Dad-day-of-wedding-problem! Who can offer some helpful advice? : (

Original post by MrsD71208

May 18, 2007 11:07 AM

I am a product of a divorced family, and have had my step-father in my life since I was 8 years old. For years, my dad was absent and my step-father has always been there for me. In fact, my step-father knows me better than my dad. I still talk to my dad and see him, but spend holidays at home with my mom and step-father.

I really want to have both my dad and step-father walk me down...I feel it's fair to honor both of them (the priest agreed with me last night....we had our first meeting and made the date/time official by the way!!!!!! : ) )
Here's the problem:
My brother told my dad this and he was mad..I spent hours hysterically crying. My real dad says that he always imagined walking me down and think that if my step-father has to be included, he should have the second dance and that's it. I am so upset over this and thought about everyone when deciding both should walk me down. I figured that I couldn't hurt anyone's feelings this way. Is anyone in a similar position? Know someone who has been? What would you do? Sorry it's so long.....thanks for your help in advance.

MrsD71208 Posted: May 18, 2007 02:52 PM

Re: Dad-day-of-wedding-problem! Who can offer some helpful advice? : (

Thanks for all your advice. FutureMrsPalomino...isn't it hard trying to make both parties happy? It stinks that because my parents couldn't survive a marriage that I have had to suffer my whole life, and even now on the biggest day of my life :`(

MrsD71208 Posted: May 18, 2007 02:53 PM

Re: Dad-day-of-wedding-problem! Who can offer some helpful advice? : (

MizzDimple...you could basically consider my dad a 'weekend' or 'when it's time to be 'proud' of me' dad. I talk to him often, but can never forget all those years he wasn't there and my step-dad WAS.

Bridex100 Posted: May 18, 2007 03:14 PM

Re: Dad-day-of-wedding-problem! Who can offer some helpful advice? : (

If I were you, I would have your biological father walk you down the aisle (just to avoid drama), esp since your stepfather sounds so sweet and understanding and even told you that he is ok with it.

You should DEFINITELY do something special during the reception to acknowledge how much you appreciate and love your stepfather so he feels special.

I attended a recent wedding where the groom was raised by his mother and stepfather. He introduced his family and thanked his stepfather for making a broken family whole again and gave a beautiful little speech. there was not one dry eye in the room.

mrspalomino148 Posted: May 18, 2007 03:16 PM

Re: Dad-day-of-wedding-problem! Who can offer some helpful advice? : (

Posted by MrsDtoBe

Thanks for all your advice. FutureMrsPalomino...isn't it hard trying to make both parties happy? It stinks that because my parents couldn't survive a marriage that I have had to suffer my whole life, and even now on the biggest day of my life :`(

Aww sweetie everything will turn out perfect! no matter who walks you down that aisle, you'll be gorgeous and I'm sure thats all you will hear on and after your wedding! But it is soo hard to try and please everyone, you have to put yourself first, because it is your day!

My FH keeps telling me to tell you that its your day and don't let your dad change how you picture yourself walkin down the aisle, because eventually when the time comes everyone will be to excited about the wedding and not even remember fighting about who walks you down the aisle!

graezie Posted: May 18, 2007 07:46 PM

Re: Dad-day-of-wedding-problem! Who can offer some helpful advice? : (

if you want both of your dads to walk you then that's what you should do.

good luck, girl!

chrispar Posted: May 18, 2007 07:51 PM

Re: Dad-day-of-wedding-problem! Who can offer some helpful advice? : (

My friend had the same issue. What she did was she had her stepdad walk her halfway down and her dad walk her to the alter to give her away. Then she did a dance with both. But this is your wedding and you have to do what makes you happy. I know that it must be so hard for you.

Snowflake08 Posted: May 19, 2007 02:03 AM

Re: Dad-day-of-wedding-problem! Who can offer some helpful advice? : (

Posted by MikeandJess

ok I am not the product of a divorced marriage but I have to say that it is your day and if you want both your dad and your stepdad to walk you down the aisle then your dad is going to have to suck it up. It's hard not to hurt anyone's feelings but you also don't want to regret not having your stepfather walk you down the aisle b/c you didn't want to upset your dad.

totally agree

ILOVEBRIAN2008 Posted: May 19, 2007 08:43 AM

Re: Dad-day-of-wedding-problem! Who can offer some helpful advice? : (

I know exactly where you are coming from! Im having somewhat similar problems but a little worse lol...my step dad has been in my life since i was 4 and has ALWAYS been the one there for me..my brother and i even call him dad..my real dad when i was a kid would see us regularly for awhile, then not for a year, (sometimes not for a few years) and so on..sometimes he wouldnt even call on bdays..as i got older i think i just realized that my 'real dad' is my step dad regardless of him not being biological..and i still talk to my real dad once in a while (basically see him or talk to him like maybe once a year) so i want my stepdad to walk me down the aisle (he really has been my father my whole life growing up and i dont even think i would feel right having my stepdad sharing it with my real dad cause he hasnt been there at all for me in my life)..so i dont know what to do with my real dad..as bad as it is im thinking about just not inviting him to the wedding..i mean he wouldnt realize either way bc i only talk to him once in a blue moon (he doesnt even know im engaged right now)..and i dont want to invite him, and have my stepdad walk me down the aisle..it stinks to have weird family situations!!

but my advice to u..do what you want..explain to ur real dad that u have become very close to ur step dad and he has done a lot of great things for u as he has, and u want them both to share that honor...bc im sure ur stepdad really does deserve that honor, so i wouldnt take that away bc ur dad wants to do that himself..im sure your real dad will eventually be ok with it bc its your day and he'll want you to be happy also! HTH!

Munchkn16 Posted: May 19, 2007 09:46 AM

Re: Dad-day-of-wedding-problem! Who can offer some helpful advice? : (

Is it possible to talk to your dad and tell him all of this? Or maybe write him a letter to explain?

If your biological father and his family decide to skip your wedding, that's their decision. Was bio dad's family part of your life? If they were, then they know what your step-dad did your you and your brother. If not, then they have no right to judge any decision you make. If your biological father and his family decide to skip your wedding, that's their decision.