complete and udder meltdown , long but I need advice please

I never really though it would be so tough to do everything.

So I will try to make this short as possible.

Wayyyyy back in the day of the beginning of the wedding planning, we were going to have the limousines come and pick the bridal party up at my FMIL's house in queens.

BP , some live in Queens, some live in LI, some live upstate, and I have my friend who lives in TN coming down. So we are all over the place.

Since my 2 cousins are in the BP, they wanted to stay at my moms house (their aunt), so they would feel comfortable. I told my FMIL this, and I also told her that her apartment is too small for everyone to be there the day of. She agreed that it was too small.

I then proceeded to tell her that myself, my mother, my sister, my 2 cousins and my friend from TN are going to stay at my moms house the night before and get ready for the wedding there the day of. She then said to me 'I don't sleep over people's houses'. I said 'okay, maybe you can get a hotel' she said 'fine, I will get a hotel and pay for everyone to stay there.' I said 'not everyone wants to do that' so she dropped it, and I haven't heard of it again.

A few months back we were at a party with her friends, and her friends daughter does hair. She was asking me where the wedding was, and where she would have to be the day of the wedding if we booked her. I told her that we are goin to be at my moms house in N Babylon, (while my FMIL was standing right there) my FMIL says 'I thought we were getting a hotel' I said 'no, not everyone wants to do that' and she dropped it.


This morning, I am driving her to work and she says 'I am getting a cleaning lady for 2 days before the wedding.' I said 'why ? ' She said 'so when the photographer comes and takes pics it's nice.' I said 'he isn't cming to this house' she said 'where are the limos going then?' I said 'to my house, and one to this house for the guys'

She said 'you never told me this' got really pissy, and opened the door and said 'you can't keep changing things and not telling me' and SLAMMED my car door in my face.

So now, tell me, was I wrong in any way? Did I not make it clear all along that we weren't going to do what she wanted to do?

I am really emotional right now, and she decides to throw this stuff at me.

I just, I am just so frazzled...I realized after reading another post that I sent my invites out incorrectly. :( I just need a freaking vacation.

Can the honeymoon come before the wedding?? :(

TYIA , you girls always know how to fix situations.

Did you ever tell her that the limos were not going there, just to your mothers house?

It seems like there was a lot of going back and forth. In my short time of wedding planning I have realized things get miscommuniated a lot. I would just try talking to her and clarifying everything. I'm sure it will blow over.

aww it looks like you need a day of no wedding planning.

Since your FMIL didnt talk to you about what was going on with your bridal party, it seems like she was avoiding the issue. Can you ask your FH to talk to her and maybe the guys can get dressed there and have your photographer take getting ready pictures there. It seems that she really want to have someone getting ready there maybe that can be a compromise.

But if I were you, I would let FH talk to her so you can avoid being stressed out. Take time out for yourself, get a mani-pedi, your hair washed or something. I hope everything works out .

Oh and dont stress about the invites, people will throw out the envelope and just keep the invite. No biggie

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Posted by stinenandy2010

Did you ever tell her that the limos were not going there, just to your mothers house?

It seems like there was a lot of going back and forth. In my short time of wedding planning I have realized things get miscommuniated a lot. I would just try talking to her and clarifying everything. I'm sure it will blow over.

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I got the same feeling....Just stand your ground, plan how YOU want your wedding... & try not to snap....lol.....

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Posted by stinenandy2010

Did you ever tell her that the limos were not going there, just to your mothers house?

It seems like there was a lot of going back and forth. In my short time of wedding planning I have realized things get miscommuniated a lot. I would just try talking to her and clarifying everything. I'm sure it will blow over.

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Yup, I did. I left that out in the initial post, but I did tell her that, and now she is flipping out about it.

Her place is too small to have 7 bridesmaids, a 3 year old flower girl, hair and makeup artist, and thep hotographer there. Plus, she smokes in the house, and I don't want my dress to be in that house with all of that smoke. I told her all of this, and now she is blowing up at me.

I told her how I felt, and I told FH how I felt. He said we are going to get an apartment as soon as we get back from the honeymoon. I also told her that I felt disrespected. I told her how she made me feel and I told FH. They both know, now its up to her to apologize and understand that when things don't go the way SHE planned, for MY wedding she shouldn't get upset.

Uughhh so close to the wedding emotions start flying on all side. Call her and play the nice card-- again. Remind her that on previous occasions you two had discussed that some people were going to stay in your mothers house and she agreed to book a hotel for the rest. Tell her that since you will be getting ready in your mother's that is where the photographer will be to take the pictures of YOU getting ready. Be really sweet and tell her that as you mentioned before she is more then welcomed to meet up with you in your mother's house but, you can understand that she will be helping her son get ready. Kill them with kindness. Also remind her every couple of days by asking ' do you need my help to book the rooms'etc. So that she doesnt pull this again.

HTH

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Posted by RadiantBride

Uughhh so close to the wedding emotions start flying on all side. Call her and play the nice card-- again. Remind her that on previous occasions you two had discussed that some people were going to stay in your mothers house and she agreed to book a hotel for the rest. Tell her that since you will be getting ready in your mother's that is where the photographer will be to take the pictures of YOU getting ready. Be really sweet and tell her that as you mentioned before she is more then welcomed to meet up with you in your mother's house but, you can understand that she will be helping her son get ready. Kill them with kindness. Also remind her every couple of days by asking ' do you need my help to book the rooms'etc. So that she doesnt pull this again.

HTH

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She actually doesn't really care about helping him get ready, she wants to be with the girls she said. That is why we started this in the first place.

I have been reminding her to do things and she said 'alright already, I will do it stop asking' so I stop and she forgets...and then I have to do it...she doesn't care. Unless it is about her or her dress, she doesn't care. So this created the problem to begin with.
She has no respect for me, she walks all over me b/c I let her in the beginning. Now I don't let her do that anymore and she hates it. She hates that I talk back to her. I wont let her get away with her little snippy comments anymore. I am a human being too, and I have feelings and she doesn't seem to care about that. I have held it in for too long. I will be nice to her b/c that is who I am, I am a nice person. I just wont let her push me down and try to intimidate me.

Thank you all for your advice...it really means alot.

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Posted by Future_Farrell

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Posted by RadiantBride

Uughhh so close to the wedding emotions start flying on all side. Call her and play the nice card-- again. Remind her that on previous occasions you two had discussed that some people were going to stay in your mothers house and she agreed to book a hotel for the rest. Tell her that since you will be getting ready in your mother's that is where the photographer will be to take the pictures of YOU getting ready. Be really sweet and tell her that as you mentioned before she is more then welcomed to meet up with you in your mother's house but, you can understand that she will be helping her son get ready. Kill them with kindness. Also remind her every couple of days by asking ' do you need my help to book the rooms'etc. So that she doesnt pull this again.

HTH

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She actually doesn't really care about helping him get ready, she wants to be with the girls she said. That is why we started this in the first place.

I have been reminding her to do things and she said 'alright already, I will do it stop asking' so I stop and she forgets...and then I have to do it...she doesn't care. Unless it is about her or her dress, she doesn't care. So this created the problem to begin with.
She has no respect for me, she walks all over me b/c I let her in the beginning. Now I don't let her do that anymore and she hates it. She hates that I talk back to her. I wont let her get away with her little snippy comments anymore. I am a human being too, and I have feelings and she doesn't seem to care about that. I have held it in for too long. I will be nice to her b/c that is who I am, I am a nice person. I just wont let her push me down and try to intimidate me.

Thank you all for your advice...it really means alot.

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Awww man . At this point then you are right throw the being P.C. out the window and just do what you have to do. Let her know that you are the one calling the shots and she has to play by your rules. Have you spoken to your FH about this? How does he feel?

lol Fh wants to move out as soon as possible. He knows how his parents are, he actually told me once that he 'hates' his mother. I know he was upset that day, but I can understand that he dislikes her a little b/c of the way she treats him and other people.

So he feels the same way I do, and he feels terrible that I have to go through this, but we can't really do anything right at this current moment.

I even come home and make dinner for everyone, while my FFIL sits on the couch playing video games, when he comes home in the afternoon before all of us. It's just too much now....I can't wait for it all to be over :)

Does she drive? why doesn't she just come to your house the morning of thats all, she doesn't need to sleep there from the night before. Nobody slept over my house the night before the wedding, they all came in the morning. I live in queens and its not a big deal to drive to babylon.

I dont understand why she doesnt just stay at her own apt though with her son thats whats usually done lol.

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Posted by Espo22

Does she drive? why doesn't she just come to your house the morning of thats all, she doesn't need to sleep there from the night before. Nobody slept over my house the night before the wedding, they all came in the morning. I live in queens and its not a big deal to drive to babylon.

I dont understand why she doesnt just stay at her own apt though with her son thats whats usually done lol.

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Nope she doesn't drive, her husband does all the driving. She never got her license.

I told her she could come to the house the morning of, her husband could drive her. But she said 'just forget it' she just had a fit. so I left it allll alone for months lol

But she still knew what we were going to do from the beginning, she just decided not to listen lol

she did apologize though, and things are okay for now, so we will see how it goes. :) Thank you all for your advice and comments. I really appreciate it.

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Posted by Future_Farrell

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Posted by Espo22

Does she drive? why doesn't she just come to your house the morning of thats all, she doesn't need to sleep there from the night before. Nobody slept over my house the night before the wedding, they all came in the morning. I live in queens and its not a big deal to drive to babylon.

I dont understand why she doesnt just stay at her own apt though with her son thats whats usually done lol.

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Nope she doesn't drive, her husband does all the driving. She never got her license.

I told her she could come to the house the morning of, her husband could drive her. But she said 'just forget it' she just had a fit. so I left it allll alone for months lol

But she still knew what we were going to do from the beginning, she just decided not to listen lol

she did apologize though, and things are okay for now, so we will see how it goes. :) Thank you all for your advice and comments. I really appreciate it.

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just ignore her seriously. I dont get it what does she want you to do lol get dressed at her house, isnt your fh going to be there? or is he gonna be elsewhere. And doesnt she think that maybe just maybe your mom wants you to get ready at your house, i dont even see how she can think otherwise, who does these things.

Just say listen, it means alot to my mom for me to get ready at her house. Everybody will come the morning of, she can ask her husband to drive her there if it means that much to her to be with you while you are getting ready, although she sounds like a pain so not sure you even want her there the morning of just tell your FH to say to her 'mom i want you to be home while i get ready, its the way it should be done'

she is just looking for a way to get attention

Oh totally, I agree, she just needs to be conflicting all the time. That is just in her nature.

She will be at my moms house that morning and she will not start her crap lol I will make sure of it, and now that she knows what is going on with everything, hopefully we will not have any more 'mishaps'.

:)