Children at the Wedding?????????

Original post by cole

Dec 16, 2004 07:53 PM

Hello,
I need some advice...
I have 35 cousins, all mixed ages ranging from 1-18. Am I required to have to invite all of them to my wedding? Me and FH are paying for the wedding ourselves, and it is a saturday night wedding. I have about 225 guest without kids! My brother is giving me grief about how his daughter ( my niece who is 4 years old ) has to be invited! I think it has to be all or nothing. any suggestions on how to handle this? has anyone else run into this problem.
If i set an age limit, I will be breaking up families, since some of my aunts have 2 kids over 13 and 2 more under! Then we have the second cousins that will feel left out!
HELP!!!

LFitzy79 Posted: Dec 17, 2004 09:16 AM

Re: Children at the Wedding?????????

I think it's fine to have children under 10 attend the ceremony, but when it comes to the formal reception, that is no place for little kids...for a couple of reasons..
1. they can't make it thru the whole night, they will be falling apart, and their parents will have to leave early.
2. if they are left unattended (which is more than likely at a huge affair), they may run wild, accross the dance floor, etc....people could be tripping on them, in a crowd of 225 they could get lost, they could annoy some one else at the affair....

I have a similiar issue in my family, I have a large group of cousins, some of whom have thier own children-who range in ages from 4-13....I made the cut off 10 years old, I was lukcy and my cousins were in agreement, that the younger ones were just that--too young.
I also had the added question of the ocean, the last thing that I wanted was a bunch of kids running away from their parents towards the ocean.....
I don't know where your wedding is, but please remember that it's Your wedding....tell your cousin in no uncertain terms that a saturday evening affair is NO place for a 4 year old, she is welcome to come to the ceremony, and they can have someone pick her up before the CH......

lilacwine Posted: Dec 17, 2004 09:26 AM

Re: Children at the Wedding?????????

Just say no to all of them. Breaking up families will lead to hurt feelings and 'No kids at the wedding' has been my mantra since FH gave me the ring.

That said, even I have to make a few exceptions for my first cousins (ages 13, 11 and 9) who will be travelling cross-country with their parents.

One of the last weddings I went to was overrun by kids -- and that's where all the attention was, instead of being on the bride and groom.

leighdvm Posted: Dec 17, 2004 09:55 AM

Re: Children at the Wedding?????????

FH and I were FIRM that we did not want children at our wedding. It's a formal event, and we did not want children running around. We have an age limit of 16 and over. HOWEVER, FH's brother has two children, one is 16 and the other is 11. How can we say your one child can go and not the other? So, we are letting his brother bring both kids. BUT, that now means that I have to have MY brother's kids, who are 8 and 6. And I swear to god, the 6 year old is DAMIAN!!!!!!! I am pissed off that it has to be this way, but I don't want FH's brother fighting with us and to me, I'll make the allowance just to keep the darned peace.

CubanBride Posted: Dec 17, 2004 09:57 AM

Re: Children at the Wedding?????????

We are having the whole family at the wedding, including kids. They are part of the family and felt they should not be excluded because they are young.

Thumballina Posted: Dec 17, 2004 10:26 AM

Re: Children at the Wedding?????????

We're in the process of making a guest list...FH's side has the same problem as you - lots of kids under the age of 16 - all his cousins children. I only have three so its not that bad, but we can't invite my cousins and not his so we decided not to invite any. The parents have to understand that we're paying for everything ourselves and if we could invite everyone we would. It's not that we don't want them there...it's just that there will be too many of them (45 in all) that ADDS up fast when it comes to paying for them...if anyone has a problem...TOUGH - it's our wedding..let them whine all they want

Janice Posted: Dec 17, 2004 10:36 AM

Re: Children at the Wedding?????????

I invited cousins who were over the age of 18, no one else. I have so many little cousins, 48 of my own, and 32 in DH's family, that I did not want it turning into a sweet 16, and preteens requesting songs from the dj, I did not want to worry about what 15 yr old is sneaking drinks. It is a lot of money too, it was sad because I left out 3 cousins who I am super close with, but it is all or nothing.

dpli Posted: Dec 17, 2004 11:12 AM

Re: Children at the Wedding?????????

I just wanted to chime in with a couple of comments. I think there is a big difference between inviting your niece and inviting your cousins, and I think it is fine to invite nieces and nephews without inviting every child in the extended family.

The only young children we invited were nieces and nephews, so it wasn't a huge number of kids, and we left it up to the parents whether they would bring them or not. Two of my siblings really wanted to bring the kids, the other was on the fence, because they wanted to relax and enjoy themselves, rather than watch the child all night. They all ended up coming. We did word our response card 'adult reception to follow' so that other people would not assume their children were invited. Obviously, people have different opinions on this- you guys need to figure out who is important to invite and who is not.

Honestly, you are so busy at your own wedding talking, dancing and taking photos that you will not be babysitting any kids! The girls wanted to dance with me a lot, and one of them was running all over the place, but I barely noticed with everything else going on- I heard about the details only after the wedding.

12-3Princess Posted: Dec 17, 2004 11:15 AM

Re: Children at the Wedding?????????

i say tough. it's our wedding. I have about 75 young cousins and I do not want 75 children running around at our wedding!

David'sbride Posted: Dec 17, 2004 11:37 AM

Re: Children at the Wedding?????????

I feel very strongly about this.... NO. Especially pre-teens and younger.

Just keep in mind that if you can afford to do that your wedding will have an entirely different atmosphere about it, especially if it is evening. Kids get restless and bored at weddings, especially in this day and age, most can't sit in the back seatr of a car w/o tv. If you chose to go this route I would suggest hiring babysitters, getting videos and putting them in another room or hotel room.

I was in the same boat (one of my cousins has eight kids) and EVERYONE I spoke to agreed with me. MY aunt who has attended a lot of weddings said to me she has never attended one where a child was not in the bridal party. With 91 people invited, there were 51 kids just under the age of 12.... NO WAY. MY wedding isn't a birthday party... JMHO. Please don't flame me. Also to pay full price for 51 kids dinners... NOPE... that's a new bathroom for the house.

hmm8191 Posted: Dec 17, 2004 01:01 PM

Re: Children at the Wedding?????????

I think it depends on your relationship with the person. I think your neice should be included but not necessarily a cousin. We have 3 small children coming, all who we are very close with. It would have been my preference to have none but that was not a possibility. Whatever you decide stick to your guns are prepare for a war!!

Marisa M Posted: Dec 17, 2004 01:06 PM

Re: Children at the Wedding?????????

I don't think kids that young belong at a Saturday evening affair. JMO.
We won't be having kids. W/ the exception of one of his first cousins who also happens to be his godson (13 years old)

no stress bride Posted: Dec 17, 2004 02:26 PM

Re: Children at the Wedding?????????

I put my foot down right in the begining and everyone was told NO KIDS!! Trust me it worked out great and everyone had a great time!!! Just put your foot down they will get over it!!!

Denise

tinkerwdw Posted: Dec 17, 2004 11:11 PM

Re: Children at the Wedding?????????

I also have a lot of cousins with young children like you. We are having an adult reception with the exception of the bridal party. I would say only allow children of immediate family (say your brother) and leave out the rest. I think in this day and age people hopefully realize how much weddings cost and how you need to draw the line somewhere. Just my opinion

I am also feeling a little bad because I have some relatives coming from out of state, and I would like to make exceptions for them, but then I would be opening a whole other bag of worms. sigh

buckles Posted: Dec 17, 2004 11:23 PM

Re: Children at the Wedding?????????

We are simply putting 'Adult reception to follow' on the invites...We don't want any children due to many factors but the biggest being that we simply want it that way. It is our day and we don't want a bunch of kids (we have bunches of children on both sides) monolpolizing the hall. Also we are getting married on the beach and I don't want to have to be concerned about children wandering out to the water! Just remember it is your day...If you would prefer no kids than so be it..