Cheap Bridesmaids?

$300-$350 is a lot of money, when you consider that they also probably have to buy the dress, shoes and other stuff for the wedding, as well as a shower gift and a wedding present. Being in a bridal party can really add up. It's a bit much for you to look at their finances and try to decide what they're 'allowed' to spend. Is your one bridesmaid supposed to wear her bridesmaid dress to the other weddings she's going to this summer? And the one who is going into Manhattan--it's her money, just because she's your bridesmaid it's not up to you to tell her how to spend it., when she's already having to spend quite a bit on your wedding. Being in your wedding shouldn't mean that she has to give up her lifestyle.

If your MOH can't afford the parties they want to throw, then they should figure out how to cut back, or get the money from somewhere else.

I'm sorry to be harsh, but I hear so many things on this board about bridal parties that I just can't believe. These people are your friends, not your servants or an ATM.

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Posted by aimes1313

I think I'm in the minority here, but I think the shower IS the responsibility of the MOH and BMs. That's how it was in every wedding I've participated in. It was expected that the BMs chip in for the shower, and I did, usually $150-200. However, I also got a say in where the shower would be and the overall cost. I don't know if your BM's did. The bachlorette party should be split with everyone attending, not just the BM's.

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agreed! i know i already commented - but this is pretty much what i said to

Take it from a bride on a budget - and a really small one at that - very nice parties CAN be done on much less then $300 to $350 per person.

That being said, it should absolutely NOT be brought to your attention that your BM's are not cooperating, whatever they decide. I told my wedding party people I don't want to know anything. I think Brides have enough to deal with, we should not be bothered with showers and such too!

First and foremost, your two MOHs should not have brought you into this at all, but since they did . . . . $300-$350 is WAY too much $$$ to be asking.

Think about it this way:

Dress: at a miminum $100 (more likely in the neighborhood of $150-$200)

Shoes: at a minimum $40

Hair: unless you the bride are paying, again, another $100 expense

Makeup: ditto

That is already a minimum of $340. That is without accessories for the dress like small purse, shawl, jewelry (which you may or not be getting them as a gift). It is also without any necessary hotel and/or travel accommodations any of the girls might have to make (or travel back home after the reception).

Then there is your wedding gift. Everyone has different opinions, but figure even on the less expensive side another $200 (more likely more than that), and a shower gift in the ballpark of $50-$100. So now each girl is up to $600 at a minimum and you think it's OK to ask them to shell out an additional $300 to bring the grand total up to a minimum of $1000???????

Sorry, but your BMs have the right to spend money on things of their choosing . . . not that of the MOHs, and I bet both the shower & b-party could be done for less $$$$$.

Yes, they do. And part of being an adult is planning a party that everyone can afford, not planning whatever you want and expecting others to foot the bill. The MOHs should never have planned such an expensive party without making sure the bill would be covered. And, not all bridesmaids understand they are going to be expected to cough up so much money. Maybe they've never done it before, or maybe they've been in weddings where the bride or the rest of the bridal party didn't expect that much of them. Or maybe they thought, 'she knows I'm in school, so she can't expect that much...' The price of everything associated with weddings has escalated ridiculously in the last few years. Just because we, as brides, have been immersed in this stuff don't think that everyone else out there knows what's expected or what everything costs.

Adults don't put friends in a bad situation like this--when those women agreed to be bridesmaids, I'm sure there wasn't a price list included in the card. If there was, I bet brides would get a lot more polite refusals.

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Posted by Danacm80
And people need to be adults...

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Posted by Danacm80
And people need to be adults... a lot of us spend 2 yrs engaged so people have plenty of time to put money aside for this stuff.

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It's very hard for young people on Long Island as it is. To expect someone to save all their extra money for YOUR day, then say they aren't an adult if they don't make sacrifices for YOUR day, is ridiculous. No matter how I envision my day, I would never want my BM's to have to scrimp and save, and put their hard earned money aside for me. I'd insist that they chose affordable options. It's immature to expect them to go broke for you.

Thank you, I completely had the same feeling you all are expressing here until I spoke to my mom and my 2 MOH’s. They made me feel like my other two BM’s were supposed to help.

Its seems to have calmed down since I posted. My one MOH has decided my wedding gift is paying for the bachelorette, and I think the my other MOH is doing the same thing for the shower. I wish I had known what they were going to spend on the shower, I would have tried lower cost options. I would have been happy with Friendly’s !

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Posted by bodslk

Thank you, I completely had the same feeling you all are expressing here until I spoke to my mom and my 2 MOH’s. They made me feel like my other two BM’s were supposed to help.

Its seems to have calmed down since I posted. My one MOH has decided my wedding gift is paying for the bachelorette, and I think the my other MOH is doing the same thing for the shower. I wish I had known what they were going to spend on the shower, I would have tried lower cost options. I would have been happy with Friendly’s !

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I'm glad to hear that it's getting sorted out, I am sorry that you had to deal with the stress!. I totally hear you on the Friendly's thing - i love ice cream...

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Ultimately, it is their money. They may want to be a part of your day, but that doesn't mean that they want to spend ALL their disposable income on your day. $300-350 is alot to expect them to spend. Maybe look into lower cost options? But it isn't up to you to say how they should spend the rest of their money.

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i agree.. although i totally feel like it's insulting for them not to spend their money on you.. you just have to understand that everyones priorities are different

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Posted by erdbeere

I have to agree with the others... $300 is A LOT of money to ask them for on top of paying for their dress, shoes, jewelry, hair, make-up and then getting you a wedding present...that probably comes out close to close to $1000 all together for your wedding.

If one wants to go out a few times a week, fine, because its her money that she works for. And the other one buying a dress and shoes for a wedding? Well isn't that kind of standard procedure, you don't want to go looking like bum.

I just think its kind of selfish to expect them to put their extra money towards your parties...sorry, jmo.

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You said exactly what I was thinking!