cheating?

i read something interesting in glamour about definitions of cheating - what would you consider cheating in your relationship?

people included watching porn cheating, seeing strippers, email relationships, kissing, flirting, etc.

Any behavior you hide from your partner.

If you feel guilty enough to hide it, you shouldn't be doing it.

Flirting – as in playful banter – no problem. Flirting as in “baby you have the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen”… Not Good.

I guess the defining part is something along the lines of behavior that may imply that a relationship is a possibility at some point.

My ex had a penchant for ‘cybersex’ with strangers. That was cheating to me. No – he never TOUCHED the girls – but it was a violation on a whole different level. I am also not a fan of couples who have ‘best friends’ that they are intimate with on a deep emotional level. My girlfriend had a male friend that she would talk to about life and love and things that she never spoke to her DH about. The friend’s wife left him because she felt that the friendship was far too intense and the emotional intimacy was crowding her marriage. She turned out to be right. My friend left her husband and wound up marrying her friend. I have friends outside our relationship. I ***** about his annoying habit of leaving dirty bowls on the COUNTER instead of putting them in the dishwasher with my best friend. I chat about who is banging who in Hollywood with his sister. I talk to my friends about hockey, family, vacations, sales – whatever. But make no mistake – FH IS my best friend and I am his. There is nothing that I share with anyone else that I would not share first and foremost with him. If the day came that I found he felt more comfortable with someone else than with me – I think that might hurt me more deeply than him kissing some girl in a nightclub (although the latter might be punishable by extreme measures as well.).

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Posted by brooklynbridezilla

Any behavior you hide from your partner.

If you feel guilty enough to hide it, you shouldn't be doing it.

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I agree with this. If you're doing something and you think it might be wrong, then it most likely is.

cheating is: kissing (making out) or effing another person

Everything else means nothing.

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Posted by ChrissynRicky

cheating is: kissing (making out) or effing another person

Everything else means nothing.

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i have to agree with this. i think if DH had a computer affair with someone - i would be hurt - but i dont think i would label it cheating. i would probably label him a perv or a looney before a cheat.

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Posted by mtdr1106

i read something interesting in glamour about definitions of cheating - what would you consider cheating in your relationship?

people included watching porn cheating, seeing strippers, email relationships, kissing, flirting, etc.

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Cheating: Kissing/Sex
Email Relationship - perhaps depending on the content and if it is raunchy

Strippers/Porn - no. Unless he has sex with the stripper

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Posted by mtdr1106

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Posted by ChrissynRicky

cheating is: kissing (making out) or effing another person

Everything else means nothing.

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i have to agree with this. i think if DH had a computer affair with someone - i would be hurt - but i dont think i would label it cheating. i would probably label him a perv or a looney before a cheat.

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Agreed. Definitely call him a perv first.

cheating = sex

cbeating= putting yourself in a position to want to swap out your spouse for someone else, and the potential is there (not dreaming about Pam Anderson, but about the deli counter guy).

cheating = a bad idea

ETS: I agree with Rojeronnonoonnoo...a one time physical thing isn't as heinous to me as a developing emotional relationship.

maybe it's because I am far freer with my lips than I am with my heart. Physical things are transient....emotions stick with you, and have the ability to change the way you look at your life.

I haven't met a set of lips that have done that for me yet

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Posted by brooklynbridezilla

Any behavior you hide from your partner.

If you feel guilty enough to hide it, you shouldn't be doing it.

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Agreed.

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Posted by brooklynbridezilla

Any behavior you hide from your partner.

If you feel guilty enough to hide it, you shouldn't be doing it.

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same here. if DH went to dinner with some other chick who is a 'friend' and didn't tell me....i'd be suspect.

i'm pretty open though--he's got plenty of female friends he hangs with....i trust him. cause he knows that if he cheated i'd lorena bobbitt his azz

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Posted by cindyandkevin

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Posted by brooklynbridezilla

Any behavior you hide from your partner.

If you feel guilty enough to hide it, you shouldn't be doing it.

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I agree with this. If you're doing something and you think it might be wrong, then it most likely is.

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absatively posolutely...

I'm leaning more towards your definitions

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Posted by rojerono

Flirting – as in playful banter – no problem. Flirting as in “baby you have the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen”… Not Good.

I guess the defining part is something along the lines of behavior that may imply that a relationship is a possibility at some point.

My ex had a penchant for ‘cybersex’ with strangers. That was cheating to me. No – he never TOUCHED the girls – but it was a violation on a whole different level. I am also not a fan of couples who have ‘best friends’ that they are intimate with on a deep emotional level. My girlfriend had a male friend that she would talk to about life and love and things that she never spoke to her DH about. The friend’s wife left him because she felt that the friendship was far too intense and the emotional intimacy was crowding her marriage. She turned out to be right. My friend left her husband and wound up marrying her friend. I have friends outside our relationship. I ***** about his annoying habit of leaving dirty bowls on the COUNTER instead of putting them in the dishwasher with my best friend. I chat about who is banging who in Hollywood with his sister. I talk to my friends about hockey, family, vacations, sales – whatever. But make no mistake – FH IS my best friend and I am his. There is nothing that I share with anyone else that I would not share first and foremost with him. If the day came that I found he felt more comfortable with someone else than with me – I think that might hurt me more deeply than him kissing some girl in a nightclub (although the latter might be punishable by extreme measures as well.).

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Posted by brooklynbridezilla
Any behavior you hide from your partner.

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THIS I totally agree with....

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Posted by brooklynbridezilla
If you feel guilty enough to hide it, you shouldn't be doing it.

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This I don't know - I honestly don't think people with a cheating problem even really feel guilty about it - they hide it to not get caught to not have to give it up, but I really don't think they feel guilty about it.

I may be the odd ball here (as usual!!!) but I consider a 'hidden' relationship with another woman 'cheating'. I call it 'mental' cheating. There is flirting and flirting. When done in a social setting, friends around, etc.. this is different than your SO calling someone or being by himself and having an intimate conversation/flirting session especially when you are not aware of the dynamic of that relationship. I would feel betrayed if my husband did that.

DH has female friends he has known before me. I give him his space and privacy on the phone. I have male friends. When you are honest in your relationship with your SO, there is nothing to worry or hide.

BUT we both agreed that while we don't check each other emails, mail, anything on our personal name, etc...we should not have a problem showing them if asked. We should not have anything to hide. If we do, we don't think it's healthy. DH does not check my posts on LIW or my emails. But if asked, I should not be ashamed of who I talk to or say.

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Posted by sr081906
When you are honest in your relationship with your SO, there is nothing to worry or hide.

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Very well said. Each couple may have it's own level of what is 'ok' or not...but if you feel the need to be dishonest or hide things, obviously you know that what you are doing is not 'ok' within your relationship. Also, you obviously have that level of emotional intimacy with your husband, still..if everyone is being honest and trusting..IMO, that would be one of the first things to go, in order for these situations to even happen in the first place.

i think it depends on the person and the relationship. with BF before FH, i knew he had a avid porn appetite, maybe cybersex and probably flirted alot. i never thought he could cheat on me 'physically'. i didnt like his habits, but i knew he had them and i accepted his honesty to move past it.

if i caught my FH with these things, it would be SOOO out of character for him. he says he is very against all these things and would never look at porn or cyber ever(hard to believe, right, lol). if i caught him, i wouldnt be mad like he was 'cheating' but i would be mad that he lied about who he was and his values as a person. Lying about that is unacceptable to me. how could i marry someone who lied to me about who they are?