SO, my FH makes $$$$ and I'm a grad student with nothing (now). My parents saved money from me starting with my Bat Mitzvah - I'm wondering, what have others of you done with commingling your funds? DO you think I should talk to my parents about what will happen with this money? We are not in a position to need/want it, but I would like to feel i'm contributing to something. I HATE talking about money, also.
Another point - we're thinking of having one joint checking and one joint saving account. Nothing with our own names on it. How do others deal with it?? TIA.
David'sbride
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Re: Commingling money after wedding??
As this is one of the main reasons why marriages in American break up you need to have this discussion immediately. You must be on the same page regarding money or it can be stressful foor the enire relationship.
Why would you talk with you parents about this before your FH if you are joining your life with him?
JMO but you should always go to your future spouse regarding issues in your relationship before anyone else, including your parents.
FunBride
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Re: Commingling money after wedding??
David's Bride -agreed. He thinks they should hand over whatever assets they have been saving in my name.
My FH makes more $$$ than my father, and since they are paying for wedding, I don't know what the big deal is if they DON'T 'hand over' the money.
We're in the midst of talking about a pre-nup, also, just fyi.
cocoa
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Re: Commingling money after wedding??
we received money from the wedding. dh came into the relatoinship with basically no savings. i had been saving money since college for a wedding (prior to meeting him) and therefore could pay for the wedding. what was left over was about 5-6K and i recently added it to our savings account. it would in my opinion depend on the amount in savings. i would personally save a little extra aside just in case. just in case you: want to take a vacation and want to surprise him, just in case of a layoff, just in case you buy a house and want furniture or the oil burner goes, just in case is always a cushion, so if something happens and you need to resort to your savings and wipe it out, you still have something.
AnniesSS
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Re: Commingling money after wedding??
I think once you are an adult and married, you should handle your own funds - so ask your parents to fork it over! lol
As for joint accounts - you should have one to cover house expenses and have one for yourself. I've seen too many women lose it all because their own cash wasn't in their own name... but I've also seen people who never had a joint account and pay their own bills. lol I think it's silly but whatever lol
marc_rai
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Re: Commingling money after wedding??
We have a joint checking account, joint saving account, and we each have our own personal checking and savings account. FH makes more than me right now. However, I have more $$ saved up then him.
This is what we do. We pool both our checks together and place it into the joint checking. Out of that money we pay our bills and pay ourselves. By paying ourselves, I mean that we each get an 'allowance', and it is the same amount for both of us. Out of that money we can decide to save it or spend it. We also set aside money for our joint savings account. Everything left over either goes to joint savings or remains in the joint checking. This way we are able to save together and seperately.
Darcy
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Re: Commingling money after wedding??
first of all, what is the Bar Mitzpha (sorry about spelling money) and why do you think they would not give it to you. Wasn't it like yours starting the time you got it. I mean, was it invested for you or something. I am alittle confused on that.
Also, you are of age to handle your own money, and I would laugh at my father if he thought that could not touch my own money. The big deal MAY be with your FH that it is odd that you dont think you should have your own money, regardless what he or your father are making.
These are definitly things that should have been/should be talked about. However, I am completely against pre-nup. To me, there is a lack of trust involved if there is a pre-nup.
hocus
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Re: Commingling money after wedding??
Here is what we are doing.
1. Joint checking.
2. Joint savings (which will have all of the wedding money, as well as any bonus money that comes in post wedding.)
3. FI will have an account with his 'play money' which is the money he saved before we met. It is his to do with what he wants.
4. I have a small account with my 'play money.' Which is pretty small after this wedding :(
We talked about this for sometime.
Blu-ize
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Re: Commingling money after wedding??
Hocus; you are using your money to pay for the wedding? Is that why your account is small? His account is his, but he's not contributing? Sorry to derail the thread, I'm just curious.
Personally, before we married it was two accounts, after it was one joint checking, one joint money market, joint brokerage and indivdual retirement accounts. All of our credit cards are joint. I believe that since we are on the same page with money matters if G*D forbid something would happen with our marriage, we would be able to work it out. We both came into the marriage with the same amount of $.
hocus
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Re: Commingling money after wedding??
Posted by Blu-ize
Hocus; you are using your money to pay for the wedding? Is that why your account is small? His account is his, but he's not contributing? Sorry to derail the thread, I'm just curious.
Personally, before we married it was two accounts, after it was one joint checking, one joint money market, joint brokerage and individual retirement accounts. All of our credit cards are joint. I believe that since we are on the same page with money matters if G*D forbid something would happen with our marriage, we would be able to work it out. We both came into the marriage with the same amount of $.
I had less money to begin with. So the wedding planning hit me harder. FI is contributing to the wedding - mainly by paying for the Honeymoon.
jersee3380
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Re: Commingling money after wedding??
right from the start, we had joint accounts. FH has no debt and makes good $$ and I have aalot of debt and make less than him. he said i am taking you and all that goes w/ you so we immediately opened a joint account and have been paying everything together.
i do not like the sound that you are doing a pre-nup. IMO, thats expecting the marriage to fail and everyone is covering their backs.
simbacat
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Re: Commingling money after wedding??
Posted by cocoa
we received money from the wedding. dh came into the relatoinship with basically no savings. i had been saving money since college for a wedding (prior to meeting him) and therefore could pay for the wedding. what was left over was about 5-6K and i recently added it to our savings account. it would in my opinion depend on the amount in savings. i would personally save a little extra aside just in case. just in case you: want to take a vacation and want to surprise him, just in case of a layoff, just in case you buy a house and want furniture or the oil burner goes, just in case is always a cushion, so if something happens and you need to resort to your savings and wipe it out, you still have something.
Well put. Good advice
hmm8191
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Re: Commingling money after wedding??
We're both broke but we've got joint checking: for household stuff joint checking: wedding winnings individual accounts for 'play' money.
JEANNIE
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Re: Commingling money after wedding??
FunBride - Maybe the reason why they were holding your money was to be able to pay for your wedding. I'm not saying all of the money they saved would be able to pay for it all, but it probably gave them a start. I would NOT ask them for the money. It's very rare to find parents that are willing to pay for weddings these days. You're FH should be thankful for that in itself. If you were struggling in life, that would be a different story. Money fights between families are never healthy. Try to avoid it. Also, don't feel bad about the prenup...just make sure it protects you as well as it does him.
july06bride
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Re: Commingling money after wedding??
right now we have joint savings account with money for wedding/house whatever
we each have our own savings and own checking account
but when we get married we will have our own play $$$ and joint money for bills etc
Scooter
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Re: Commingling money after wedding??
Posted by JEANNIE
FunBride - Also, don't feel bad about the prenup...just make sure it protects you as well as it does him.
JMHO, but, I agree. Just b/c you get a pre-nup doesn't mean that you love or trust each other any less.
We're keeping our individual checking & savings accounts (for bills & play money) and creating a joint account to save for a down payment. Money is one of the biggest reasons that couples fight- we want to avoid that by keeping our own accounts but also having a joint account.
Good luck with whatever you decide!!!
ETA: It would bother me a little if my FH makes $$$ and is insisting that my parents 'hand over' the money they've saved up for me...
JEANNIE
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Re: Commingling money after wedding??
Good advice, Scooter!!!
MCDO15
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Re: Commingling money after wedding??
Well... we simply put our money in one place.. pay bills, try to save and live. If you feel the need to protect yourself w/ money, i don't think the marriage is right for you (IMO).
To seperate things means for example, i got my half of the mortage, wheres your half... that should never be the case in a marriage. I've seen it and it's not pretty.
Play money..jeez...i wish i had some of that. We rarely go shopping for things that we don't need as we want a house and every bit counts. What if one person made more then the other and husband gets 200 extra in pay money while the wife gets 50 in play money? i would feel offended...
all just my imo...
what ever works best for you is your solution. but when you are married and joined as one, everything should be done together.
