Children At The Wedding Drama

We decided that the only children at our wedding was going to be the children that are in the wedding party and their siblings, any bridal party member who has children and needs to bring them and anyone who is traveling from out of state. Well apparently FH’s cousin found out that some children are coming to the wedding (she was told the why certain children were coming) and called FMIL and threaten her and said that she is appalled that her children were not invited (they are 7 & 9 and probably have no idea who we are) and if they can’t come they will not come. By the way, they live on Long Island and already responded YES for her and her husband.

Ugh! What the hell is wrong with people!!!!

I have people not coming to my wedding because of their children and that is their choice.

I would nicely say that you made this decision a while ago and you are sorry you can not accomodate their request. And that you hope they can still come.

If they come, they come. That's my philosophy!

I agree 100% with what was said above.

If you bend the rules for her, how can you say then no to anyone else? If she already responded yes before trying to threaten your FMIL then she wasn't counting on bringing her kids anyway. Sounds like she is used to people giving in to her!
It's not like extra people are cheap at weddings!

I find it's always easier to make an across the board cut 'No children beyond those of first cousins' rather than the complicated system you have going. I'm not saying you're unjustified, but there's so much going on, and the children being invited and not being invited are not being invited basaed on clsoeness to you necessarily, but OOT, BP, etc. I think a lot of people won't understand that. Is there a way you can make a sort of across the baord closeness cut without changing the # of kids too much? Maybe you don't care you offend, but people WILL be offended, mostly because they won't really understand why their kids were not invited.

At out wedding, we're inviting nieces and nephews and children of first cousins and that's it, so the people whose kids weren't invited will hopefully see that their kids are not as close to us as the kids who were invited.

I love that these people think threats of them not coming will move you to change your mind...who do they think they are!

I don't think you need to explain or justify your reasoning to anyone. I have basically the same system- I've told my friends with kids that they need to get a babysitter, and they were all HAPPY to do so. my MOH told a few people on fh's side through word of mouth...those that didn't or couldn't find a babysitter respectfully declined...

people need to get a grip- no one should be that easily offended.

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Posted by LaurenluvsTJ

Oh well. Tell them not to come then.

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I agree 100% I never really understand why people would want their kids there!!! A wedding is no place for children to be running around. JMHO.

I don't think we have a Complicated System. It's pretty cut and dry either the children are in the wedding party or their parents are in the wedding party or they come from out of state. I really don't think I need to justify to her Why her kids are not invited.

The point is that she is threating us which I feel is totaly out of line and unacceptable.

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Posted by marymoon

I find it's always easier to make an across the board cut 'No children beyond those of first cousins' rather than the complicated system you have going. I'm not saying you're unjustified, but there's so much going on, and the children being invited and not being invited are not being invited basaed on clsoeness to you necessarily, but OOT, BP, etc. I think a lot of people won't understand that. Is there a way you can make a sort of across the baord closeness cut without changing the # of kids too much? Maybe you don't care you offend, but people WILL be offended, mostly because they won't really understand why their kids were not invited.

At out wedding, we're inviting nieces and nephews and children of first cousins and that's it, so the people whose kids weren't invited will hopefully see that their kids are not as close to us as the kids who were invited.

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I think telling people from OOT that they cannot bring their kids is difficult. What are they supposed to do? If only because of baby sitters. Especially if they come for several days. It's also OK to have children of people who are also helping you on your wedding day. They may be out of their house for a lot of hours. I am asking a lot from my MOH. I think not accepting children from local guests who are just showing for the ceremony and 'Fun' is OK and justified. After all, it's just for a few hours for them.

In the end, you will offend some people. You cannot be please everybody. It's not fair to try to accomodate every little wish people want. There are always so high maintenance people who think it's all about them.

What's next.... she wants to be in the BP pictures too with your photographer?

People have a lot of nerve.

Are you by any chance inviting kids who are first cousins of those kids that aren't being invited? Just questioning because that can get a little dicey.

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Posted by leese

I have people not coming to my wedding because of their children and that is their choice.

I would nicely say that you made this decision a while ago and you are sorry you can not accomodate their request. And that you hope they can still come.

If they come, they come. That's my philosophy!

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I agree whole heartedly with this!!

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Posted by leese

I have people not coming to my wedding because of their children and that is their choice.

I would nicely say that you made this decision a while ago and you are sorry you can not accomodate their request. And that you hope they can still come.

If they come, they come. That's my philosophy!

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I totally agree as well. We are only having the immediate children in the family there, our nieces and nephews, and two are in the BP. For someone to threaten that they won't come is just ridiculous. I would simply say, 'I'm sorry you won't be able to make it.' It may be a bit b*tchy but they are just being plain silly with that.

My viewpoint - anyone who threatens to stay home can do just that - stay home.

My aunt said my cousin won't come if I don't invite him with a guest. He can stay home. I would rather that, than pay for a 'pro' to eat at my wedding the way my sister did.

I'm at the point w/ all of people's drama that if you do'nt want to come please don't!!!! You'll be saving me more money!!!!

Your decision not Fcousin in law or FMIL!!!!

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Posted by leese

I have people not coming to my wedding because of their children and that is their choice.

I would nicely say that you made this decision a while ago and you are sorry you can not accomodate their request. And that you hope they can still come.

If they come, they come. That's my philosophy!

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Put perfectly!!! We are only allowing the children in the bridal party, so there are people not coming to our wedding b/c of the kid situation. And our philosophy is the same as above, if they come great, if not, that is their decision.

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Posted by leese

I have people not coming to my wedding because of their children and that is their choice.

I would nicely say that you made this decision a while ago and you are sorry you can not accomodate their request. And that you hope they can still come.

If they come, they come. That's my philosophy!

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I agree 100%!!!

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Posted by October Bliss

My viewpoint - anyone who threatens to stay home can do just that - stay home.

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Totally agree - we have a few of those and told them to stay home. We do not need that kind of negative energy around us. What kind of person does that Let me bring who I want to YOUR wedding or I won't come