Cheap Bridesmaids?

This has been bugging me for two weeks. I only have 2 maids of honor and 2 bridesmaids. One maid of honor is throwing the bachelorette and the other is throwing the shower. They have asked the other two bridesmaids for money for both parties. My bridesmaids have argued with them on the costs. They are not being asked for more then $300 to $350 total for both. I know it’s a lot if you don’t have money but there is a twist. One of the bridesmaid just bought new shoes, and a new dress for other weddings she has to go to and the other spends money on going out in the city at least twice a week.

I am embarrassed and I am starting to hear it from my mom and maids of honor. These are two of my best friends and they are really strapped for money, so I understand their situation.

Should I say anything? Its really hard to watch them spend money and not say something.

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Posted by bodslk

They are not being asked for more then $300 to $350 total for both. I know it’s a lot if you don’t have money but there is a twist. One of the bridesmaid just bought new shoes, and a new dress for other weddings she has to go to and the other spends money on going out in the city at least twice a week.

Its really hard to watch them spend money and not say something.

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Ultimately, it is their money. They may want to be a part of your day, but that doesn't mean that they want to spend ALL their disposable income on your day. $300-350 is alot to expect them to spend. Maybe look into lower cost options? But it isn't up to you to say how they should spend the rest of their money.

I have a friend who is dealing with the same issue.
Agreeing to foot the bill for a shower is one thing for a MOH to do, but asking others to pay for it is another unless the girls all discussed it from the start.
Can they find another place in order to keep the cost down maybe?
Not everyone realizes how much of a financial responsibility your taking on when you agree to be in a wedding!

It's not fair for you to be in the middle of it though. i understand you being upset, but it's alot to ask for someone to cough up a few hundred dollars for a shower, then for a dress, a gift at the shower and another check for you on the day of the wedding. It adds up quickly...

i have to agree. it's not assumed as a bridesmaid that you have to pay for the shower. and for the bachelorette party every person that's going should be paying, not just the bridesmaids. BMs pay ALOT for their share of the wedding and we dont realize it.

i agree with the pp. let your MOHs see if there are other options.

sorry this is happening. i know its frustrating.

Honestly I think $300 - $350 is alot to ask them for, maybe you could ask your MOHs to scale down the party ideas?

I agree also that $300-$350 is ALOT to ask for from a bridesmaid. I would never expect or ask any of mine for that much money and I hope my MOH wouldn't either. I think they should look into some cheaper options for the shower and bachelorette parties.
My bridesmaids have already footed the bill for their dresses and their shoes and then possibly hair and makeup and then shower and wedding gifts. In my opinion that is already alot for someone to pay to be in my wedding. I am just honored that my friends agreed to be a part of my beautiful day and that is all that matters to me.

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Posted by Nina_m74

Honestly I think $300 - $350 is alot to ask them for, maybe you could ask your MOHs to scale down the party ideas?

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ITA that is a lot especially if they really don't have it like that. Dress, shoes, accessories, hair, makeup, gifts, shower, bachelorette party, etc it adds up.

When I read the $300-350, my expression was because I do think that is alot of money to ask from them. Personally, I dont have that kind of $$ to be spending on someone else wedding. You should be understanding of their situation....

And yes ultimately, it is their money... You cannot say how they should be spending it...

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Posted by faithandkevin

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Posted by bodslk

They are not being asked for more then $300 to $350 total for both. I know it’s a lot if you don’t have money but there is a twist. One of the bridesmaid just bought new shoes, and a new dress for other weddings she has to go to and the other spends money on going out in the city at least twice a week.

Its really hard to watch them spend money and not say something.

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Ultimately, it is their money. They may want to be a part of your day, but that doesn't mean that they want to spend ALL their disposable income on your day. $300-350 is alot to expect them to spend. Maybe look into lower cost options? But it isn't up to you to say how they should spend the rest of their money.

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ITA - Paying for the shower and paying for everyone to attend the bach party shouldn't be expected of bridesmaids. Yes, they want to be a part of your day, but that does NOT mean they should have to curb their lifestyle so they can spend over $300 to be part of it... add to that gifts, their dresses, shoes, hair, makeup, etc. and it all adds up. I have a BM who is in 4 weddings this year - I felt bad enough that she had to pay for her dress! I wouldn't expect her to be laying out that kind of money for my shower, etc.

My mother paid for my shower and I know my MOH did the favors... but none of the BMs were asked to chip in.

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Posted by jtgarsik

i had a one BM in the same situation (was asked for the $$$, avoided giving it, but went out 4times a week to party), and another friend who really was a 'starving college student' and didn't have much. My mom told them from the day they booked the shower (over 6months in advance) that they all needed to give $250 towards it...and while there were a few that took forever, my MOH stayed on top of them, and in the end (and i mean the END(the week before the shower lol)), they all gave what they were supposed to...with the exception of my one friend who was in college & didn't have much family, my mom only took half i think (but shhh-noone can know lol) ANYWAYS, in the end they did what they were supposed to. To me, when you accept to be in a bridal party, it also comes with duties...the shower & the bachlorette party being two of the main things. They're mindset is different than yours because they're at a different point in their life right now(where partying and buying shoes are regular expenses lol!)...in the end they'll understand and do what their supposed to, and when it's their day - they'll finally get it. As for cutting down the costs - from what u've written u only have 4 BM's altogether (including MOH) so i think that'll be tough....just tell ur MOH to stay on top of them. I've heard more rediculous costs...heck - my one friend who's getting married in august had the BM's shell out just under $500 just for their dress & accesories that SHE wanted! so dont beat urself up!

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I totally agree!!!!!

Being both a bride and a BM at the same time right now, I side with the BMs. My friend's wedding that I am currently in is costing me an arm and a leg - to the point where I feel like I am making sacrifices in my own wedding to be part of someone else's. I do not think that is fair. Of course, that is not to mention that FH and I are trying to save for a house, etc.

My mom is paying for my shower b/c we don't think it's fair to make my friends do it. For the same reasons, I did not have an engagement party. I realize I am being a little extreme lol, but I feel very strongly about this; I really think it is wrong to expect other people to repeatedly shell out money/gifts for all this wedding stuff. We are all 25 years old and trying to pull our lives and careers together. Honestly, I feel bad even making my BM's pay for their dresses and travel expenses, plus a wedding gift. And my BMs are not 'poor' by any stretch - but they have their own lives, bills, student loans, etc. And if they choose to spend their money on going out rather than my wedding - well then that *****, but it is their money and theirs to do what they want with!

(Hope that didn't offend anyone - I am just a little heated right now over the wedding that I am in )

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Posted by sparkle

Being both a bride and a BM at the same time right now, I side with the BMs. My friend's wedding that I am currently in is costing me an arm and a leg - to the point where I feel like I am making sacrifices in my own wedding to be part of someone else's. I do not think that is fair. Of course, that is not to mention that FH and I are trying to save for a house, etc.

My mom is paying for my shower b/c we don't think it's fair to make my friends do it. For the same reasons, I did not have an engagement party. I realize I am being a little extreme lol, but I feel very strongly about this; I really think it is wrong to expect other people to repeatedly shell out money/gifts for all this wedding stuff. We are all 25 years old and trying to pull our lives and careers together. Honestly, I feel bad even making my BM's pay for their dresses and travel expenses, plus a wedding gift. And my BMs are not 'poor' by any stretch - but they have their own lives, bills, student loans, etc. And if they choose to spend their money on going out rather than my wedding - well then that *****, but it is their money and theirs to do what they want with!

(Hope that didn't offend anyone - I am just a little heated right now over the wedding that I am in )

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I totally agree with ya on this one!! No one should be offended.. it's just your opinion

First of all you shouldn't be involved in this. They should have kept this to themselves, so I'm sorry you have to deal with this.

Second, you can't tell them how to spend their money.

Third, if you're mom is getting involved maybe she should help out. Just a suggestion.

I have to agree with the others... $300 is A LOT of money to ask them for on top of paying for their dress, shoes, jewelry, hair, make-up and then getting you a wedding present...that probably comes out close to close to $1000 all together for your wedding.

If one wants to go out a few times a week, fine, because its her money that she works for. And the other one buying a dress and shoes for a wedding? Well isn't that kind of standard procedure, you don't want to go looking like bum.

I just think its kind of selfish to expect them to put their extra money towards your parties...sorry, jmo.