Brides Helping Brides ™ - Dad-day-of-wedding-problem! Who can offer some helpful advice? : (

MrsD71208 Posted: May 18, 2007 11:07 AM

Dad-day-of-wedding-problem! Who can offer some helpful advice? : (

I am a product of a divorced family, and have had my step-father in my life since I was 8 years old. For years, my dad was absent and my step-father has always been there for me. In fact, my step-father knows me better than my dad. I still talk to my dad and see him, but spend holidays at home with my mom and step-father.

I really want to have both my dad and step-father walk me down...I feel it's fair to honor both of them (the priest agreed with me last night....we had our first meeting and made the date/time official by the way!!!!!! : ) )
Here's the problem:
My brother told my dad this and he was mad..I spent hours hysterically crying. My real dad says that he always imagined walking me down and think that if my step-father has to be included, he should have the second dance and that's it. I am so upset over this and thought about everyone when deciding both should walk me down. I figured that I couldn't hurt anyone's feelings this way. Is anyone in a similar position? Know someone who has been? What would you do? Sorry it's so long.....thanks for your help in advance.

MikeandJess Posted: May 18, 2007 11:10 AM

Re: Dad-day-of-wedding-problem! Who can offer some helpful advice? : (

ok I am not the product of a divorced marriage but I have to say that it is your day and if you want both your dad and your stepdad to walk you down the aisle then your dad is going to have to suck it up. It's hard not to hurt anyone's feelings but you also don't want to regret not having your stepfather walk you down the aisle b/c you didn't want to upset your dad.

Espo22 Posted: May 18, 2007 11:11 AM

Re: Dad-day-of-wedding-problem! Who can offer some helpful advice? : (

well i went to a wedding recently and the girl had her real father and mother walk her down the aisle and then at the reception she did a dance with both her father and step father

Super2star Posted: May 18, 2007 11:11 AM

Re: Dad-day-of-wedding-problem! Who can offer some helpful advice? : (

Yeah I dont really know what to do either...but its your wedding and whatever you choose they should respect your wishes

KD1279 Posted: May 18, 2007 11:14 AM

Re: Dad-day-of-wedding-problem! Who can offer some helpful advice? : (

This happened to my g/f!!! Thankfully, I cannot stand my step-father, so he will never be a problem in that reguard.
My g/f had ended up having both her real parents walk her down the isle, she danced with both of her fathers, but she danced with her step-dad to that song 'you raised me up... so I can stand on mountains' she said it turned out perfect. sweet.

Best of Luck!!!

B22 Posted: May 18, 2007 11:18 AM

Re: Dad-day-of-wedding-problem! Who can offer some helpful advice? : (

unless your dad is paying for your wedding, i would tell him to shove it.

it is YOUR day...YOUR decision.

MrsD71208 Posted: May 18, 2007 11:25 AM

Re: Dad-day-of-wedding-problem! Who can offer some helpful advice? : (

My mom has been getting really upset and angry at the fact that my dad has the nerve to get offended after all those years he wasn't there for my brother and I. I was hysterically crying to my step-dad last week, saying that I could never imagine NOT having him walk me down the aisle. He is deeply touched and told me if it is going to start problems he won't be offended at all. But how can I do this to a man that married my mom, a single mother of two, and raised us up and then had a child together and raised us all as one big happy family?? If it wasn't for him, my mom would've been alone and probably unhappy....I am so confused and feel so sad. My brother even said that he thinks if I have them both walk me down that my real dad, his brothers and anyone else on his side WON'T come to my wedding.

Chrissywish Posted: May 18, 2007 11:30 AM

Re: Dad-day-of-wedding-problem! Who can offer some helpful advice? : (

Have you tried talking to your Dad and explaining it to him? And although you would have to sugar coat it and not say well you weren't there and he was....can you talk to him and say i'm trying to honor the people who are special to me, and i'm lucky enough to have two father figures in my life blah blah blah

or if your dad doesn't want to share the whole aisle, i've heard of some people (but i guess this works with longer aisles) having one go half way and the other the final half...so your real dad could do the final half to get to do all the lifting of the veil handing you off that stuff, but your step dad is still included

sorry not much more help

LB and DC Posted: May 18, 2007 11:35 AM

Re: Dad-day-of-wedding-problem! Who can offer some helpful advice? : (

Posted by MrsDtoBe

My mom has been getting really upset and angry at the fact that my dad has the nerve to get offended after all those years he wasn't there for my brother and I. I was hysterically crying to my step-dad last week, saying that I could never imagine NOT having him walk me down the aisle. He is deeply touched and told me if it is going to start problems he won't be offended at all. But how can I do this to a man that married my mom, a single mother of two, and raised us up and then had a child together and raised us all as one big happy family?? If it wasn't for him, my mom would've been alone and probably unhappy....I am so confused and feel so sad. My brother even said that he thinks if I have them both walk me down that my real dad, his brothers and anyone else on his side WON'T come to my wedding.

you are soo lucky to have a wonderful, understanding step-father! i am so sorry your dad is putting you through this... i heard of one bride who had her dad walk her down halfway, then her step-dad met them in the middle and walked her down the other half. is that an option? if it were me i might ask your dad why it upsets him now to have your step-dad so included in your life when he didn't seem to mind in the past?

megzzie Posted: May 18, 2007 11:36 AM

Re: Dad-day-of-wedding-problem! Who can offer some helpful advice? : (

It's your day and if you want both your real dad and your step-dad to walk you down the aisle, then that's how it should be. You have to explain to your dad how you feel and why you chose to have him and your step-dad walk you down the aisle.

Good luck!

MrsD71208 Posted: May 18, 2007 11:45 AM

Re: Dad-day-of-wedding-problem! Who can offer some helpful advice? : (

My mom is starting to say that if he keeps it up (meaning my dad of course) that SHE wants to walk me down! Aghhhhh

DananTodd Posted: May 18, 2007 11:56 AM

Re: Dad-day-of-wedding-problem! Who can offer some helpful advice? : (

If it were me, I would have my real dad walk me down ,and honor my step father some other way. JMO.

Megs4 Posted: May 18, 2007 11:58 AM

Re: Dad-day-of-wedding-problem! Who can offer some helpful advice? : (

That is definitely a tough situation. You have to decide what is best for you, and what will make YOU the happiest on your wedding day. Hopefully everyone will understand.

One of my BMs was out of touch with her dad for a long time, and then they reconnected before the wedding, so he was invited (even though originally he was not) but then he was offended that she had her mom walk her down the aisle and did not do a father-daughter dance. But to be fair, a few weeks earlier he wasn't even on the guest list! In the end he left the reception early and complained to people but that was that.

kimNanthony Posted: May 18, 2007 12:02 PM

Re: Dad-day-of-wedding-problem! Who can offer some helpful advice? : (

This is a really difficult situation. I think you really have to do what you feel comfortable with. It sounds like you really want both your dad and stepdad to walk you down the aisle so maybe you can speak with your dad and explain to him why it is important to have your step dad also instead of your dad hearing it from your brother.

mrspalomino148 Posted: May 18, 2007 12:06 PM

Re: Dad-day-of-wedding-problem! Who can offer some helpful advice? : (

I am not from a divorced family, however my FH is, and he is going through something like this with the mother-son dance, because his mom said that she won't allow him to dance with his step-mom...

However, my FH told his mom that its not up to her, and that he wants to dance with her, but if shes going to put him through this, then he will just dance with his step-mom, and his mom threatened that she wont be apart of our wedding.. I personally like the step-mom soooo much better, soo i hope his mom doesn't show hah kidding... But I actually ended up talking to his mom, and worked things out with her, so now while he dances with his step-mom, ill dance with his dad, so it won't be like a spotlight on his step-mom, finally she said ok.

So basically ((sorry this is sooo long)) I think you need to talk to your dad about this, and tell him how your truely feel, because the way you spoke about your step-father I can't see you having your perfect day without him walkin you down as well. Make compromises with your dad as much as you can, but don't make YOUR day about anyone but you and your fh!

Mizzdimple Posted: May 18, 2007 01:15 PM

Re: Dad-day-of-wedding-problem! Who can offer some helpful advice? : (

hmmm....that is a hard situation. But I think I would have to know the extent to your biological dad being in your life. I mean does he have the right to be angry?

JeanetteandSteve Posted: May 18, 2007 01:40 PM

Re: Dad-day-of-wedding-problem! Who can offer some helpful advice? : (

my FSIL was MUCH closer w her grandfather than her father...but she wanted to honor her actual father...so she had her grandfather walk her the first half of the way down the aisle, then they stopped, her father was waiting, and he took her down the rest of the aisle and gave her away.

would he be upset with that?

GinaZ Posted: May 18, 2007 02:05 PM

Re: Dad-day-of-wedding-problem! Who can offer some helpful advice? : (

Maybe you can explain to your dad that this is the best comprimise for not hurting anyones feelings. Hopefully he can see it from your point of view and accept it. Im sorry you have to deal with this! I think having them both do it is a great idea!!