Dear Non-Catholic Girls using a priest/reverend.. whatver you call them... question (especially for those using one you didnt grow up with)
Xelindrya
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Dear Non-Catholic Girls using a priest/reverend.. whatver you call them... question (especially for those using one you didnt grow up with)
How many times did you have to visit them before the wedding.. mine wants three visits.
No offense but for what?
I figure one meeting should iron out details. Maybe im being odd cause Jim and I are technically already married.
Sassyz75
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Re: Dear Non-Catholic Girls using a priest/reverend.. whatver you call them... question (especially for those using one you didnt grow up with)
We used a Reverand and we were married at the hall- we only had to meet with him 1x.
LADYLUV69
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Re: Dear Non-Catholic Girls using a priest/reverend.. whatver you call them... question (especially for those using one you didnt grow up with)
We will have to meet with the Rev. at least 2 times before the ceremony. I believe they are 30 minutes to a hour a piece.
Xelindrya
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Re: Dear Non-Catholic Girls using a priest/reverend.. whatver you call them... question (especially for those using one you didnt grow up with)
We, too, are getting married at the hall..
I hate to say this..but I just want a priest (reverend actually) because it seems right. Mostly I could care less..
But I hope to god this guy isn't trying to convert us or get us to go to Church cause nothing Tickes me off faster or more than some bible thumping salesman preaching the song and dance of the lord using guilt or obligation as a tool of trade.
I call all men of the cloth 'priests' why? cause they are all the same to me. Men who think they are close enough to God to direct me and others with our worshipping or to guide a community to share. Fine. Ok. No problem.
I read my bible. I got the story and the gist. I live a good life and try to follow the word. I don't believe they are better than me in anyway nor do they deserve any special privilages. Therefore I HATE when they get self-righteous.
I have spoken with Jim, I'm gonna have to suck it up quite a bit to make it through this. But THREE MEETINGS? Jesus! It's like do you WANT me to kill you slowly?
I have no problems sharing my point of view. Im just not willing to because I want an 'officiant' and he's cheap. whoohoo.
Issues...... *sigh*
Lisa Rose
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Re: Dear Non-Catholic Girls using a priest/reverend.. whatver you call them... question (especially for those using one you didnt grow up with)
we got married by a Lutheran Pastor and basically we had out own 'Pre-Cana' with her. We meet a few times...took a test...cant remember the name of it but it told us our strengths and weaknesses as a couple. I thought it was a good thing!
TeeJay
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Re: Dear Non-Catholic Girls using a priest/reverend.. whatver you call them... question (especially for those using one you didnt grow up with)
I'm not a bible-thumper, but I have an opinion...
For a minister or priest--any church--marriage is a sacred covenant between the couple and God. You may not believe in that, but that's certainly what a church believes. To them, it's not just about ironing out the details of who walks down the aisle when or who reads what during the ceremony. They want to know a couple (even if it is just a few times) before they sanction a marriage. They're not just about signing on a dotted line (at least they shouldn't be). Again, you may not buy into that, but if you want a priest or minister officiating, I think it's important to respect where they are coming from.
I personally want to meet with the officiant a few times, so he has some sense of who we are and isn't an absolute stranger performing the ceremony.
But to each his own!
P.s. I'm a non-catholic getting married in a Catholic church.
HearzBellz
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Re: Dear Non-Catholic Girls using a priest/reverend.. whatver you call them... question (especially for those using one you didnt grow up with)
TeeJay makes a very good point. This is serious business to them. Even though you may go through Pre-Cana & such, it is not always with the priest/revered/minister who marries you & most of the time they like to know that the marriage is a good match. BTW, in the Roman Catholic church the priest retains the right to refuse to perform the wedding ceremony if he feels it is unfit.
We met with Fr. Pizzo (our preist) once to book our date & to talk a bit. We are going to see him this Monday to show that we have completed our Pre-Cana, and then we will go a third time (maybe even a fourth) to determine our readings, hyms, prayers, vows, responsals etc.
Then on top of all of that, we will have a RD the night before the wedding.
Edited b/c I can't friggin spell tonight
Xelindrya
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Re: Dear Non-Catholic Girls using a priest/reverend.. whatver you call them... question (especially for those using one you didnt grow up with)
Posted by TeeJay
I'm not a bible-thumper, but I have an opinion...
For a minister or priest--any church--marriage is a sacred covenant between the couple and God. You may not believe in that, but that's certainly what a church believes. To them, it's not just about ironing out the details of who walks down the aisle when or who reads what during the ceremony. They want to know a couple (even if it is just a few times) before they sanction a marriage. They're not just about signing on a dotted line (at least they shouldn't be). Again, you may not buy into that, but if you want a priest or minister officiating, I think it's important to respect where they are coming from.
I personally want to meet with the officiant a few times, so he has some sense of who we are and isn't an absolute stranger performing the ceremony.
But to each his own!
P.s. I'm a non-catholic getting married in a Catholic church.
Back up a sec.. I never said I dont buy into the whole God thing.. point is.. I buy into it too much. I believe whole heartedly in god and my relationship with him.
What bothers me.. is those biblethumpers who think they some how MUST coerce me into being in their church. I have a church its my private relationship with God. I disagree with most churches philosophies on one subject or another. So that somehow makes me weird to them. I dont care. I know my worth and I know my sins and my life.
My point are this: 1. Im already married 2. I love god more than you know, nothing you say will change my mind or improve my relationship which is sacred and mine. 3. Jim has actually learned a lot from me and we feel an outsider will cause me to say things that I believe and I'll be honest, since it's a reverend and all but we don't mean to offend him. 4. What DO we need to talk about in 3 visits.. really???? Think about it? We can iron out details without a visit.. I understand meeting the priest if nothing else than to make it a personalized wedding.. but THREE? 5. MOST IMPORTANT some self-righteous self-involved idiot says he's a priest or any other religious sect does NOT make my marriage a sacred covenant. I do with Jim and our faith in god. Not some guy in black or white with a collar. 6. I WANT a reverand to do the ceremony but not at the cost of my beliefs.
Xelindrya
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Re: Dear Non-Catholic Girls using a priest/reverend.. whatver you call them... question (especially for those using one you didnt grow up with)
added to say.. I have no issue with others and their faiths.. i have issues with people having issues with my faith.
I never tell others they are wrong in their faith with God.. I find it offense that some choose to say I may be wrong.
I'd like to add also none of these replies included mine own upsets me anyway. I find talking about religion is so very chastised these days and it's a shame
I just wanted to make it clear I believe
ChristineC68
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Re: Dear Non-Catholic Girls using a priest/reverend.. whatver you call them... question (especially for those using one you didnt grow up with)
We met with our Reverend a couple of times before the ceremony. The meetings revolved around planning the ceremony and getting to know each other a little and pay him of course. At no point did I feel like they were trying to get me to change my beleifs.
I also met with my florist (and just about every other vendor) a few times- he didn't try to get me to switch careers, they need to meet with you to make sure all of your expectations are met.
jennyhet
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Re: Dear Non-Catholic Girls using a priest/reverend.. whatver you call them... question (especially for those using one you didnt grow up with)
added to say.. I have no issue with others and their faiths.. i have issues with people having issues with my faith.
I never tell others they are wrong in their faith with God.. I find it offense that some choose to say I may be wrong.
Xelindrya--Maybe you are being to quick to judge--Have you even met with the Reverend yet? It is their responsibilty to meet with each couple they marry, and if you want to be married by a priest/reverend, it is expected. This meetings should not be about trying to convert you or your husband--And if any reverend tells you that your faith is wrong, then maybe you should move on to someone else. It is not their duty to judge, and most reverends do not. Don't get worked about about the meetings--It's normal. My father (who live in New Orleans and is a Reverend of in an inter-faith church) is performing my ceremony at an Episcopal church here (neither FH or I are Episcopal--we are inter-faith), but we still have to meet with the Reverend of the Episc. church 4 times even though he is not performing the ceremony.
Don't worry so much about it----It should be fine!
TeeJay
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Re: Dear Non-Catholic Girls using a priest/reverend.. whatver you call them... question (especially for those using one you didnt grow up with)
I never meant to question your personal faith or your “buying into the whole God thing.” My point was about your buying into the whole idea of having a reverend perform your ceremony. Because I personally don’t think you can have it both ways – you said “I just want a priest (reverend actually) because it seems right. Mostly I could care less…” -- but then you seem put out by what they ask of you in order to have them as part of your ceremony. If you want them to respect where you’re coming from, I think you need to respect where a reverend is coming from and the way they handle performing marriage ceremonies. Just my 2 cents.
And 2 more cents...I think part of that respect is -- as Jennyhet pointed out -- giving a reverend the benefit of the doubt that they won't try to coerce you, covert you or lay some guilt trip on you. And if you meet with an officiant who comes across as a “self-righteous self-involved idiot” then leave and find someone else whom you can respect.
At first I was nervous as a protestant meeting with the priest of my FH’s RC church. He told us he performs marriages between catholics and buddists, catholics and jews, catholics and hindus, etc. This is not some particularly liberal RC church. He's never questioned me about the details of my faith and beliefs. Maybe that’ll come up more in pre-cana, but even then, the fact that the priests at this church perform ceremonies with people of such divergent faiths is a pretty good sign they aren’t delving too deeply into philosophical differences.
I agree with you that it’s a good thing to talk about religion and have this open dialogue!
Sassy
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Re: Dear Non-Catholic Girls using a priest/reverend.. whatver you call them... question (especially for those using one you didnt grow up with)
Hey Veronica
Have you had one meeting yet?
I got married in a Methodist Church - we are technically 'Baptist' and belong to other Churches. I really like this one and decided to get married here.
The Pastor was wonderful. We had 3-4 pre-marital 'counseling' sessions that consisted of mainly what to expect, and things we might encounter as a married couple,as well as giving the Pastor a chance to know who exaclty he was marrying. I felt good and positive about the whole experience.
Never, not once did he try to convert me to his religion or his Church. Maybe you're jumping to a conclusion?
I would try to have an open mind, what you are describing that he's asking seems pretty much norm to me. Most Pastors, preaches, reverends, etc. . .. . will want to get to know the couple and give them whatever knowledge they have. That is part of their duty. For them, it's not all about getting their fee.
Maybe have an open mind and if he disappoints you, then look elsewhere?
What do you think?
Maribelle7777
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Re: Dear Non-Catholic Girls using a priest/reverend.. whatver you call them... question (especially for those using one you didnt grow up with)
I think I have to meet with mine again once more before the wedding. But he didn't say we had to see him x amount of times before the wedding. Meeting him twice would suffice, I think. Maybe he wants to get to know you a bit so he can write a nice homily/sermon for the wedding?
ETA: I have known the Monsignor for many years so maybe that's why we don't have to have official meetings with him. I'm assuming that neither you nor Jimmy have known your priest from before? I think it might be that he does want to get to know you a bit, and I think that that is nice. I don't think that for a religious ceremony I'd want to be married by a complete stranger.
