Controversial Church Question(Catholic) *UPDATE*

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Posted by Lten10

This is standard procedure to ensure that all people who ever received therapy (who clearly can run the gamut from mentally incapacitated to routine problems) are able to FREELY give their consent to marry in the Catholic church.

Since marriage is a sacrament, they need to ensure your ability to make rational decisions and to be clear that you are making this choice of your own free will.

So I understand that this is uncomfortable but its just standard procedure to make sure that you are not being coerced and that you are capable of making a decision for yourself. You will be fine!!! This is really just a check that the church does for EVERYONE who has ever had a problem like this.

Also, I would recommend you mention to your priest how you are confused why this needs to happen. I am sure he will be understanding and explain the church's point of view clearly.

FM me if I can help clarify in any way.

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we weren't asked for any of this and Fh sees one for over 10 years and does have a condition. I am glad they didn't ask either because that would've upset me. I agree with a letter but records from the doctor, nobody elses business

During our meeting with our priest, he asked us if we were each entering marriage voluntarily. Once we both said yes, that was the end of it.

IMO, asking you to sign a release or even asking to speak with your doctor is crossing the line a bit.

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Posted by Lten10

This is standard procedure to ensure that all people who ever received therapy (who clearly can run the gamut from mentally incapacitated to routine problems) are able to FREELY give their consent to marry in the Catholic church.

Since marriage is a sacrament, they need to ensure your ability to make rational decisions and to be clear that you are making this choice of your own free will.

So I understand that this is uncomfortable but its just standard procedure to make sure that you are not being coerced and that you are capable of making a decision for yourself. You will be fine!!! This is really just a check that the church does for EVERYONE who has ever had a problem like this.

Also, I would recommend you mention to your priest how you are confused why this needs to happen. I am sure he will be understanding and explain the church's point of view clearly.

FM me if I can help clarify in any way.

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I agree. When you fill out the initial form to get married in the church they do ask about counseling, but they don't ask you to sign a waiver to contact your therapist. At least I did not have that experience. When they asked me that question, my response was in what capacity. Do you mean seeing a therapist to deal with daily stresses? They told me no, it would be for much more serious problems where you have gotten to the point of being incapable of making decisions for yourself. So even though I had seen a therapist I responded no b/c that did not fit my situation. They were really nice and just explained what the above poster is saying. I don't think they want to prevent anyone from getting married. In some instances they might require more meetings with your priest or something to that effect. It may differ from parish to parish, but if you are not comfortable saying yes, then just say no. They will not ask you to prove it.

Seeing as how i don't agree with religion and especially the Catholic Church, i think this is rubbish. Who are they to ask such things of you??

It is a sore subject with me, and the fact that they ask these sorts of questions just makes me more angry lol

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Posted by Maria31

During our meeting with our priest, he asked us if we were each entering marriage voluntarily. Once we both said yes, that was the end of it.

IMO, asking you to sign a release or even asking to speak with your doctor is crossing the line a bit.

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YUP same exact thing. We were asked if we are entering this marriage voluntarily and that was the extent of it.

I've never heard of this one.

We were asked the same question that most girls have already posted...if we've ever had any kind of psychological counseling and I asked, 'Does bereavement counseling count?' and the priest said no and that was that.

Yeah.. wow! That sounds so odd. Both my FH and I grew up going to to the same Catholic church and we have not faced anything like that. Neither see a therapist, so I don't know what I'd do in your shoes... but that just doesn't sound right. And I cannot believe the church asked you such a thing.

Find out all the fine details of what they'd be allowed to know about, if there's anything super personal going on.

i have never heard of that. is this a trick question or joke....seriously, maybe another religion but not cathoic

Glad to see this thread I've been wondering if anyone had thoughts on this...
We were asked this question by the Deacon marrying us; I was so offended I was speechless for a few seconds; I am a professional counselor and as part of my master's degree we were required to see a counselor ourselves; I explained this to the Deacon only after he made a big deal that he was going to have to check w/the priest about whether I had to disclose the name of my therapist; he excepted my 'explanation' but what outraged me the most was that on the form there was a section for 'explanation,' as in, they actually were recording in our file the reason I was in therapy. That question led to FH's and my first fight (he is Catholic, I am not, so you can all imagine how that conversation went). It is still a very sore subject and when we went to Pre-Cana I had to hold my tongue and not vent about it all over again...glad I am not the only one w/this reacton (sorry this was so long!)

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Posted by MJDoc12

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Posted by Lten10

This is standard procedure to ensure that all people who ever received therapy (who clearly can run the gamut from mentally incapacitated to routine problems) are able to FREELY give their consent to marry in the Catholic church.

Since marriage is a sacrament, they need to ensure your ability to make rational decisions and to be clear that you are making this choice of your own free will.

So I understand that this is uncomfortable but its just standard procedure to make sure that you are not being coerced and that you are capable of making a decision for yourself. You will be fine!!! This is really just a check that the church does for EVERYONE who has ever had a problem like this.

Also, I would recommend you mention to your priest how you are confused why this needs to happen. I am sure he will be understanding and explain the church's point of view clearly.

FM me if I can help clarify in any way.

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I undertand that it might be some thing they want to make sure you aren't 'coerced' into doing--but a letter from the therapist should be sufficient. The fact that this church is asking for a MEDICAL release and stating they need to speak to the therapist--is taking it too far and they should be able to take the word of the doctor in a letter. That is my huge issue with it.

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From 16 years of Catholic school and coming from a very Catholic family, what Lten says makes perfect sense. Im sure they just want to make sure that you are mentally able to get married.

The part that gets me is that you need to sign a release form!! Why cant the doctor just say that you are able to make your own decisions and that you are of sound mind and can get married Did you ask your priest if a form signed by the doctor is sufficient enough?? Since the church is really hurting for money, im sure if you press the issue alittle you shouldnt have a problem.

to be honest, as it has been handled, this does not sound entirely appropriate to me and I still don't understand why it is necessary. It is different IMO to confide in a pastor/priest about it, by your initiation..... It would even seem, to me, more appropriate for a priest/pastor to ask you in personal conversation and you talking about it IF and to the extent you feel comfortable.... and if not, thats that. I can understand in some ways why a church would ask certain questions around this area (for example, i can sort of understand the question on the form they gave you), and maybe for reasons of it allowing them to care for someone. but the insistence on speaking to your therapist personally and if there is some condition on allowing a couple to marry based on the reason for and content of therapy, i don't understand this and in my understanding, correct me if im wrong, i don't see any biblical reason for it either. this is just my honest initial reaction to what you described.

eta: thx Lten10 for providing clarification...definitely makes a bit more sense now. and then maybe i can see understanding a a general reason for counseling...but getting specific content of sessions is inappropriate, not to mention the therapist wouldn't just give out this info. it just sounds like there are better ways of handling this whole procedure. oh well.

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Posted by IrishBrideASmiling

The part that gets me is that you need to sign a release form!! Why cant the doctor just say that you are able to make your own decisions and that you are of sound mind and can get married Did you ask your priest if a form signed by the doctor is sufficient enough??

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good point!!

Ok I am all late on this but actually ased a priest-family friend who came to our wedding-He said the letter should be sufficient. He had never heard of the release into medical records and he asked if it was because the reason you sought therapy out was svere; as in not just a casual counseling session but involved hospitilazation or anything that might make them concerned for your health.
He said it sounded more like eprsonal interest which he himself as taken from tiem to time in his parishioners but he said if you are uncomfortable do not sign it, and find another church.

The letter should be sufficient.