Cash bar? Open bar?

Original post by Pencils

Apr 13, 2007 12:12 PM

If you go to a wedding on Long Island, do you expect an open bar?

I'm participating in a discussion over on Weddingbee about different expectations at weddings regarding alcohol. I know that in other areas of the country and in Canada, cash bars are common and no one blinks an eye. But here on Long Island (and in the greater NY area) they're uncommon, right? I've never been to a wedding with a cash bar that I can remember. What about you guys?

As of now, we're not having hard liquor at our Sunday afternoon wedding. Open bar is part of our package, but we found that bottled beer is extra, and the draft beer on offer at Timber Point is pretty dismal. I know that most of our guests are going to drink beer and wine. So we arranged to get in Sam Adams and Becks in bottles instead of the hard liquor. And if anyone really desperately wants a scotch or something, there's the golf pub on the other side of the buildng. It's a Sunday afternoon, though, who needs it? (However, we're wondering now if we're going to meet our minimum, and if we don't, we're going to get some extras thrown in, first of which will be to have the hard liquor back. Since we have to pay that set fee anyway)

Future Mrs. Posted: Apr 13, 2007 07:50 PM

Re: Cash bar? Open bar?

Cash Bar? I can't even imagine it. ANd certainly NOT on LI.
I have never been to one. I don't want to be a snob, but I would NEVER go to a wedding expecting to pay for anything other than my parking (for a city wedding).
Your guests deserve to be fed (which includes drinks) and treated graciously.

Future Mrs. Posted: Apr 13, 2007 07:51 PM

Re: Cash bar? Open bar?

SUGGESTION.....
If you can't afford the open bar, I think it would be really nice, and totally acceptable to have just wine.

Soon2beMrsH Posted: Apr 13, 2007 07:58 PM

Re: Cash bar? Open bar?

We are having an open bar.

bride52807 Posted: Apr 13, 2007 08:11 PM

Re: Cash bar? Open bar?

I dont mean to offend anyone, but I always expect an open bar. I never bring cash to weddings. I have been to one engagement party in the last year where it was not an open bar, instead they had pre-made drinks and wine/beer. I think that's OK. If you cant afford hard liquor or any liquor, I wouldnt serve it. But I would never expect guests to pay. Again, I am sorry if I offend anyone, but I just feel very strongly about this.

KRISTYRUSSELL Posted: Apr 13, 2007 08:23 PM

Re: Cash bar? Open bar?

Open bar for sure, but you do what you can and what you want and it depends on what you want to spend, the only time I have been to a wedding with a limited bar was in Tennessee....but any which way you do it, it will be just fine, hey its your wedding, so thats up to the both of you. But in NY, they do expect a lot, dont ask me why

drpepper318 Posted: Apr 13, 2007 08:30 PM

Re: Cash bar? Open bar?

I definitely always expect an open bar when I go to a wedding and I'd be pretty surprised if there wasn't one, especially where we live. I'm just so used to it. HOWEVER, that being said, if I went to a wedding and there wasn't an open bar, I wouldn't really care and it wouldn't particularly bother me because I'm not there to drink, and we're not particularly big drinkers anyway. If I went to a wedding outside of the NY metro area, I wouldn't expect an open bar, because I've heard they normally don't have them.

Pencils Posted: Apr 13, 2007 08:32 PM

Re: Cash bar? Open bar?

Posted by bride52807
I dont mean to offend anyone, but I always expect an open bar. I never bring cash to weddings. But I would never expect guests to pay. Again, I am sorry if I offend anyone, but I just feel very strongly about this.

I think some of you are misunderstanding me--I would never expect anyone to pay cash. If we couldn't afford drinks at all, we'd invite fewer people, or have the affair at a different location. That said, it's pretty bad manners if anyone showed up and got snotty because they couldn't have a specific mixed drink when there were other alcoholic options. You're a guest, you get what you're served, it's not a restaurant, it's a wedding. Do you expect pizza at a wedding because that's what you like? No, you eat what's on the menu. And if the bar is 'only' beer, wine, and a signature cocktail, anyone with decent manners will drink what is on offer. If you can't handle that, you have a problem, both with alcohol and with your attitude. Luckily, I know our guests, and none of them will have an issue.

Hisforever Posted: Apr 13, 2007 08:55 PM

Re: Cash bar? Open bar?

Open Bar!

ksl268 Posted: Apr 13, 2007 09:01 PM

Re: Cash bar? Open bar?

I would hope to find an open bar at any wedding.

Mrs_C_in_'07 Posted: Apr 13, 2007 09:02 PM

Re: Cash bar? Open bar?

If I go to a wedding on LI, I expect an open bar. Not because I'm 'expecting' anything, but more because I think that's just more common practice around here. However, out of state is a different story. I haven't been to many out of state weddings, but I was not shocked by the cash bar because I knew for there it was common practice.

On a side note (but related to this topic)......I do know someone who went to a LI wedding where there was a cash bar. Before he gave in his wedding gift envelope, he reopened it to take a chunk of his cash gift out. His logic.......if I have to pay for my own drinks, then the bride and groom get less of a gift!

I don't think I would ever do that but it is food for thought!

rkl1130 Posted: Apr 13, 2007 09:04 PM

Re: Cash bar? Open bar?

Posted by Mrs_C_in_'07

If I go to a wedding on LI, I expect an open bar. Not because I'm 'expecting' anything, but more because I think that's just more common practice around here. However, out of state is a different story. I haven't been to many out of state weddings, but I was not shocked by the cash bar because I knew for there it was common practice.

On a side note (but related to this topic)......I do know someone who went to a LI wedding where there was a cash bar. Before he gave in his wedding gift envelope, he reopened it to take a chunk of his cash gift out. His logic.......if I have to pay for my own drinks, then the bride and groom get less of a gift!

I don't think I would ever do that but it is food for thought!

You are right--in this area, open bar is expected.

So, when my cousin got married and she decided to have a dry wedding--only soda and water and juice and everything else, you have to shell out money for--plenty of people got pissed off. Not just because there was no open bar, but also because the whole entire family contributed to her wedding expenses and she didn't lift a finger. Plenty of people opened up their envelopes and re-thought their gifts.

CrazyLove Posted: Apr 13, 2007 09:26 PM

Re: Cash bar? Open bar?

OPEN BAR

Danacm80 Posted: Apr 14, 2007 12:15 AM

Re: Cash bar? Open bar?

I would say you MUST have an open bar at a Long Island wedding. An open bar that includes EVERYTHING!

BoxOfRocks Posted: Apr 14, 2007 12:47 AM

Re: Cash bar? Open bar?

I've been to weddings in the NYC area, the DC area, and in the south (well, Richmond, VA) and it's all been open bar.

If cost is a question, ask the site if it's OK for you to bring in your own alcohol that you buy at wholesale.

Or, you could cut down on costs by doing just a signature cocktail or beer/wine. You even do a dry wedding but spice it up by doing a coffee bar or something like that. At a corporate event, I've even seen a company that rented out a margarita machine, and you had the option of using tequila or not, and manning it yourself or not. (This was further down south. I'm sure there would be some company in NY that does it if you're interested.)

Maybe this makes me a stuck-up East Coaster, but I prefer not to pay cash bar. I'd rather go to a dry wedding without the non-alcoholic 'extras' I mentioned above.