Do you ladies have another couple in your life that always has to one up you and FH? or 'beat you'?
I was having this conversation with a coworker the other day. Her and her boyfriend bought a house... and as soon as they did this other couple put an offer on their house. They had to get a bigger and better one. They had to get married first. Yada yada.
Anyway. It got me thinking and I realized my FBIL and his gf are definitely THOSE people in my life. However... they live SUCH a different lifestyle than FH and I that I don't even feel like it IS a competition because its like comparing apples and books. Yes. Apples and Books. We're THAT different.
Like... Im modest, elegant and understated... and she's big gaudy and money. I don't NEED nor do I WANT to spend more that 100k on my wedding day. She NEEDS it. Its a status thing apparently. IDK.
HOWEVER. I constantly get the urge to punch FBIL's GF in the mouth. This past weekend she made the THIRD comment about how 'small' my ring is.
Apparently FBIL put a down payment on her custom made, 4+carat diamond engagement ring. She's boastful that its as much as a down payment on a house.
Personally... I find that disgusting. Yes... its their money and they can do with it what they want... but a piece of jewelry should NOT cost 10k or more.
When we were talking about it she showed me the picture and I scoffed and was just like 'Wow thats big'... not an 'impressed' 'Wow thats big' but a legitimate 'wow thats big and unnecessary and disgusting'.
Anyway... that led to the comment of 'Well... he wants me to have what I want and wants me to be happy and if I got a ring as small as yours... I wouldn't be happy'
To which I replied 'Well the size of the diamond doesn't measure the love. Its not about the size of the ring. I don't need a huge a$$ rock to know my husband is going to love me for the rest of my life. He's my bragging right.. not my ring'
Then she said 'Well I like my jewelry big to make a statement'
My reply was 'Well I make a statement for myself... I don't need a piece of jewelry to do it for me'
... and I walked away before I stabbed her.
I've seriously had it with this girl and now I'm gonna be stuck with her until ... well... whenever. Lucky for me at least FH and FBIL aren't that close so its not like I have to deal with her but she's just such a money, label obsessed girl and I seriously can't handle girls like that.
So anyway. my point of the post is...
do you guys have any competition couples in your life? How do you deal?
MrsAlfa
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Re: 'competition couples'
Nope, we don't. I like to think that we are individuals with our own life and circumstances, so no need for competition with others.
Nope, thank God! I'm sorry that you have someone that shallow in your life, though. That sounds like somebody who only loves a person for what they can do for her and that's disgusting and sad. Just count your blessings that you aren't a shallow person!
cets1290
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Re: 'competition couples'
Yep! my FH's coworker and his fiance are like that- I told them where I was getting married and right afterwards she proceeded to say that she hated that place and it was so old looking blah blah blah- so i REALLY wanted to say 'well you're place hosts 3 weddings at a time and has ugly italian carpet all over it and has a terrible food reputation' but instead I just kept quiet because we were around a group of coworkers wives and my bosses wife.
I am SO glad I kept quiet because this girl just kept one-upping me on all of my wedding plans that I was talking about and the rest of the group noticed. My bosses wife ended up saying something to her in front of everyone about how she sounds spoiled and that even though there will be people that could be finding her wedding to be 'gaudy italian', nobody would say anything to her about it because it's HER wedding and she deserves to do what she wants. So my bosses wife told her that in the same respect, she should understand that if she doesn't like something I'm doing for my wedding, she should keep it to herself because it's rude and hurtful.
Basically, the coworker's wives all hate her now and i'm glad I didn't yell back because I think I did the right thing there since she was digging herself a hole everytime she opened her mouth. Needless to say, she realized that everyone was mad at her, and sent me this jewelery cleaner in that mail that she was telling me about that day. It was totally her way of saying I'm sorry lol
I'm also glad my wedding is first. Her wedding can be as BIG as she wants, but I'm going for a more romantic feel, so the themes will always be different. Either way, she can do whatever she wants to 'upstage me', but I will be married and won't care what she does at her wedding lol
I'm also glad my wedding is first. Her wedding can be as BIG as she wants, but I'm going for a more romantic feel, so the themes will always be different. Either way, she can do whatever she wants to 'upstage me', but I will be married and won't care what she does at her wedding lol
thats how i feel too!
Chaz
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Re: 'competition couples'
Posted by katielynn Like... Im modest, elegant and understated... and she's big gaudy and money. I don't NEED nor do I WANT to spend more that 100k on my wedding day. She NEEDS it. Its a status thing apparently. IDK.
Apparently FBIL put a down payment on her custom made, 4+carat diamond engagement ring. She's boastful that its as much as a down payment on a house.
Personally... I find that disgusting. Yes... its their money and they can do with it what they want... but a piece of jewelry should NOT cost 10k or more.
When we were talking about it she showed me the picture and I scoffed and was just like 'Wow thats big'... not an 'impressed' 'Wow thats big' but a legitimate 'wow thats big and unnecessary and disgusting'.
I think this seems a little judgmental on your part as well. I agree that competition is stupid, and every relationship is different, but you judging her for having a larger, more expensive diamond is just the same as her judging you for having a small diamond.
And it's not your place to say how much people should spend on jewelry. My diamond is not obnoxiously big, but it's completely flawless/colorless and that's why it cost well over 10k - which was a comfortable amount for FH to spend.
I get what you mean as a bigger picture, but this seems like a two-way street if you react like that. I don't mean any offense if this strikes you wrong, but I think you should take a breath and understand that you and your FBIL's GF are two completely different brands of female, and stop taking her comments to heart.
Good luck!
Soon2BeMrsPy
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Re: 'competition couples'
Honestly, NO. I don't associate with petty, materialistic people like that. She can project how big her ring all she wants, doesn't equate to love!! People are so obnoxious I can't take it. I am proud you stuck up for yourself, your FH and your relationship. That is what is important, you can live in a shack with the man you love and have everything. Some people will NEVER understand that though and are truly missing out on what it genuinely means to be IN LOVE and have found their soul mate.
Loumela
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Re: 'competition couples'
Posted by katielynn
My reply was 'Well I make a statement for myself... I don't need a piece of jewelry to do it for me'
... and I walked away before I stabbed her.
LMAO!!!!!!!!!! That was my favorite part. You are freaking awesome and I wish more women were like that.
I don't think thats being judgmental, she just recognizing the value of living within your means. If the price tag of something is more feasible for one FH or couple than, FINE --that's one thing, and all the more power to you! But her FSIL seems to be one of those people who needs to be validated through material things, at LITERALLY ANY COST! AND then making others try to feel as bad and little as she actually does --for not wanting or pursuing the same.
In the end, if I were you---as hard as it is, just remember that people who act like THAT--and not necess people who have huge rings & ones that cost well over 10K lol-- are really miserable and sad deep down for reasons that have nothing to do with YOU!
But I so love and encourage how well you handled that
Soon2BeMrsMango
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Re: 'competition couples'
Posted by Chaz
Posted by katielynn Like... Im modest, elegant and understated... and she's big gaudy and money. I don't NEED nor do I WANT to spend more that 100k on my wedding day. She NEEDS it. Its a status thing apparently. IDK.
Apparently FBIL put a down payment on her custom made, 4+carat diamond engagement ring. She's boastful that its as much as a down payment on a house.
Personally... I find that disgusting. Yes... its their money and they can do with it what they want... but a piece of jewelry should NOT cost 10k or more.
When we were talking about it she showed me the picture and I scoffed and was just like 'Wow thats big'... not an 'impressed' 'Wow thats big' but a legitimate 'wow thats big and unnecessary and disgusting'.
I think this seems a little judgmental on your part as well. I agree that competition is stupid, and every relationship is different, but you judging her for having a larger, more expensive diamond is just the same as her judging you for having a small diamond.
And it's not your place to say how much people should spend on jewelry. My diamond is not obnoxiously big, but it's completely flawless/colorless and that's why it cost well over 10k - which was a comfortable amount for FH to spend.
I get what you mean as a bigger picture, but this seems like a two-way street if you react like that. I don't mean any offense if this strikes you wrong, but I think you should take a breath and understand that you and your FBIL's GF are two completely different brands of female, and stop taking her comments to heart.
Good luck!
I'd have to agree with Chaz.
I don't have a 4 carat ring but mine was over 10K as well. Also if she is getting a 4 carat ring for 10K it is DEF not close to a flawless stone.
Soon2BeMrsPy
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Re: 'competition couples'
I think there is a difference to having a big expensive ring and throwing it someones face diminishing there ring, that is obnoxiously rude.
I am sure a lot of us have over 10k rings but we aren't presenting it in a 'HEY MINE IS BETTER THAN YOURS' way which can be hurtful to others.
Stephanie621
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Member since
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luckyerialc
Posted:
Member since
Re: 'competition couples'
Posted by Soon2BeMrsMango
Posted by Chaz
Posted by katielynn Like... Im modest, elegant and understated... and she's big gaudy and money. I don't NEED nor do I WANT to spend more that 100k on my wedding day. She NEEDS it. Its a status thing apparently. IDK.
Apparently FBIL put a down payment on her custom made, 4+carat diamond engagement ring. She's boastful that its as much as a down payment on a house.
Personally... I find that disgusting. Yes... its their money and they can do with it what they want... but a piece of jewelry should NOT cost 10k or more.
When we were talking about it she showed me the picture and I scoffed and was just like 'Wow thats big'... not an 'impressed' 'Wow thats big' but a legitimate 'wow thats big and unnecessary and disgusting'.
I think this seems a little judgmental on your part as well. I agree that competition is stupid, and every relationship is different, but you judging her for having a larger, more expensive diamond is just the same as her judging you for having a small diamond.
And it's not your place to say how much people should spend on jewelry. My diamond is not obnoxiously big, but it's completely flawless/colorless and that's why it cost well over 10k - which was a comfortable amount for FH to spend.
I get what you mean as a bigger picture, but this seems like a two-way street if you react like that. I don't mean any offense if this strikes you wrong, but I think you should take a breath and understand that you and your FBIL's GF are two completely different brands of female, and stop taking her comments to heart.
Good luck!
I'd have to agree with Chaz.
I don't have a 4 carat ring but mine was over 10K as well. Also if she is getting a 4 carat ring for 10K it is DEF not close to a flawless stone.
I also agree. It sounds like she definitely a flashy person but maybe she is just being defensive. My diamond definitely isn't HUGE (1.7 carat) but it cost more than 10k - which FH felt comfortable with and I do knowing now. We also cared about clarity, color, etc.
Plus, i want to know where someone gets a FOUR carat ring at that price! There must be a ton of inclusions. lol
Anyway, it just sucks you have to deal with that. It sounds like she isn't being malicious but just lacks a filter. Hopefully she will learn over time to moderate what she says and become a little more self-aware.
Alyssa M
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Member since
Re: 'competition couples'
Posted by Stephanie621
Posted by Soon2BeMrsMango
Posted by Chaz
Posted by katielynn Like... Im modest, elegant and understated... and she's big gaudy and money. I don't NEED nor do I WANT to spend more that 100k on my wedding day. She NEEDS it. Its a status thing apparently. IDK.
Apparently FBIL put a down payment on her custom made, 4+carat diamond engagement ring. She's boastful that its as much as a down payment on a house.
Personally... I find that disgusting. Yes... its their money and they can do with it what they want... but a piece of jewelry should NOT cost 10k or more.
When we were talking about it she showed me the picture and I scoffed and was just like 'Wow thats big'... not an 'impressed' 'Wow thats big' but a legitimate 'wow thats big and unnecessary and disgusting'.
I think this seems a little judgmental on your part as well. I agree that competition is stupid, and every relationship is different, but you judging her for having a larger, more expensive diamond is just the same as her judging you for having a small diamond.
And it's not your place to say how much people should spend on jewelry. My diamond is not obnoxiously big, but it's completely flawless/colorless and that's why it cost well over 10k - which was a comfortable amount for FH to spend.
I get what you mean as a bigger picture, but this seems like a two-way street if you react like that. I don't mean any offense if this strikes you wrong, but I think you should take a breath and understand that you and your FBIL's GF are two completely different brands of female, and stop taking her comments to heart.
Good luck!
I'd have to agree with Chaz.
I don't have a 4 carat ring but mine was over 10K as well. Also if she is getting a 4 carat ring for 10K it is DEF not close to a flawless stone.
I have to agree also. My ring cost well over $10K but it was an amount FH was comfortable with spending. It's not stopping us from buying the house we want now while paying for our own wedding. It doesn't mean either of us are trying to show every one else how much he loves me with the size of my ring. I would have said yes without a ring at all. I understand that she's being judgmental and competitive and that's what you're upset about but it seems you're being a bit judgmental.
I do love your response to her obnoxious comments and realize you're just venting. But, every one is different and in different circumstances.
I'm going to have to agree with these ladies and respectfully disagree with the ring cost issue. To be honest I got a pang of ring shame when I was reading your post. My ring was over 10k because of it's size and quality, but that was a number we were comfortably able to spend because we already own our first home and he had been putting money aside for it. Ring size, shape, color, etc. shouldn't have an effect on you or her or anyone for that matter. It's just a matter of personal preference and what is affordable in any given persons situation.
I have a friend who tries to one up me constantly and I understand where you're coming from, and the best advice I can give you is to just ignore her. In the grand scheme of life her ring or her wedding or her anything shouldn't effect you either way. You're happy and in love and blessed just like she is so it's win-win! You'll probably feel better about being around her if you just let it roll off your back.
Posted by katielynn Like... Im modest, elegant and understated... and she's big gaudy and money. I don't NEED nor do I WANT to spend more that 100k on my wedding day. She NEEDS it. Its a status thing apparently. IDK.
Apparently FBIL put a down payment on her custom made, 4+carat diamond engagement ring. She's boastful that its as much as a down payment on a house.
Personally... I find that disgusting. Yes... its their money and they can do with it what they want... but a piece of jewelry should NOT cost 10k or more.
When we were talking about it she showed me the picture and I scoffed and was just like 'Wow thats big'... not an 'impressed' 'Wow thats big' but a legitimate 'wow thats big and unnecessary and disgusting'.
I think this seems a little judgmental on your part as well. I agree that competition is stupid, and every relationship is different, but you judging her for having a larger, more expensive diamond is just the same as her judging you for having a small diamond.
And it's not your place to say how much people should spend on jewelry. My diamond is not obnoxiously big, but it's completely flawless/colorless and that's why it cost well over 10k - which was a comfortable amount for FH to spend.
I get what you mean as a bigger picture, but this seems like a two-way street if you react like that. I don't mean any offense if this strikes you wrong, but I think you should take a breath and understand that you and your FBIL's GF are two completely different brands of female, and stop taking her comments to heart.
Good luck!
I'd have to agree with Chaz.
I don't have a 4 carat ring but mine was over 10K as well. Also if she is getting a 4 carat ring for 10K it is DEF not close to a flawless stone.
Having a flawless stone that is smaller and spending money on it in my opinion is an investment. Thats the difference. She cares about the size and the price tag. She's so proud of the fact that she got FBIL to drop a down payment on a house on a ring.
Its so hard for me to not take things like that to heart because all she does it talk about money. FBIL is a city cop so yes, he makes more than my FH does and FBIL NEVER lets him forget it. So when the GF makes comments like that it makes me feel badly because then FH gets upset. Luckily this time FH wasn't around for this conversation and I haven't even told him about the comment she made.
The ring was the final straw. Everything with this girl is just money money money and its frustrating. She makes one comment about spending all the money on a ring and then when my FSIL asks about an engagement party the GF shoots me a look and is like 'I dont need an engagement party... its a waste of money'.
I feel like she just takes cheap shots at FH and I and thats what kills me. I feel like she says things to just try and take us down and now its been about a year of this and I'm so over it.
cets1290
Posted:
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Re: 'competition couples'
I agree with everyone on here as well. That is why in my above post I said that I just kept quiet and didn't say anything. In these types of situations, silence is golden for sure. Its better to let her sound spoiled or whatever, rather than you speaking back to her and sounding just as bad, you know?
In my situation, if I had argued back we both would have looked like crazy bridezillas, so i decided to just shutup and let her continue to sound like an idiot, and everyone saw what I saw. Next time, try to just ignore it and say whatever you want to say back to her to your FH when your back at home! lol
I think there is a difference to having a big expensive ring and throwing it someones face diminishing there ring, that is obnoxiously rude.
I am sure a lot of us have over 10k rings but we aren't presenting it in a 'HEY MINE IS BETTER THAN YOURS' way which can be hurtful to others.
This. Exactly this. Normally I don't care about the size or cost a ring. I can't fathom having FH spending more that what FH spent on mine because we have BIG dreams for a house and kids and traveling and we just feel that the money is better spent. Also... I could NEVER walk around with that amount of money on my hand because I seriously would be so paranoid. I'd be like one of those real housewife ladies and wear a fake ring lol.
Its the fact that she shoves it in my face along with all the money she has in her trust fund and from dead relatives and this that and the third.
I never had money so I don't know if this is just how it is with people who have money like this or what. I'm also an only child so I don't know how to deal with competitive personalities like this because it was always just me and I never felt that I had to show up anyone.
luckyerialc
Posted:
Member since
Re: 'competition couples'
Posted by katielynn
Posted by Soon2BeMrsPy
I think there is a difference to having a big expensive ring and throwing it someones face diminishing there ring, that is obnoxiously rude.
I am sure a lot of us have over 10k rings but we aren't presenting it in a 'HEY MINE IS BETTER THAN YOURS' way which can be hurtful to others.
This. Exactly this. Normally I don't care about the size or cost a ring. I can't fathom having FH spending more that what FH spent on mine because we have BIG dreams for a house and kids and traveling and we just feel that the money is better spent. Also... I could NEVER walk around with that amount of money on my hand because I seriously would be so paranoid. I'd be like one of those real housewife ladies and wear a fake ring lol.
Its the fact that she shoves it in my face along with all the money she has in her trust fund and from dead relatives and this that and the third.
I never had money so I don't know if this is just how it is with people who have money like this or what. I'm also an only child so I don't know how to deal with competitive personalities like this because it was always just me and I never felt that I had to show up anyone.
LOL love the real housewives reference!!
I think it's so wrong of her to constantly try to one-up re: money. It honestly seems like she is insecure in a lot of facets of her life and this is the one area she feels confident in. I would rather be happy with myself and poor than be like that!
Chaz
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Member since
Re: 'competition couples'
Posted by katielynn
Its the fact that she shoves it in my face along with all the money she has in her trust fund and from dead relatives and this that and the third.
This is just completely inappropriate. I know it must get annoying, but the best thing you can do is just ignore** her. It could piss her off more that she doesn't impress you.
PLUS I don't get why she'd think that money she received from people dying is impressive. She didn't work for it, she didn't earn it. People died. That's just sad, I wouldn't even bring it up.
Even if I EARNED brag-worthy money in the bank, I'd walk around the happiest little girl with a secret and never tell a soul.
People are dumb. I don't try to fight it.
ETA: Accidentally wrote 'annoy her' instead of 'ignore her!' Oops! Sorry! Haha :)
simba301
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Member since
Re: 'competition couples'
I don't have a couple like that in my life, but I do have a coworker who feels like she has to one-up everyone and everything all the time. For example, my coworkers got me a cake when we got engaged and we all sat around talking after lunch, enjoying the cake and having a good time. Then, she jumps in with the comment, 'you know...your ring won't sparkle like that forever.' Now, I'm used to her being nasty (she actually tried to one-up me when I had the flu by claiming that she had bronchitis and fake-coughing all day, lol), so I snapped back at her in front of everyone and said, 'Actually, it will...because it's FLAWLESS and because I will take care of it properly.' That shut her up, lol.
I can't handle petty people, but I also understand that, at least in her case, it stems from jealousy and insecurity...the girl has major daddy issues. She may have a bigger ring and a bigger house, but she has to tell her husband when to send her flowers. At least once a month, my FH drives 20 miles out of his way to surprise me with flowers at my office and that must burn her, lol.
Your FSIL might not actually be malicious, she might just be tactless and (obliviously) rude. Either way, I'm glad you don't have to deal with her on a daily basis. Life is too short to worry about materialism and one-upping each other. Being happy and sharing your love with family and friends is more important than anything you could buy anyway.
Brunettelizzie29
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Member since
Re: 'competition couples'
Thank goodness that we don't..all our friends have been super supportive about all we do. I can't undertand when some people can't be happy for others! Even our friends that are getting married in Feb, we went to 2 vendors together which I thought was pretty cool that we can actually enjoy planning together without anyone being jelly. I pretty much try to stay away from people that are debbie downers or 1 uppers
