Can I please have some advice?

Original post by sarahradio5

Mar 16, 2006 09:35 AM

My FH and I got in a fight about his e-mail password last night. We were looking at something on our laptop, and he went to sign into his e-mail account and COVERED THE KEYS WHILE HE TYPED IT!!! I was SO upset. It's not that I NEED to know it (I would NEVER use it), but why on EARTH would he feel the NEED to hide it from me? He said 'there are some things we need to keep private'. Are there?!? I don't think so! I was soooo upset. He was right, though, that he opened his mail in front of me, so he's obviously not hiding anything. But, for whatever reason, this is an issue to him. I was sitting on the couch, upset about this, and without my prompting, he finally told me what it was, and then stormed up to bed. We didn't watch our shows together, didn't say good night, he didn't say goodbye this morning. I didn't sleep all night (I don't think he did either). This really upset me. I still haven't heard from him. I was just interested in hearing opinions of girls who are in the same stage of relationship as me.. my fellow brides! I am SO secure in my relationship with my FH... we are SO happy together... we are IN LOVE with each other... we do EVERYTHING together. I think that's why THIS stupid e-mail issue shocked the heck out of me. Not that I would EVER, in a MILLION YEARS, sign into his e-mail and use his password. I NEVER would. I just can't believe he covered the keyboard to HIDE it from me!

Sorry for the long vent... I would really like some advice/thoughts. Thank you!

LaurenluvsTJ Posted: Mar 16, 2006 12:29 PM

Re: Can I please have some advice?

Posted by sarahradio5

thank you, girls! I appreciate it, and I love that I have this website to turn to for GREAT things... and stinky things! (This was one of the stinky things.) Happy to report all is well now. He just called to tell me he loved me and was sorry.

That one was a DOOSEY! Thanks for helping me out! You girls RULE!

(I was afraid for awhile that this argument was gonna last into the weekend and the Anniversary Party! Thank God, it's OVER!) I want the chocolate fountains! lol

I am glad all is well again! Maybe you should talk about these issues at a later date though, when this has blown over and you are both calm.

SeptBride70 Posted: Mar 16, 2006 12:30 PM

Re: Can I please have some advice?

Posted by sarahradio5

thank you, girls! I appreciate it, and I love that I have this website to turn to for GREAT things... and stinky things! (This was one of the stinky things.) Happy to report all is well now. He just called to tell me he loved me and was sorry.

That one was a DOOSEY! Thanks for helping me out! You girls RULE!

(I was afraid for awhile that this argument was gonna last into the weekend and the Anniversary Party! Thank God, it's OVER!) I want the chocolate fountains! lol

lol, see i had a feeling--once he cooled off, he would realize and call back with the sorry!

so glad it worked out

StreetDoc6531 Posted: Mar 16, 2006 12:31 PM

Re: Can I please have some advice?

Im glad everything is working out for you

DandS Posted: Mar 16, 2006 12:40 PM

Re: Can I please have some advice?

I am glad to hear it all blew over and everything is ok! It sounds like you need some nice chocolate after the day you just had.

bluesashbride Posted: Mar 16, 2006 12:48 PM

Re: Can I please have some advice?

I think relationships have boundaries, whatever each person is comfortable with defines those boundaries and you have to respect their comfort level.

There is no black and white right or wrong but you should consider what the other person is comfortable with and give them the trust they deserve and sometimes the space they need.

STA...OK I read it blew over! YEA! Happy it ended well!

sarahradio5 Posted: Mar 16, 2006 01:00 PM

Re: Can I please have some advice?

thank you, thank you, thank you and thank you!

ginaandtommy06 Posted: Mar 16, 2006 01:09 PM

Re: Can I please have some advice?

You seem so nice. Good luck!

sugarkube4 Posted: Mar 16, 2006 01:14 PM

Re: Can I please have some advice?

FH and I don't know eachothers passwords but we are always looking over eachothers shoulders bc we have nothing to hide.. it wasn't always like this.. in the beginning I used to just be able to sign onto AOL without having to put my password in and FH used to look at all my emails and go through my deleted emails and sent emails and read everything and then start a brawl with me.. Thankfully we got over that.. He's still jealous but at least I know he cares enough to be jealous.. So it's just something we deal with!!

SPITSBRIDE Posted: Mar 16, 2006 01:48 PM

Re: Can I please have some advice?

Posted by ginaandtommy06

On the surface you have one thing.

The guy protects his privacy

Under the surface there's a different story. (not to overanalyze which I always do).

Under the surface: control issues (hiding the password)

Passive aggressive behavior (telling you, storming off like you're the jerk. Continuing to not talk to you).

You did nothing wrong but then he made you feel like you did which probably made you feel guilty and angry.

Controlling/passive aggressive behavior will make you insane because you always ending thinking you're the problem when you're not. If you want to discuss the problem the passive aggressive person is like: 'I don't have a problem you have the problem.'

The fact that he 'stayed mad' over something stupid screams that he's setting the boundaries in a pretty crummy place.

Be careful, I do not deal with this sort of behavior anymore.

Wow, your good...so true!

SeptBride70 Posted: Mar 16, 2006 01:49 PM

Re: Can I please have some advice?

Posted by SPITSBRIDE

Posted by ginaandtommy06

On the surface you have one thing.

The guy protects his privacy

Under the surface there's a different story. (not to overanalyze which I always do).

Under the surface: control issues (hiding the password)

Passive aggressive behavior (telling you, storming off like you're the jerk. Continuing to not talk to you).

You did nothing wrong but then he made you feel like you did which probably made you feel guilty and angry.

Controlling/passive aggressive behavior will make you insane because you always ending thinking you're the problem when you're not. If you want to discuss the problem the passive aggressive person is like: 'I don't have a problem you have the problem.'

The fact that he 'stayed mad' over something stupid screams that he's setting the boundaries in a pretty crummy place.

Be careful, I do not deal with this sort of behavior anymore.

Wow, your good...so true!

right?? that's what i said!!! haha

sarahradio5 Posted: Mar 16, 2006 01:50 PM

Re: Can I please have some advice?

Posted by ginaandtommy06

You seem so nice. Good luck!

thank you! so do you!

Whoa.... we're half way theeere...
Whoa-oh... livin' on a prayer!

Are you going to the Anniversary party on Saturday?

ginaandtommy06 Posted: Mar 16, 2006 01:54 PM

Re: Can I please have some advice?

I wish I could. I hope you guys have a blast.

SeptBride70 Posted: Mar 16, 2006 02:04 PM

Re: Can I please have some advice?

Posted by ginaandtommy06

I wish I could. I hope you guys have a blast.

aww... there's always next time !!

CLMon7906 Posted: Mar 16, 2006 02:15 PM

Re: Can I please have some advice?

i had to make mine private from FH because he was checking my emails behind my back and then getting angry with me when i confided with my aunt/moh about things...she and i are super close and we can discuss things that FH would blow off or not deem worthy of talking out. some things are private...like a diary...you'd never share your diary...emails can be like that. i wouldn't sweat it.

bridy06 Posted: Mar 16, 2006 02:20 PM

Re: Can I please have some advice?

Posted by STBMrsDaniRella

Posted by sarahradio5

Posted by STBMrsDaniRella

yes yes yes... i couldn't agree more, he should be happy that you are trying to resolve this and move past it and taking the right steps to ensure his privacy yet still get your feelings across... and most of all, he should never bring up his ex whether what you did reminded him or not. that's not needed and you are trying to communicate the right way, come to a nice comprimise, meet him half way and he's not responding and treating you with the same respect you are showing him... that's not fair to you.
i really hope he cools off a little, realizes, and gives you a call so that you can actually TALK instead of just getting upset which won't solve anything... good luck!!!!

thank you . He took my wanting to know his password as my not trusting him, which I DO completely. He's not the easiest person in the world, but I always forgive him for stupid little things - and even some big things. I do SOOOOO much for him... it just hurts that during those rare arguments where HE feels wronged, it takes SO MUCH for him to forgive me. (even though I was hurt in this argument, too). When I forgive him, it's done. Forgotten. We're better for the future. Laugh at something, and have a good rest of the day. When he's mad at ME, it's like I'm punished ALL DAY. I know he just takes awhile to come to terms, and he will in time and things will be fine. I just hate having to go through the day like this. I can't do ANYTHING else.

yeah, i had the same thing with a guy i used to date, he wanted me to snap back into place like a rubberband after he hurt me but god forbig i made a mistake with him--it was like a never ending thing which isn't fair...
the guy i was with used to feed off of the fact that it would bother me like this seems to be bothering you so try and put it out of your head and take things for what it is and not make a huge thing out of it, just do what you have to do to get through the day and when you see him or he calls you just keep it simple, 'i was caught off guard by the 'hiding' it but don't need to know it, just felt it was a little odd--maybe i'm off base here but we need to just forgive each other and let it go and move on' if you try a non-provoking message like that USUALLY guys come around but don't let it get to you too much--it will def work out!!!