Cold Feet

FH has cold feet. we almost canceled the wedding this weekend because he's freaking out so much. last week i'd had enough of his ambivalence towards the wedding and i thought it would help if i pushed him to help out more with the planning - and then he had a complete meltdown.

i knew something has been wrong but i kept waiting for him to shake it off and get excited for the wedding. now we're both unhappy and the wedding is in 11 days. i should be as happy and excited as the rest of you girls are, and i'm so angry at him for taking that away from me, and i feel guilty for not being more understanding - i know this has been very difficult for him too.

im so sorry youre going through this, i cant even imagine how you must feel 11 days before the wedding trying to finalize last minute things and having to deal with his wedding jitters

most brides and grooms get really nervous before a wedding and the best thing for you and your FH to do is to try to figure out whats behind his cold feelings and maybe he should take a break from wedding planning. I hope it all works out

Wow, but he definitely should've spoken to you about how he was feeling too. So don't be so hard on yourself either. I think it natural for everyone to get cold feet. It's a big step to take, but just talk everything out.

Does he think everything is over once you guys get married or something? I wouldn't think he would ask you to marry him and then not go through with it. I really hope you work things out and keep us posted. We're here for you.

thank you... i feel a little better writing about it, actually.

unfortunately we're so behind with everything that we can't take a break from the wedding planning at this point since there's so little time left - and we didn't get anything done this weekend because of the freaking out!!

i guess i'll just continue with the planning and hope for the best. maybe a bad engagement will mean a great marriage (like they say a bad rehearsal means a beautiful wedding).

Its just such a stressful time for you especially. I was one edge the last couple weeks of the wedding and I think FH was like what the H am I getting into. I just tried to distance myself and do what i had to do as to not start fights and things. I am sure its just the stress thats getting to him. Plus many men and women get cold feet. Its a big decision and its natural for some to feel that way. Dont worry I am sure it will turn out ok.

Is it just nreves... or is it stress..? Do you know where its coming from? Don't feel guilty or angry, just sit down and talk. Maybe he just needs someone to talk to and tell him it'll be fine.

you'll be alright....everything will fall into place

Don't be so hard on yourself!
This is just as much his responsibility as it is yours. Besides, he asked you to marry him, didn't he?
If it makes you feel any better, and I can't speak for everyone, but I know that a lot of people have these same feelings. The stress of a wedding, the planning, and the anticipation of this major life change takes its toll. Yes, its a happy time, but it is a HUGE adjustment.

I am so sorry you are going through this. Has your FH told you exactly why he's having cold feet (is he nervous about the wedding or the marriage? Does he feel he's not ready or something else? etc). It might help to try to address the actual issue. If he can't put his finger on it, then it might just be nerves - I hear its very natural and common.

I'm hoping that everything turns out perfect for you guys and that in a year you can look back and laugh at the stressful last 2 weeks before your wedding.

he said he doesn't know what's wrong, just that he's not as happy as he thinks he should be - that we should be jumping for joy every day because we're getting married next week, but were not so something must be wrong.

i told him it's probably stress and everyone feels it and it's normal, we have alot going on with work and the wedding and everything else, but he thinks everyone else is super-happy right before their wedding and we should be too. i've talked myself blue in the face but he's stuck in a funk, and now i'm down there with him.

maybe you guys could try talking to a counselor of somekind? Like a priest, rabbi or therapist...i am sure they have dealt with this before and perhaps they will know the right questions to ask to help you guys....good luck!!!!!

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. He definately should have discussed this with you earlier, you deserve t be as happy and stree-free as possible!!

First of all, I dont' know anyone who was jumping for joy the week before their wedding. I can honestly say the majority of my friends have all been on the brink of killing each other the week before. I think it's a culmination of stress + financial burden + family craziness = nervous breakdown. I think what he is feeling is probably normal.

Maybe you should try to meet with the person who is marrying you for like a mini counseling session. It would probably help to calm his nerves. Or maybe have his mom, dad, sibling or other close family member talk to him?

Hang in there! It will all work out!

I looked at the date of your post hoping it was another April fools joke.........I'm so sorry.......
Try to keep open communication going....
wishing you all the best

thanks guys, your words really help. he says he's done freaking out, that he's physically and emotionally drained and too tired to freak out anymore, and he doesn't want to lose me or freak me out anymore. he said he has 11 days to make it up to me and salvage the rest of our engagement, so cross your fingers that his new attitude sticks.

i know things will work out, but this really stinks.

So glad he has come to you with that info, see all with fall into place, its just going to take a few days to get past it and then you will be Mr & Mrs, wedding are very stressfull, they say if you can get past your wedding day, you can get past anything in life..... so remember that, its nothing to do with you..... SMILE GIRLFRIEND......

Wow...I dont even know what kind of advice to give you at this point. All I can do is pray that he gets over it and enjoys the day....good luck, and please keep us posted.

Men get nervous, that's all there is. You've tried reeling him in and that didn't work. Ask mom, FMIL, sis, BM's or anyone for a hand. Give him less to handle or one teeny tiny project (prefferably something that doesn't really have to get done) I hope everything settles in and down. Good Luck with it all

Sorry to hear about this sweetie.

Depending on how serious you feel these jitters could be, I think that maybe you and FH should make time for a last minute session with a counselor or your priest/pastor just to find out what exactly might be causing the jitters and how to work through them. This may sound like a serious and extreme suggestion, but marriage is not a magic pill that makes problems go away. IF there is anything deeper there than just jitters (you said you've had a bad engagement 'maybe a bad engagement will mean a great marriage') it would be best to find out before you're married.

OR this could just be typical jitters and nothing to worry about! Hopefully and likely it's the latter. Men usually don't handle stress as well as women!
JMO Hope everything works out for the best!