conversation with my girlfriend

Original post by nrvbrd

Feb 27, 2003 12:51 PM

As most of you know or if you do not know, I decided not to have a bridal party, just a MOH, FG, RB, Best Man and 4 GM it is called King's Wedding from what I am told.

My reason for this is that I love my friends dearly, but these are the most inconsitent females in the world, always late, very picky, and a couple of them are cheapskates.

For the all the reasons listed above I decided to not ask them to be in the wedding because I do not want to deal with the drama that may occur.

Anyway one of my girlfriends said that I was being too presumptious and that it is unfair of me to think they would act this way on the most important day of my life. My response was on a random day I cannot get you girls to meet for dinner on time, how can I count on you to be at my wedding on time.

Honestly, am I being harsh? My FH is going along with my decision even though he does not agree with it 100%. He thinks people will think it looks stupid to see all those guys and one girl.

I want to just keep my sanity.

2/27/03 12:50 PM

nrvbrd Posted: Feb 27, 2003 01:58 PM

Re: conversation with my girlfriend

Wow!!!!

Li Weddings has some of the most open minded women.

You guys are great!!!!

cw0904 Posted: Feb 27, 2003 02:13 PM

Re: conversation with my girlfriend

Keisha go with your gut. You decided to do this for a reason. I know many of your friends are single and unfortunately friends don't understand what goes into wedding planning and the stress unless they are planning themselves.

One of my bestest friends got married recently and I wasn't upset at all that she only had family in her BP and didn't include me. Heck I saw it as less $$ for me to spend. She included me by asking me to read which I was more than thrilled to do so! I also helped her by making sure everything was set up and stuff like that. I was honored that she relied on me for those things. Honestly I think if you are close to your family members they should be the ones that take priority in the BP.

Maybe if you give some of them 'duties' the day of, they won't feel as hurt..

nrvbrd Posted: Feb 27, 2003 02:15 PM

Re: conversation with my girlfriend

Love ya Wanda.

Thanks for your understanding.

CippyLoo Posted: Feb 27, 2003 02:50 PM

Re: conversation with my girlfriend

I don't think you should worry about how the BP looks and I think you should do what makes you happy but it seems that this one friend has expressed a genuine interest and desire to be part of your wedding and perhaps the other girls are just as eager to help you out on your big day. So even if you decide not to have them in the BP ask them to do something else that is special and/or make them as much a part of wedding as they would have been if they were BM, take them dress shopping with you, ask them their opinions on flowers, invites, ect. This way they will still be involved w/out causing you stress.

nrvbrd Posted: Feb 27, 2003 03:01 PM

Re: conversation with my girlfriend

These are good ideas about incorporating them in the wedding but that is not their beef.

They think it is weird to have a wedding without bridesmaids.

Everytime Fh also tells people what we are doing they look at him strangely like *** that is so strange.

Oh well I do not care but everyone else seems to.

wacky Posted: Feb 27, 2003 03:43 PM

Re: conversation with my girlfriend

If thats how you feel, then stick to your guns.

Kings Weddings are very nice and actually will look lovely on your wedding day. Stick to it and enjoy.

Cindy Posted: Feb 27, 2003 04:04 PM

Re: conversation with my girlfriend

I think you are doing the right thing. I dont think you should let them influence you into changing your mind. You might be mad at yourself if you do and if they are not there that much when you really need help.

My bridal party wasnt one that I could count on much either. It was a disappointment at times. My two friends that were in it are good friends, but like you said, at times not too reliable. My MOH was in Fla so she wasnt here for much and my husbands sister was another bridesmaid and we are not close at all.

I say go with your feelings.

reallybehind! Posted: Feb 27, 2003 04:38 PM

Re: conversation with my girlfriend

i thinks it's fine. it's your wedding you should be able to do what you want. but am i stupid or something, did you say your having a moh and bm? isn't a bm a bridesmaid? or am i getting my abbreviations confused? sorry it's probably a stupid question. i was just curious b/c then wouldn't you have 2 girls? anyway, tell your friends to leave you alone, your trying to make things as least stressful as possible and also easier on them b/c they have no responsibilities whatsoever.

nrvbrd Posted: Feb 27, 2003 04:46 PM

Re: conversation with my girlfriend

BY BM I meant Best man.

Thanks for your kind words.

WishCandy Posted: Feb 27, 2003 05:45 PM

Re: conversation with my girlfriend

It's your day - do what you want. You can't make anyone happy... so, just try to please yourself.

Tammy5-03 Posted: Feb 27, 2003 05:49 PM

Re: conversation with my girlfriend

I think its a great idea. If I had to do it over, I'd probably do the same.

LisaT Posted: Feb 27, 2003 05:51 PM

Re: conversation with my girlfriend

I went to a wedding a few months ago that my DH was in. There was only 1 MOH - no other girls. There was a BM (his brother) and four other guys (her brother, his two cousins and a good friend -my DH). I don't think anyone thought it was odd at all. They kept saying they weren't having a bridal party, just a BM, MOH and 'ushers', but the ushers did everything groomsmen would do - seat guests, sit in the first pew, be in the limo, take pictures, get announced into the room, etc.

Don't worry about it! It'll be lovely.

nrvbrd Posted: Feb 27, 2003 05:55 PM

Re: conversation with my girlfriend

Thanks LisaT.

As I said I am very confident in my decision but my friends are not and FH is not so gung ho about it, but I refuse to people in the wedding just to do it.

jpsgirl Posted: Feb 27, 2003 06:20 PM

Re: conversation with my girlfriend

are these lifelong friends? if so, you may be sad some day that you don't have the memories of them being a part of your wedding...
I am so so unreliable, late to everything all the time, and I flake on my friends a lot. It's definitley a personality flaw. However, when it came to my 3 best friends weddings, I did everything right, and I am so glad they gave me the chance. I am not cheap or picky though, so can't comment on that!

nrvbrd Posted: Feb 27, 2003 06:24 PM

Re: conversation with my girlfriend

I have known these girls from Junior High/High School. Amazing right? Some people cannot say that they still have their high school friends.

I think by making the best decisions I was able to keep my friendships intact.

I understand your point jpsgirl, but I really want as stress free and problematic of a wedding that is in my ability to control.

I really just want them to be there and be happy for me and enjoy themselves.

LnP2003 Posted: Feb 27, 2003 06:30 PM

Re: conversation with my girlfriend

It's all about u K - do what you want & forget what everyone else is saying!!!!!!!!

NatalieS Posted: Feb 27, 2003 06:35 PM

Re: conversation with my girlfriend

nrvbrd,

I think we have the same friends!!! LOL. I love my friends to death too but with any group of friends theres always one who is very high maintenace which is one too many and the rest are just flakes... To give you an example of a bday dinner that was scheduled for an upscale restaurant in nyc for a 6:30 dinner. BDAY girl was on time; it was not until 8:30 before everyone showed up. Dinner finished at 11. I'm just surprised that we didnt get kicked out of the restaurant for occupying a table for almost 6 hours!! OUCH.

I think you are doing the right thing with your bridal party but I think you can pull off a bridal party if you you want to have one by giving the bridal party 0% decision power. You pick the dress and color and have your bridal party go for their individual fittings at their leisure; just give more than enough time for your girls to get it done.. Dont forget to factor in procrastination time.

Good luck
Natalie

avesur Posted: Feb 27, 2003 10:57 PM

Re: conversation with my girlfriend

good for you! you made a wise choice!

Cindy Posted: Feb 28, 2003 10:07 AM

Re: conversation with my girlfriend

NRVBRD,
I have two friends from junior high too. One I could not ask to be in the wedding party since I knew she would not be around for anything and she lives out of state and thank goodness I didnt because she called the week of my wedding to say she wasnt coming. Another girl I did have and she was always making things more difficult. For instance, my mom paid, planned, etc my whole shower. All the bridal party had to do was show on time. She showed up forty minutes late and I saw her in the parking lot as I was pulling in. She looked terrible and said she had a big fight with her boyfriend the night before. Give me a break! Believe me I totally stand behind you decision!

nrvbrd Posted: Feb 28, 2003 11:36 AM

Re: conversation with my girlfriend

Thanks for sharing that story Cindy.

Though some feel I may regret my decision, I do not.

I am completely confident in my choice. Doing this will keep these long friendships intact.