagement as well as his divorce, you could tell your mom that you hope she can still be excited for you! This is a very trying time for your family, and perhaps your friends can offer you more of the kind of excitement you seek b/c your brother may not be able to right now. He needs your understanding, and your happiness may be very bittersweet to him right now.

Good luck to you and your whole family

Thanks for the reassurance. Mom is being great to me. She has been asking when I want to go dress shopping and looking at dresses for herself online. I guess I just feel like my moment is going to be stolen by my brother's divorce. I spent my high school and college years being single because I was shy and couldn't find someone. When I finally started dating FH I thought everyone would be so happy...and they were...until a month later when my brother got engaged. I'm just missing my big brother and I wish I could call him and talk to him about my plans, but last time we spoke one on one, I was on the phone for 45 minutes with him going on and on and me saying nothing. I need his support as much as he needs mine, but he is a needier person, so I am ****ing it up and trying to share my happiness about my wedding with others who might give me the feedback I need. I feel yucky.

Aw, you poor thing. It's totally natural to be upset - it's your special time and you want your big brother to be able to celebrate it with you. I don't think you're being selfish at all, but at the same time, it is natural that your brother might have trouble being enthusiastic about marraige right now, in light of what he has been dealing with. I'm sure he's happy for you on the inside though, even if he may not be able to show it. It's great that your mom is so enthusiastic - you'll have a great time when you start dress shopping - I think I finally am in two weeks. I've had similar problems with negative family things going on and feeling like they are overshadowing my excitement, so I have some idea what you're feeling. Hang in there - things will get better!

Thanks Jax. I was wondering if anyone else had a family issue that overshadowed their engagement. It's just unfortunate that it had to happen now. I feel bad for my bro. He works so hard to please. I remember when I was about 19 I told a girl he was dating that I would love to find a guy who would treat me like my brother treats his girlfriends. He is romantic and thoughtful and hardworking and family oriented and he ended up with someone who has mental issues (real, not being catty here) and he feels really lost. I know I have a year and change before my wedding, but I hope he is in better spirits at my wedding. Thanks for listening, ladies. If anyone has any words of wisdom, I would love to hear them. Good night. I'll be back on in the morning.

Your brother sounds like a really good guy, and I think that once he gets through this worst patch, things will get easier. I'm sure that he cares about your happiness an awful lot. Why is it always the good guys who get screwed over? I have so many male friends who are just genuinely good, caring, loving people, and they have the worst time with women! Feel free to FM me if you feel like talking/venting.

Thanks for everything. I think this will work out. It's just right now that I feel stressed and like I can't share this special time in my life with my own brother. Hopefully they will either divorce as neatly as possible (probably unheard of) or she will get help and they can recover. Anyway, thanks for listening.

I know how you feel-your bother seems to be in limbo- its hard to see happiness in someone else when your not happy-have you spoke to your mom? I know it must be hard maybe she can bring it to his attention-I had the same thing happen with my mother- she is overweight and looking forward to getting the gastric bypass operation and eveytime I asked her if she would come and help me pick out gowns- she would check her calender and somehow the focus went from me to all of her appointments she had with all these doctors- I have been going with her to support her- but I needed support also- and I wanted some attention I was so upset with her but how can you tell this to your mom- my mother is so sensitive that it would have went to another level so I just kept it inside even now when I talk about the planning she is like in another world- but I just stopped asking her- its like she doesnt want to think about my wedding until she loses weight- Im sorry this is your story-but I want to let you know that you are not the only one and your not selfish at all

i don't think you are being selfish at all..its s ahrd tiem for you both - and your family too i am sure because of this mixed emotion stuff - happy for you, sad for him...it will come around...trust me...he just need a little healing time, thats all!!

Thanks for all of the love and reassurance. I knew I could count on the ladies here to make me feel like I deserve my happiness