deadbeat bridesmaid (vent)

After a lot of thought and consideration, I asked my former roommate to be a bridesmaid in my wedding. We have been through so much and I wanted my bridesmaids to be a representation of people from all the times in my life. When I asked her she was really excited and was putting a lot of effort into helping me find dresses. Then, I went to look for dresses with another bridemaid and ended up choosing the dress. My former roommate liked and was totally on board. I planned a day to go to the shop and have everyone measured. The day before, I didn't hear from her. The morning of I kept calling and calling, left message and no answer. Finally after hours she finally calls back and gives me some bs excuse about having to be somewhere but she will call when she is done and meet us there. Fine. Unfortunately, or should I say coincidentally, calls just after we left. To make a long story short, she has not gone for the dress yet. Everytime she says she'll go some excuse comes up, the dress sizer is out sick, If I can't go today I can't go til next week, blah, blah, blah. She was supposed to go Tuesday and didn't! I'm just annoyed at her lack of respect and procrastination. I want to get the dresses ordered already. Another Bm couldn't go that day but went that Monday and got it done right away. It may sound like no big deal, but I know her too well, and she pulls this bs when she's trying to get out of something. Now I'm worried. Ugh I'm just so frustrated. Thanks for listening.

Re: deadbeat bridesmaid (vent)

Sorry this is happening to you. It seems like there's one in every bridal party.

I would just straight out ask her if she's changed her mind about being in the wedding and is having a hard time saying so. If you guys are friends, she should be able to tell you how she really feels. If she says she doesn't want to step down, then you need to tell her that you need a little more cooperation from her. Then make her stick to a deadline. And if she doesn't...nuff said.

Hope things improve. Hang in there!

Re: deadbeat bridesmaid (vent)

I think every bride has one of these in their party. Just talk to her, let her know that she cant procrastinate and if she cant do it then you should tell her to step down.

Re: deadbeat bridesmaid (vent)

So sorry for what you are going through!! Definately ask her straight out what the problem is. Its the only way to deal with it. Hope all goes well! Keep us posted.

Re: deadbeat bridesmaid (vent)

MAKE A DEADLINE> I cnnot stress this enough. Tell her that to order that shade of chartreuse or WHATEVAH that the orderr must go out by X day and that you will place the order. If that does not work you need to throw it right out and say - hey do you not want to do this anymore?

Re: deadbeat bridesmaid (vent)

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Posted by DebMaher

MAKE A DEADLINE> I cnnot stress this enough. Tell her that to order that shade of chartreuse or WHATEVAH that the orderr must go out by X day and that you will place the order. If that does not work you need to throw it right out and say - hey do you not want to do this anymore?

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i agree with deb

Re: deadbeat bridesmaid (vent)

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Posted by DebMaher

MAKE A DEADLINE> I cnnot stress this enough. Tell her that to order that shade of chartreuse or WHATEVAH that the orderr must go out by X day and that you will place the order. If that does not work you need to throw it right out and say - hey do you not want to do this anymore?

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Another ditto. sounds like a great idea!

Re: deadbeat bridesmaid (vent)

I completely sympathize....I had asked my old roomate of mine to be in my party, we used to be inseperable...she made up some excuse, which she has done lately with everything (including my b-day) she said she was tired from working and couldn't go...I work the same amt of hours than her, and have a longer commute!!!! She said she couldn't be in my party...due to financial troubles, I didn't get mad, you can't really, but she has not called me since, not asked anything about the wedding..mind you I used to be over her house for x-mas, new years everything!!!! This bridesmaid will turn around, I promise you....she was excited in the beginning, and maybe if u talk to her, she'll realize what shes doing

Re: deadbeat bridesmaid (vent)

Re: deadbeat bridesmaid (vent)

Thanks ladies! I appreciate all the support. It's time to get tough!!!

Re: deadbeat bridesmaid (vent)

Re: deadbeat bridesmaid (vent)

i feel your pain, I have been dreading calling my cousin for the past week to find out where she stands. We had a huge fight 3 weeks ago, the dresses were supposed to be ordered on 10/15, 1 bm called and can't do it and that was fine...it is almost thanksgiving and she still hasn't made any effort. my stomach is in knots, my fh finally said to blame the whole thing on him because he doesn't want her cursing me out again.

Good luck with yours, please wish me luck on mine!!