Career Advice? LONG

hmichick:
with regard to this one 'I ask myself what I am working for, if not to be a VP someday....', I also ask myself how to raise a daugher (if we have one) much further down the line. Should I stress education/career or family?

And anytime I lean towards giving up a career, I think of my parents, who brought me here to get an education and pretty much sacrificed their lives to make their children's lives better...

this is a very interesting thread...i am in the same boat as many of you...i work full time, am in the midst of pursuing a part-time MBA and recently married....if it was up to me, i would be a SAHM at least until my children were in school, but unfortunately, one income is not always enough, especially in NYC...

the good thing is that i work in life insurance (not sales) and i do make a very decent living (not as much as i could) but at least i knwo that when i've put in my hours, i can go home - no questions asked...i can also work part time or from home a few days a week if i had a baby....the downside is that my career will suffer as a result...but you cannot have both - something always suffers...that's just reality

i think it is crucial for a child to have a parent at home at least a few days a week....there is no substitute for that...but that doesnt mean having to give up your career....you can still keep active doing part time work in other fields or pursuing an education while you are at home with children...then when you re-enter the job market later on, it may be easier to 'sell' yourself....look into less aggressive industries like insurance, teaching, etc....that offer more flexibility..

i don't think it's right that women are pressuring themselves to be everything....a confident woman knows that even if she decides to stay home and raise her children, she is no less of a woman and she hasn't let anyone down....on the other hand, a woman who chooses to work and have a career can be equally admired....this is a very personal decsion that each woman needs to make for herself....

Good subject....I've noticed for a while now that most of the female top execs in my company are mostly single, with no children. I really do agree that you can't be that high in a career, with so much responsibility, and still balance a home and family life. Both just require too much time and energy to work. I've seen a few try, and for different reasons, one always gives out to the other.

It's funny, for me, the closer I got to my wedding date, the more I realized what was more important to me, and that's my family. Ever since I've come back from my HM, I've had a hard time adjusting, mainly because my priorities have changed so much. I've always known that my family was more important than any career options, but I surprised myself with how fast my priorities changed.

Luckily DH is in a great career, and has strong motivation! Hopefully, we won't have to rely on my salary in the future, since I already know I want to be a SAHM when I have my first child - at least for the first few years.

Teri, I know what you mean, I have felt that way since getting engaged. I look around at all the people I work with staying here until 10p, and all I want to do is go home to FH
I think I am also in a youth oriented industry, where many people come into a heavy work schedule right out of college and simply do not know anything else (I didnt). Then as you move up the ladder, and along in your personal life, women in my company seem to either have kids and stay home, or move up and have kids come in w. the nanny at 7p for mommy time (My old boss actually did this). Or they have no kids. Its crazy, I wonder where the balance is, and if I am really dedicated enough to this job to find it!

It makes me sad to see so many women who define having it ALL as having a career and a family, who then say that women cannot have it all. I think there needs to be a balance and that in any given field, there will be actual places of employment where it is possible to achieve that balance and some where it is not.

I am an attorneyand I love the firm that I am with. It is extremely family oriented and the male attorneys are forever leaving early to be at one of their kids' games, school event or play. It is a part of the culture of where I work. One of the partners actually brings his young son to the office sometimes if his wife's work schedule conflicts with picking him up from school in the afternoon. I would not think twice about staying here, having a family and knowing that I can be there for my kids when I need them. However, their are other firms that I would never be able to do that at and feel comfortable.

I think if having a career and a family is important to you, you should look around at the women who you work with. If you don't like what you see, try to find a place that is more in line with what you envision for your life. Everyone is different. I would never be a SAHM. I need to work as well.

My aunt is also an attorney and her two sons are in daycare. She and her husband (also an attorney) have one night each week that they work until about 9pm. On the other nights they are all home for dinner by 5:00ish. Their kids are super attached to them, despite being in daycare all day five days a week.

I also would not advice anyone to stay at home if what they really want to do is work. I can't imagine that a child is better off with a SAH parent who is miserable as opposed to a working parent who is happy.

I have been in the financial industry for 6 years and all the women I have met are exactly what you have described. Some worse then others. I had worked with one women whose husband was the owner of like 5 drug stores and was very well to do and they had a live in nanny that brought her son to the office everyday for an hour. But if we had someone stop by our desk for 5 minutes we got yelled at. Go Figure!

Then there was the single mom woman. No husband, no boyfriend, artificially inseminated. Nanny, top day cares, etc...

My former company, I had 2 senior women who were very successful and normal. One women just went through a terrible divorce, her kids are in school, her sister picks up the kids after school, they have a schedule of doing homework, dinner, reading, baths, bedtime.

The other woman her and her husband both work. he works 7 -2 and she works 8 - 5. Her parents take care of there 2 small children and they too are on a similiar schedule of dinner, baths, reading, bedtime.

So it is possible that senior women can have normal lives, but sometimes you meet those who are very career driven and they have Nannies.

I told FI when I become pregnant I'll work from home and we'll have our parents help out in watching the kids.

Alina-I have to say I totally know where you are coming from. I had a similar conversation with friends earlier in the week. It is such a shame that we have this to deal with. I feel I have worked so hard to get to where I am in my career and I know a child can but a dent in getting ahead. I will not be able to work the hours or put in the time I do now and still balance children. Sometimes when I say things like this or say I do not want to give up my career, I get upset because I feel like I am being selfish. It is something I have been struggling with for awhile. I would like to start having kids soon too (I am 30)! I am hoping I will eventually find a company that is a little more parenting-friendly. I hear they are out there but I hardly see people with jobs that are like that.

(PS It is not any better in technology! I was in the financial area and now a manager in IT). I see how my boss (VP of IT with 2 young children) and many of my friends struggle with it (I have close friends who have really good jobs in accounting and finance - CFO's even!)

But on the other side, I hear having your first baby changes everything...I hear your career and career goals become less important and you don't mind lowering them for your children. I think for me it is just hard to imagine that they will!

I am a VP and work in the banking industry. I do very well for myself and have no intention of being a stay home mom. Now that Matt and I are married we have discussed having someone stay home with the kids. That person will be him. We are both ok with that. I know a lot of women who have achieved high level positions and have a family and good marriages. Sometimes being in a high level position gives you a little more flexability with working from home. My company allows working moms to work from home a certain number of days a week. So it can be done.

You are asking yourself all the right questions. But remember more and more women are doing it and it makes me feel good to know that I couls be an example if we have a daughter some day that she can be anything she wants. My mom never worked so I grew up with a distorted thought of how it had to work.

I am bumping this old topic, b/c I am beginning to consider PT MBA at NYU, since according to their site, if you work you b*** off, you can finish in 2 years!!! Anyone know someone doing PT and a 2 year track?

If I were to apply for Sept '03 or Jan '04, I would be done by the age of 28 (I am 25 now, and would start closer to 26). And there would still be time to make 'babies'

I am considering paying them a visit, to check out the program, meet the students, etc.

I know that NYU has made a lot of changes to their mba program so that you can finish is 2 years. My DH was in the program and it took him 4 aggressive years to complete it and he is so jealous of the people in it now doing it in 2. A co-worker of mine is also applying to the program for what looks like the same time as you.

DH and I have a couple friends that are currently doing the 2-year program (Mostly males though) but some evn have infants. What I do hear from them is that the changes that NYU has made it a lot easy to want to go and complete it. If you have any specific questions you want me to ask them send me a FM.