Can't stand FH or FH's mother~

FunBride Posted: Apr 02, 2005 02:28 PM

Can't stand FH or FH's mother~

Forget the money - it's not even about that - even though my parents are paying for the wedding and their lists are HUGE - it's about being selfish and feeling entitled. I feel ike my FH thinks he can invite anyone he wants and that's that. He won't change his mind. Even though he agreed to pay for some more people, my parents are really disgusted with him and his family as they are inviting the LEAST amount of people of everyone. Oy - I HATE PLANNING A WEDDING IT BRINGS OUT THE WORST IN EVERYONE!!!

Happybride2005 Posted: Apr 02, 2005 02:30 PM

Re: Can't stand FH or FH's mother~

is there a way to compromise. would they cut there list in half.

FunBride Posted: Apr 02, 2005 02:31 PM

Re: Can't stand FH or FH's mother~

Thank you for the hugs! I just feel like all FH and I do is fight about our guest list - it gets personal and intense and extremely heated. He is very stubborn and because he is very successful he thinks he can pay everything off with money. I wish there was a way to compromise - he really doesn't see why we have to. And now my parents are involved and think differently of him, oy!!!!

JPC1125 Posted: Apr 02, 2005 02:34 PM

Re: Can't stand FH or FH's mother~

Well i guess its too lat eto establish limits but have you sat down and talked to him?

And if he's offering to cover the expense of the extra guests, why the problem? Its his wedding day too- he should be able to invite who he would like there
maybe i just dont know the whole story though

FunBride Posted: Apr 02, 2005 02:39 PM

Re: Can't stand FH or FH's mother~

You're right, but when his side is inviting 62 more people than mine - that's a problem! My mom feels like she is planning and paying for a wedding for HIS side. She's somewhat right. My parents are inviting the least amount of people. I am just so upset - want nothing to do with this or him right now....

JPC1125 Posted: Apr 02, 2005 02:54 PM

Re: Can't stand FH or FH's mother~

...my fh's side is inviting 150 more people than my side but thats because they know more people....you cant make it and even stevens type of game! Especially since youve said it isnt about $

DMcK Posted: Apr 02, 2005 02:57 PM

Re: Can't stand FH or FH's mother~

Bunnymonkey Posted: Apr 02, 2005 03:10 PM

Re: Can't stand FH or FH's mother~

Are you communicating about this?

FunBride Posted: Apr 02, 2005 03:17 PM

Re: Can't stand FH or FH's mother~

When we try to talk about it, he says, 'I don't see why it is a problem. I've already told you I'll pay for the extra people.' He doesn't get that my parents resent that they are having the least amount of people there, nor that he is not really addressing my needs or concerns, either!

It can be really hard to talk to him, which is why I'm also concerned if we are going to make it.....

JPC1125 Posted: Apr 02, 2005 03:19 PM

Re: Can't stand FH or FH's mother~

thats horrible, but its very common that wedding stresses show you a new side to your significant other....i hope you can work it out and see that weddings are not a big deal!

FunBride Posted: Apr 02, 2005 03:31 PM

Re: Can't stand FH or FH's mother~

But right now anti-bride things are AWFUL b/w FH and I. I sometimes have dreams that I leave him. We're in pressure cooker now - how do we know marriage won't be like this? My parents think he and his family is selfisb!

lrs2005 Posted: Apr 02, 2005 03:45 PM

Re: Can't stand FH or FH's mother~

I am sorry that you are going through with this. It totallysux that you are stuck in the middle of this one.
My parents said the same thing about inviting DF's sides guests. They felt that DF's side could not be larger than their side. So they limited the number of people DF's parents and DF could invite. For my parents it was not about the money either - it was as my mom said - they are making the party for their friends/family to celebrate the fact that their daughter (me) was getting married. It was not for his family's benefit - it was for mine. I just don't see it that way. I guess when my mom started to tell people that the wedding was all about her and her needs that I realized there was nothing I could do but laugh. No matter how painful it was/is I know that I am marrying the man of my dreams and hearts desire and nothing that she or anyone else does really matters when it comes down to it. DF and I have the rest of our lives together and to me that is what matters the most. Sorry so long - you hit a cord.
ETS: I read your other post - and I realize that 50 people are a lot when you initially thought it would be 20 but i would look at who they are before panicking. Like if they are immediate family or friends then perhaps you could cut them some slack. If on the other hand it is a person they met like 5 minutes a go at the supermarket - then no.

JPC1125 Posted: Apr 02, 2005 04:27 PM

Re: Can't stand FH or FH's mother~

Posted by FunBride

But right now anti-bride things are AWFUL b/w FH and I. I sometimes have dreams that I leave him. We're in pressure cooker now - how do we know marriage won't be like this? My parents think he and his family is selfisb!

Well even though weddings are a once in a lifetime occasion , its not the only time youll ever face conflict or a high stress high emotion situation..... but marriage as well as weddings are about compromise....you have to work it out and i guess if you think you wont be able to and youre honestly having second thoughts (ones that arent just because you arent getting your way about the guest list) well then you need to find help.

alexlynn7 Posted: Apr 02, 2005 04:47 PM

Re: Can't stand FH or FH's mother~

Posted by FunBride
It can be really hard to talk to him, which is why I'm also concerned if we are going to make it.....

it sounds like you are seeing a new side of fh that you didn't know about earlier... and i think you're right to make inferences about his personality from the way he is approaching your wedding list issues. because just like this is a stressful time, there will be others, and if you feel badly about the way he is handling himself now, you are likely to feel bad later on in your marriage.

this seems serious and the issues clearly go beyond wedding planning. i would seriously consider addressing the situation with him in a general sense - not just in the context of this guest list issue, but in terms of your future together.