completely overwhelmed

So from the beginning, it was pretty much put out on the table by my FH that his parents wouldn't be contributing to the wedding. My mom graciously agreed to pay for our RH and FH and I started saving right away to pay for everything else (our credit cards are burning as I type this)

I'm completely frustrated cause it seems FH's parents don't want to do anything for us. Everything they are doing seems half ***, which leaves my mom to pick of the slack. So in the process, she ends up spending more money when she's already contributing so much. Granted, our styles are completely different, they more laid back and us a little more done up, but to atleast offer to contribute to something would make me feel so much better.

If you knew the the whole family dynamic, you would understand the frustrations. They have done nothing but pave the way for FH's younger brother to succeed in sports and paid for all of his training/gear/etc, yet they are being stingy when it comes to our wedding

Anyone else having a similar experience? It's hard to talk to FH about this since it's his family I'm frustrated with...

l will send you FM later (after work) I can relate and I hope we ease eachother frustations

Neither of our families are contributing money, but they are both very much involved helpful when it comes to opinions, support, so Im sorry that you're going through this

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Posted by foodgirl785

So from the beginning, it was pretty much put out on the table by my FH that his parents wouldn't be contributing to the wedding. My mom graciously agreed to pay for our RH and FH and I started saving right away to pay for everything else (our credit cards are burning as I type this)

I'm completely frustrated cause it seems FH's parents don't want to do anything for us. Everything they are doing seems half ***, which leaves my mom to pick of the slack. So in the process, she ends up spending more money when she's already contributing so much. Granted, our styles are completely different, they more laid back and us a little more done up, but to atleast offer to contribute to something would make me feel so much better.

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I basically could have written the above word for word. FH's mom doesn't want to buy a dress, she isn't paying for anything, and worst of all is that she rolls her eyes whenever I bring the wedding up. If she didn't pay for anything, but was just a little nice/constructive about it, I would be fine with it. FMIL and I are very close (closer than FH and her most of the time) but she doesn't 'get' weddings. Its a waste of money, its only one day, blah, blah blah.

Crashing

While both families contributed, my family contributed about triple of what FH's family did

Every time FMIL would say she would do something, she would bail or propose to do it half a$$ed, which I hate. If you say you are going to do something, do it. If you don't think you can, say it, and don't pu$$yfoot around

My mom ended up picking up more slack and dropping another $2000 in the process, which I am grateful for but also a bit upset about

Sorry you are getting so stressed out by this. Maybe you can somehow mention it to your FH w/o being like 'your family ....' In a way that wouldn't sound like you are blaming them and he would get it.

Or nicely explain to his family if they don't plan on contributing that they don't have a say as to the planning.

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Posted by foodgirl785

So from the beginning, it was pretty much put out on the table by my FH that his parents wouldn't be contributing to the wedding. My mom graciously agreed to pay for our RH and FH and I started saving right away to pay for everything else (our credit cards are burning as I type this)

I'm completely frustrated cause it seems FH's parents don't want to do anything for us. Everything they are doing seems half ***, which leaves my mom to pick of the slack. So in the process, she ends up spending more money when she's already contributing so much. Granted, our styles are completely different, they more laid back and us a little more done up, but to atleast offer to contribute to something would make me feel so much better.

If you knew the the whole family dynamic, you would understand the frustrations. They have done nothing but pave the way for FH's younger brother to succeed in sports and paid for all of his training/gear/etc, yet they are being stingy when it comes to our wedding

Anyone else having a similar experience? It's hard to talk to FH about this since it's his family I'm frustrated with...

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I am so sorry you are going thru this. And yes I can most certainly relate. My mom and FMIL (FH's parents are divorced) have contributed. My mom ppaid for my attire the day of and my FMIL paid for DJ and Lighting while my FFIL (the one who has the most $$$) gave us VERRRYYY little. And I do get sooo pist, but what are you going to do. FH always sets me straight and says it was out decision to have this wedding and we should not go in with intention of ANYONE helping us. It is only us...it reallly does help me. And the God to honest truth it is you and FH who decided to have this wedding, in a picture perfect world parents should pay for the whole damn thing, but it is not like that. Good Luck to you

I am so fortunate that both sets of parents helped, and equally thus far. The one thing that set ME OFF was when FMIL said to FH 'well it's the bride's day and her parents should give more than we do' which would be somewhat true IF FMIL did not have a 100 person guest list!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



At any rate, they have kept their promise of X amount so far and I hope it continues. They chose to make some RH payments bc they did not want to write us a check, and as long as they continue doing what they committed to, there wont be any issues.

*breathe*

Edited bc I forgot to say I'm so sorry you are going through this, and I really feel for you.

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Posted by lindseynaggle

I basically could have written the above word for word. FH's mom doesn't want to buy a dress, she isn't paying for anything, and worst of all is that she rolls her eyes whenever I bring the wedding up. If she didn't pay for anything, but was just a little nice/constructive about it, I would be fine with it. FMIL and I are very close (closer than FH and her most of the time) but she doesn't 'get' weddings. Its a waste of money, its only one day, blah, blah blah.

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See, FMIL is the same way. Despite the money part, we get along quite well and I probably talk to her more than FH does, but she treats the wedding like it's mine and not 'ours'. I don't want it to be just my wedding and I try to include FH in all the decisions I make.

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Posted by IrishAli

Crashing

While both families contributed, my family contributed about triple of what FH's family did

Every time FMIL would say she would do something, she would bail or propose to do it half a$$ed, which I hate. If you say you are going to do something, do it. If you don't think you can, say it, and don't pu$$yfoot around

My mom ended up picking up more slack and dropping another $2000 in the process, which I am grateful for but also a bit upset about

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completely relate to this and I'm getting upset too that my mom ends up paying extra. I know she's doing it willingly, but she shouldn't have to

thank you to everyone for responding. Guess all family/future families have problems. I'll push through, but thank you again :)

We are paying for the wedding by ourself. Unfortunately things have changed from the past and many peoples parents or inlaws are not contributing

I know your parents are being generous and you feel his parents should also contribute also but there is no requirements that they have to. Unfortunately people have different priorities and im sorry ut seems luke fh parents rather put their money to the younger brother

Be grateful your mom is helping you

I'm sorry you're feeling crummy and overwhelmed, but know you're not the only one!

FH is the youngest of several siblings for his dad, and his step-moms two children are both married. and so even though they're very happy for us, they're not excited at all, and won't be contribuiting. I expected this but FH is upset about it because apparently his dad paid for a lot of his step-daughters wedding when her own dad is rich.

My mom is so super excited she doesn't understand why his family isn't as excited.

My parents are paying for my dress at the moment. I assume that they will match what they did for both my brother and sister, which is what my mom has eluded to in the past. Which means one or two vendors being paid by them. FMIL keeps saying 'We'll help you with whatever you need', but I am not getting any numbers from her... so its tough.

As of right now, the only thing I am not worrying about is the dress. We've used our own money for the hall and will continue to do so, until someone steps up. And dont get me wrong, my in laws are absolutely spectacular (I am very luckY), but they arent being clear and FH wont ask. LOL

We are taking that 'we're paying for everything' route and will be happily surprised when any other money comes in.

Sorry you are having issues.

I am so sorry you are feeling this way! I know how you feel, and probably will know a lot more how you feel when I get further into the planning process. My parents, who are amazing, are paying for the reception and my day of attire. All the rest falls on me and FH, which can add up to a lot. FH parents are divorced and his dad remarried. None of his parents have offered to contribute and I'm not sure if we asked, they would even say they would. And apparently, FFIL has money, but I wouldn't know since I've only met him twice. I get the feeling that one of my FSIL is a bit jealous of the wedding we will have, and the other was bummed that we were not having it this year. In all, I don't feel like FH's family is as excited as I'd hope they would be. Again, I'm sorry you are feeling this way, but just know you are not alone and we are here for you!

You all have given me a lot to think about and you're right, I shouldn't expect anything. I am very grateful my mom is able to help us out as much as FH wanted to pay for it all ourselves. At the beginning, you just don't realize how things add up.

Feeling much better after reading everyone's post and am very happy to have the support.

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Posted by foodgirl785

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Posted by lindseynaggle

I basically could have written the above word for word. FH's mom doesn't want to buy a dress, she isn't paying for anything, and worst of all is that she rolls her eyes whenever I bring the wedding up. If she didn't pay for anything, but was just a little nice/constructive about it, I would be fine with it. FMIL and I are very close (closer than FH and her most of the time) but she doesn't 'get' weddings. Its a waste of money, its only one day, blah, blah blah.

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See, FMIL is the same way. Despite the money part, we get along quite well and I probably talk to her more than FH does, but she treats the wedding like it's mine and not 'ours'. I don't want it to be just my wedding and I try to include FH in all the decisions I make.

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I feel the same way! I don't want it to be my day, I want it to be our day, but people keep focusing on me regardless of what I want. It really bothers me when vendors direct everything to me and FH just sits in the corner, ignored.

I am trying not to let her lack of enthusiasm dampen my wonderful relationship with my FMIL. Even if I disagree with her, I want us to be close long after the wedding,

Sorry you are feeling overwhelmed. I can relate to the saving part... My FH and I are paying for everything except my dress and the rehearsal dinnerand our cash is burning through quickly! Hope it worlks out for you