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Controvertial Issue - Donations

StepherG Posted:

Controvertial Issue - Donations

Check this out. My girlfriend in lieu of a favor is donating to a local charity for her wedding. Pretty normal these days. My other friend thinks this is strange and wants to give her a card for a gift that says, 'In lieu of your gift, I gave to a local charity in your name.'

How would you feel about this?

Thought this was odd and would like to hear some feedback. I guess I never thought of it that way before.
Misty Posted:

Re: Controvertial Issue - Donations

Woe. That is very very odd...and rude. I mean, the point of a wedding isn't for the bride and groom to give the guests gifts. Is she that hard up for a box of chocolate or a picture frame? Sheesh. I know the reverse isn't true either, the point of the wedding isn't gifts, but come on!
StepherG Posted:

Re: Controvertial Issue - Donations

You just made me laugh. I agree. Thought it was VERY strange for her to want to do this and RUDE. People are weird!

shawl Posted:

Re: Controvertial Issue - Donations

I would be very pleased if someone made a donation to charity in my name. I feel privileged to be healthy and, relative to most of the rest of the world, financially secure.

I get the feeling that this is not the reaction your friend (the guest, not the bride) is going for with her message - her proposed note sounds quite snide to me - I'm just fine with folks donating to charity in lieu of a gift - I have more than I need, and, I imagine, so do they.

oneday Posted:

Re: Controvertial Issue - Donations

I think it's kind of - well, very - rude of the other friend. I am guessing she's only kidding? But still, is she that affronted about someone wanting to do something to help others instead of her getting something she may very likely never use? I didn't do a donation myself, but I know people who have and I think it's a very nice gesture. JMO

btrflygrl Posted:

Re: Controvertial Issue - Donations

I would see that as rude...is that friend EXPECTING a favor?? It's not like most favors are so expensive that they are chrished (aside from those that can give frames, crystal or ornaments)...it's a TOKEN OF APPRECIATION for your attendance at the wedding....NOT CONSIDERED A GIFT! Unless the charity has personal meaning....I'd see it as tacky, rude, and pretty much being patronzied.

Xelindrya Posted:

Re: Controvertial Issue - Donations


Too funny. I just posted about this. I must be a mean rude witch, because I TOTALLY understand where this person is coming from. I wouldnt give a card saying that and NOT give a gift, though. Then again, I don't expect favors at weddings I go to. I thought the idea of going to a wedding was to celebrate with them. Being invited (at least here) is a gift almost all on it's own. Giving a gift to newlyweds is a nice gesture and I'd find a way to do it for any wedding I was invited to, whether I made the wedding or not, but that's me.

I do find it slightly 'offensive' (too strong of a word but I can't think of a better one) the idea of donations as a wedding favor. It's very awkward, should I thank you for donating money to a charity in my name? I dunno. It seems strange to me.

But I do LOVE the idea of sending back a card saying 'in lieu of your gift, I donated to your charity' I mean heck.. if you were willing to make a donation, then it must have meant a lot to you anyway, so I'm just supporting the cause already dear to you, right?
LOL

(still, *I* would follow through with a gift, my upbringing demands it)
Nora101004 Posted:

Re: Controvertial Issue - Donations

Does your friend call to see what the favors are then decide what her gift will be?

ChristineC68 Posted:

Re: Controvertial Issue - Donations

We did donations and if one of our guests wanted to make an additional donation - great! (also, we did not give the charity everyone's name since we felt that would violate their privacy)

But I think the reason for this person making the donatation is pretty childish - I am not getting a trinket, so no gift for you

ETS: What if there was no favor at all? Would this person not give an intended gift at all because they didn't get a favor?
halloweenbride04 Posted:

Re: Controvertial Issue - Donations

WOW! That was pretty rude! I agree, a favor is a TOKEN not a gift. And how many weddings have we all been to where we leave with some 'token', while thoughful, will just end up collecting dust or in a drawer. I'd rather see the couple spend their $$ on something that will go a long way like to help a charity. Where do some people get the nerve to say the things they do??

monters Posted:

Re: Controvertial Issue - Donations

Xelindrya I agree with you...
bridget&jimmy Posted:

Re: Controvertial Issue - Donations

Well I am personally doing a Donation and a favor. I think it is a way to honor many people who have died in my family batteling cancer. I am also giving a favor along with the donation. We are giving christmas ornimates and choclates in the shape of support ribbons. I think that donations are wonderful ideas because it can touch the heart of many and the ones it dose not need to search themselves and see why the welfare of other people should not be a concern for all of us. You never know one day the cause that is being donated can knock on your door or someone else you know and if you dont have the money to save their lives and help them live then you too are going to be in the position were you will need the donations of other for your support. I have lost two uncles and have dealt with the battle my father has gone through. And it is sad to know that these three people fought for our country and as a result have developed cancer and their are people out here who would rather have a picture frame then help save the lives of the men who have fought to make the world you live in today, even your freedom to post on these boards about your feelings, a reality.

Just my .02

Bridget
Maribelle7777 Posted:

Re: Controvertial Issue - Donations

Favors are not MANDATORY at weddings. It's a nice thing to and is 'the norm' in this area but it should not be expected. Many areas in the US and other countries do not give favors. Other areas give them and they can range from elaborate to simple.

A gift to the bride and groom is put to good use - whether it is money or something the couple needs. What do most people do with a favor? Throw it in their junk drawer never to see the light of day again.

If your friend is going to go tit for tat, then let her. Actually giving to a charity as a gift is not the worst gift in the world. But if she's doing it to spite the bride, she's being petty.

Oh and this friend should be flattered that someone is giving money that would be spent on some trinket to an organization that actually does put the money to good use.

(I do not mean to intentionally offend anyone that did favors)

ETA: Also, I would be thrilled if someone also donated to the 2 charities I am donating to.

I wouldn't be thrilled if everyone at my wedding did that because, after all, it would be nice to get some gifts, but I also would not complain because one of the charities is the Crohn's & Colitis Foundation of America and if one day doctors can find a cure for both these diseases, to which I can benefit, I would feel that is the greatest gift of all.

But donate for the right reasons, not to be petty.

Xelindrya Posted:

Re: Controvertial Issue - Donations

bridget&jimmy

Sorry but I have to ask. Im not sure I understand you. These people wanted to give to the charity the bride had already chosen instead of giving a gift. Now not know their side of the story we all assume it's because they are being petty for not getting a favor (which even I agree is silly). But if I follow you train of thought (and I think this is where I got lost) then this wouldn't offend you, because they'd be giving to the same cause that was so very dear to you.

JimmysBride Posted:

Re: Controvertial Issue - Donations

She's just being nasty or petty. Wedding favors aren't gifts, they are mementos of the wedding for the guests, so her reciprocating the act of a donation in lieu of a wedding gift doesn't make sense.

bridget&jimmy Posted:

Re: Controvertial Issue - Donations

Yes it would not offend me at all, I would be happy that they took the time out to figure out my favorite charity and donated to them. I think if they are doing it to be petty that is silly, but even if they are the people who need the help will still get it, and in the end that is all that matters. But if they just donated to any charity, that dose not help someone I would be upset. Like I know that their are charities out their that are not legitate that would upset me. Because their are charities out their that pay people to get donations and that makes me mad because really in essence your donating to their pay check. And alot of these people are living large. So I would be mad if they donated to any nonsense of a charity, without checking it out, and if they are doing out of the goodness of their heart and not just to be spitful.

Bridget
dolphin Posted:

Re: Controvertial Issue - Donations

a gift to the guests is usually a couple of dollars.....5-10 I guess. A gift to the bride and groom is at least a hundred per guest in my opinion. There is a difference there! I htink it is not right for a guest to do that!
for the bride and groom....usually guests say 'what am I supposed to do with this?'
violet Posted:

Re: Controvertial Issue - Donations

I don't see what the big deal is about getting favors at a wedding. I could care less about getting a favor at the end of a wedding, but I am going to myself do it. Even if you don't get one, you are eating who knows how much food at a cocktail hour, getting a dinner, drinking however much if you want if there's an open bar, etc. So give me a break.

butterfly20 Posted:

Re: Controvertial Issue - Donations

very rude..... but.....if the bride is doing a donation as a favor then she must feel strongly about some charity and thus would feel honored that more money is being given to that charity...(i think if serious, you friend shouldnt say 'in leu of ', it should just be given as the gift if shes going to do that)

jannshari Posted:

Re: Controvertial Issue - Donations

OK, you said she wants to give a card that says that she gave to a local charity in the bride and groom's names, but is she actually going to give a donation or is she just going to give the card saying that she made a donation?

It sounds like she is doing this to be petty, not because she thinks it's a good idea. I think it also says a lot about what kind of person this 'friend' is to the bride and groom and what's really important (the favor).

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