BTDW QOTD!!

Hey, ladies!!

Well, I’m coming off a frustrating night. Our computer was down last night. It’s the all time worst computer EVER, but we are trying to hold off on buying a new one until after the wedding. I mean, this thing is so old, it’s almost an abacus. It’s like what ET made in the woods to phone home, out of string, an umbrella, and a Speak-n-Spell.

And then I lay in bed, despondent over not being able to use the computer to talk to my girls. What we DID buy the other day was new phones, and they’re web phones. So I figure, I’ll go on LIW on the phone! When I FINALLY access the web, I saw GPorka’s post Can Someone Pry The Food From My Hands, and had to respond. Let’s just say the phone wound up being thrown across the room, and my hands had palsied from the touch typing, and all the deleting, because Fingers Of Fat were in rare form. So I went to sleep to stave off the growing rage, and resulting growing appetite.

I wake this morning with a renewed sense of purpose. Today’s QOTD will be a colossus of a post, and one that will leave babies and the elderly alike in awe of my originality and wit:

What do you love most about FH??

Psyche. Only kidding. Although I do love those questions.

No, a friend of mine sent me an email a while ago, and I loved answering it. It’s long- I think I should probably break it up into two days. Okay, I’m breaking it up. If you guys hate it, let me know, and I’ll do something else for tomorrow, like Boxers or Briefs??

Okay!! Here is the first edition of the two day QOTD Extravaganza. I’m calling it BTDW QOTD (Balls to Da Wall QOTD). Please wear protective gear before diving in. And you can make your answers as short or long as you like, or only answer the ones you want. Have fun!

1. What’s your middle name? Marie. I’m an original.
2. What profession other than your own would you attempt? I have no profession- I just show up at a job. In a perfect world, I would get paid for announcing my opinions to the world. I do it already- getting paid for it would be awesome. And since all of my opinions are correct and fact-based, they would probably make me queen of something.
3. Favorite Sound? Choral music. Seriously. I’m not even kidding- listen to Handel’s Messiah on a great stereo, or the last movements of Beethoven’s 9th. No, I’m not trying to be a total geek. It comes naturally. Also, I love the sound of moving water in a river, or crashing waves. Silence is my other favorite. However, I fear that if I write my favorite sound is silence, God will strike me deaf.
4. Least favorite sound? Idiots talking.
5. Favorite smell? Campfire.
6. Favorite word or saying? I love you. It sounds so gay, but when someone you don’t expect to say it says it to you, it’s earthshaking. Not even in a lover way, but from a friend. Okay, I’m gay.
7. Least favorite word or saying? Supposably. It’s ‘supposedly’. Or ‘You go, Girl’. Or, ‘It’s all good’. Or ‘The buffet is closed’.
8. If you could look like any celebrity, who would you choose? The youngest one possible, so I’d have a few years before the dew goes off the lily. So, Dakota Fanning, I guess. As long as she turns out pretty. Even though I dislike her intensely.
9. What celebrity have you been told you look like? Natalie from the ‘Facts of Life’ and Martha Plimpton from the Goonies. It’s a miracle I haven’t killed myself. But better than George Plimpton, I guess. And when I was very young and ET came out, people would marvel at how much I looked like Drew Barrymore. I don’t know when it all went wrong.
10. If you were stranded on an island, name three male celebrities you would take with you? Patrick Dempsey, because even though he’s not a doctor, he plays one on TV, and he might be able to fix me if I stepped on a blowfish. Dr. Phil. Just because I’d like to get him alone for a few minutes and rip his moustache out of his face, dumb a$$. And the tool from Survivorman on Discovery, because he could probably McGyver us off the f-ing island. I guess, then, also Bear Grylls from Discovery also, because he’s hotter than Survivorman, and will eat anything, and I love the accent. And he could find us water. And George Clooney. I can’t stand him, and at the same time, I love him. Why do I want to smack his face, then kiss it?? So I guess Dempsey, Survivorman, and Clooney, so I get medical attention, a hot guy, and off the island, so they can all ditch me for models when we get home.
11. Name 3 female celebrities you would take on that island? Madonna. Because it doesn’t get any better than Madonna. Courtney Love. Because in the absence of alcohol, we could probably lick her face and get wasted. And then it wouldn’t be so bad to be on the island. And Pamela Anderson. Because I could float off the island on her boobs.
12. Favorite Party Food? You know it- Roy Rogers. If you’re in a Roy Rogers, it’s a party. Even without the hookers and blow.
13. Favorite Bar Drink? Malibu Maybreeze. I will go hide under my desk now, I’m so embarrassed. Or Amaretto on the rocks.
14. What turns you on? Humor, intelligence, kindness.
15. What turns you off? Frattiness. Intransigence in the face of contrary evidence. A$$holes. Sexists and racists.
16. Favorite curse word? Cun+y. Put a ‘y’ at the end of it, and it’s charming. Leave the ‘y’ off, and nothing gets your point across better. I love its versatility.
17. Least favorite curse word? Gosh Darn, dang, etc. These people just won’t commit. Or, if they aren’t considered curses, then ‘a$$hole’, which I say with some regularity. I mean, think of it. It’s pretty gross.
18. What profession would you NOT like to do? White House Press Secretary. For either party. Lying for a living and standing knee deep in BS must be painful.
19. Red or pink? Pink. Like my lady parts. Red=infection.
20. Target or Walmart? Wal-mart. I’m so ashamed. Locked-in illegal immigrants, sub-living wages, and no employee health coverage be damned. $2.50 for a box of Frosted Flakes? I'm sold.

Okay, I’m stopping here. There are 28 more. Is this too much??? Gosh darn dang it, let me know.