Close friend, her horrible boyfriend and invites help!
kat124
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Close friend, her horrible boyfriend and invites help!
So I have been friends with this girl on and off since high school. She was dating a guy for about 5 yrs, they broke up in October after he beat the crap out of her. I hate this guy, he pushed all her friends away, she would cancel on me, not call me, and avoid me and many of her friends becuase of how possesive he was. She would only call me once a month, everytime he would break up with her to ask me if I though he was comming back. She has many issues, and he made them worst, he made her insecure, immature and just a person I no longer wanted to associate with. When they finally broke up, she called me and since then we have tried to re establish our friendship, she asked me to forgive her for being a bad friend and for letting him be her.
I told her that she would always find a friend in me, and that we would work on our friendship, we began hanging out more, calling each other more, etc.
She began dating a really great guy and it seemed like he was the one, he then broke up with her in the last month, and she fell into a depression. I called her last week to see how she was doing and she asks me if she could bring a date to my wedding, I told her maybe, becuase if my family from my home country comes, then I wont have enough space, if not then most likely. She then goes on to say, 'you may not like who I bring...I got back with $^*&' I was floored, I was sure that she would never do this again, he beat her so bad, he chipped her tooth! and tried to stab her.
I hate this guy and I told her that I would remain her friend, and that I was scared for her, that I did not want to get a call from her mom that she was dead somewhere..
I do not want him at my wedding, prior to them getting together, he and I used to be friends, and we have seen each other in the last 5 years once or twice, but since they are back together how do I tell her? There is just no way I can have him there.... Any advice...
ItalianMcBride09
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Re: Close friend, her horrible boyfriend and invites help!
be 100% honest with her and tell her NO WAY . I would never pay for a person like that to be at my wedding, trust me it couldn't be anymore clear to me, I wish I had reasons to not invite people's significant others HTH
Soon2BMrsC09
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Re: Close friend, her horrible boyfriend and invites help!
i would be honest with her and if shes ur friend she will understand - if hes that lose with his temper with her - who knows what he may act like at your wedding - you have you and your family to look out for - no need for any additional drama
FutureMrsLV
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Re: Close friend, her horrible boyfriend and invites help!
i wouldnt want someone like that at my wedding... by the time the wedding comes who knows if they will still be together so you might be in luck!
Maria31
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Re: Close friend, her horrible boyfriend and invites help!
You know what's funny.. this sounds just like a friend of mine.
It's so difficult to watch someone that you love be mistreated and it's sooo crazy that they don't even realize it. If they do realize it, they just don't want to believe it because they don't think they can find anyone better... I've had my ups and downs with my friend so I can totally to your situation...
If I were you, I'd explain to her how much you love her and how much better she can do. Let her know that you do not like her bf and that he is the last person that you'd want to see on your wedding day. It's important to let her know how much you want her there, though! Sometimes when people are in relationships like that, their significant other would be like 'If I can't go, you can't go' and that would just be unfortunate if she doesn't go to your wedding bc of it.
Good Luck!
JulyBride728
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Re: Close friend, her horrible boyfriend and invites help!
I have the same situation. I would def. not have him there and I would voice that opinion as well. just say HELL NO lol.... in all honesty, you can't help someone who doesn't want to help themself, just tell her that you want her to be apart of your life and your wedding but NOT him!
Jayla127
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Re: Close friend, her horrible boyfriend and invites help!
I would personally be uncomfortable with her bringing the same man that use to and still beats her. I could not stomach looking in his face at my wedding. If this is your friend then you would hope she will understand where you are coming from. Also, the fact that you are thinking about her best interest.
I just hope and pray that she really wakes up and moves on. Because as long as that man is in her life she will not progress as an individual
PrincessBride09
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Re: Close friend, her horrible boyfriend and invites help!
I agree that I definitely would not have him at the wedding. I hope your friend wakes up, but she may have no friends left by that point. I lost one of my best friends over the same situation. It is now almost 3 years since we stopped talking and she finally broke up with the guy. Unfortunately, we lost our friendship but I am happy for her that she is not with him anymore! I hope everything works out for your friend.
jaep129
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Re: Close friend, her horrible boyfriend and invites help!
Tell her how you feel. I wouldn't want him there either. Tell her you are more then welcome but he can not come. Also, I would tell her that she is crazy to be back with him. I know love blinds but come on. You also have to let her know about how wrong she is to be with him!
frenchy702
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Re: Close friend, her horrible boyfriend and invites help!
wow... the best thing to do is be honest with your friend. Have a heart to heart with her and tell her that you love her and really want her to be there on your big day but you would prefer not to have him come. It's really hard telling someone something that they just don't see or refuse or ignore to see about the person that they are with. Just be honest with her and let her know that you really care about her and not to settle for someone who is not worth settling for. Good Luck,
DavaDay
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Re: Close friend, her horrible boyfriend and invites help!
It sounds to me like your friend is making a horrible mistake, but your witholding an invite from her isn't going to teach her anything. I know from experience that you can't choose your friends' (in my case, family members') partners, no matter how passive-agressive you are in not inviting them places, or how agressive you are in talking to them directly about what you think is best for them. This girl is in an abusive relationship and has blinders on, and you not inviting her boyfriend to your wedding won't change that. It won't show her that this guy is bad news - it'll only hurt your own relationship with her.
I went through something similar myself with someone I did not want to be at my wedding, but this person is dating someone I love dearly, and it's not my choice. They're in a long-term relationship and as much as I would like to choose my friends' partners, I can't. You might be able to get around this by saying that your friend has only just started dating this guy again and you're only inviting couples who are married/live together. But just know that as much as you want to help your friend, having a heart-to-heart with her might work, but not inviting her guy to the wedding and telling her that it's for her own good is only going to make her mad at you.
fashiondiva
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Re: Close friend, her horrible boyfriend and invites help!
Yikes, that's a pickle for you... if you don't invite him (if they are still together at that time) then he probably won't let her go without him; therefore you are risking the chance your friend won't be at your wedding. tough call. I say, time will tell, don't stress about it till you're closer to the time of sending out the invites.
kat124
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Re: Close friend, her horrible boyfriend and invites help!
Thanks so much for all yoru advice ladies. They have a tendency to get drunk and cause scenes, and I am not having that at my wedding. I am also unwilling to pay for him to come. I will slowly work into having her understand that he is not welcome at my home, wedding or around me.
I called her yesterday to invite her to go out for drinks on Thusday after wokr, and she was like oh, yeah I was planning on going with a few friends and so and so, and I said, oh am sorry if he is going then maybe we can leave this for another time. This invite was only for you.
I spoke to FH, and he also doesnt want him there. When I give her the invitation I will do so in person and it will only say her name with no guests, this will give me the opportunity to have a talk with her and explain it to her.
