ok i seriously need help and opinions...this is the thing: i invited a few girls that i lived with at college (4 girls) to my engagement party...3 of them said they were definitely coming to the party, and they did not show up (some lame excuse, one didn't even have one)...the other one had a wedding that day which was understandable and she told me (my roomate)....so these girls i was close with, what was this, 4-5 years ago...i had a feeling they weren't going to show up..it was pretty messed up bc we did pay pp for the party i don't really talk to them that much anymore...
should i invite them to the wedding? i'm afraid they are going to pull this ish on me again...and this time, it would cost me A LOTTTT of money if they said they would come just to say it and not come...and i'm actually really upset with them for doing this..and we need to cut down our guest list hard core...what do you ladies think? i'm so confused
stinenandy2010
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Re: deciding on who to invite..need help!
I am the same issue for my eparty as well. I spoke with my mom about it bc I felt really hurt that my 'friends' would do this to me. She said I should still invite them bc their parents are invited since they are close with my parents.
Basically, if you have no other ties with these girls, I would not invite them. This is a happy time for you and all your friends should be celebrating not making up lame excuses.
JenBill61210
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Re: deciding on who to invite..need help!
if i were you i would cut them from your list. You're not close with them and obviously they didn't think much of anything skipping out on your e-party... you dont want to have to spend extra money pp on a bunch of no shows at your wedding! that is just so rude.
bkbaby4life
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Re: deciding on who to invite..need help!
since ur trying to cut ur list down......i would def not invite them.
if you do end up inviting them..i wouldn't worry about them being no-shows. i think they will take a wedding invitation more seriously than an e-party (our one would hope)
christophersgirl
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Re: deciding on who to invite..need help!
i'd probably cut them or put them on my 'C' list haha
amandah75
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Re: deciding on who to invite..need help!
If there is any question on whether or not to invite them, i wouldn't invite them. you should have an overwhelming feeling of needing them at your wedding. I would have to say no based on that and the fact that you are trying to keep the number down.
christine2010
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Re: deciding on who to invite..need help!
if you can make your minimum without them don't just cut them off your list.
BluAngel93
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Re: deciding on who to invite..need help!
I had a similar situation for my e-party where there were some people that didn't show and some that just never rsvp'd despite my trying to contact them (i hate that!). My thought on it was that, as long as they were given plenty of notice to the party (which they were), it really ***** that they couldn't find the time to come to something that was so important to me (mine was pretty casual so the money didn't factor in for me)...since they couldn't be bothered, i didn't take them off my list completely, but i definitely bumped them to my B or C list (depending on who they were). If cutting people is a must, then they'll be your first to go.
It's going to be your big day and ultimately, you're going to want the people that really care about you to be there (not to say that those girls don't care, but usually actions speak louder than words)...if they did this again at the wedding, it would probably be equally as frustrating for you. I would say to bump them towards the bottom of the list and if you want to invite them but avoid a repeat performance, talk to them and let them know how you feel...they might not realize your concerns. Good luck!
Evidently they blurb out 's u c k s' now...hmmm
MrsDrinkh20
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Re: deciding on who to invite..need help!
sorry to crash...i am having some similar issues but 'etiquette' (which i dont usually care about) states that the people you invite to the engagement party should be invited to the wedding...i don't know if it differs because the girls didn't show up but I just figured I would throw it out there for you!
FallBride2010
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Re: deciding on who to invite..need help!
Posted by MrsDrinkh20
sorry to crash...i am having some similar issues but 'etiquette' (which i dont usually care about) states that the people you invite to the engagement party should be invited to the wedding...i don't know if it differs because the girls didn't show up but I just figured I would throw it out there for you!
I was recently having this discussion with my friend. She gave me the whole proper etiquette speech...however, I feel like if the person just blows off your party without advanced notice or a really good excuse -- proper etiquette has already been thrown out the window. MANY people in FH's family didnt show up for our e-party...some just outright never responded...some responded and never showed up. I am very close to cutting them off the list. This is your day...and not a cheap on...so I wouldnt feel like you have to include people that dont show they care
RedsBride
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Re: deciding on who to invite..need help!
I have had similar things happen to me with my friends from college. They aren't acting like real friends if they did that to you...aside from the one that had a wedding to go to. So maybe just invite her. But I wouldn't waste my time or money inviting the others. It's a hard decision and it hurts sometimes to have to see those people that way but they are the ones that put themselves in a bad situation with you. Not your fault.
rocketsummer17
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Re: deciding on who to invite..need help!
if i were you, without a doubt I would cut them from my list. If/when the time comes that you are under your minimum, then i would possibly think about just so you have someone to fill the seats.
There were alot of people who never responded to my eparty and guess what, the ones who couldnt find the time to respond to the party (and to even say congratulations...) wont be getting an invite...family or not. Guess i just wont be able to find the time to bring their invites to the post office...its a busy schedule planning a wedding, dont know where I will ever come up with the time...
kater08
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Re: deciding on who to invite..need help!
Posted by MrsDrinkh20
sorry to crash...i am having some similar issues but 'etiquette' (which i dont usually care about) states that the people you invite to the engagement party should be invited to the wedding...i don't know if it differs because the girls didn't show up but I just figured I would throw it out there for you!
I don't think you need to worry about 'etiquette' here because etiquette also states that you attend a party that you RSVP'd YES to!!!!
I wouldn't invite them...and if you really don't talk to them anymore now, do you think you'll be talking to them much in 2010??
However I wouldn't totally blow off the one who actually had a valid excuse that day. Not fair to punish her for the actions of others.
Goldie39
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Re: deciding on who to invite..need help!
If I were you, I would only invite the one who let you know in advance. Put the other girls on the B list if you're still unsure and just keep an eye on how they act towards you over the next year. 4-5 years is a long time and even though you may have been close with them in the past, you are not obligated to invite them to your wedding. That was really shady how they didn't come to your engagement party, you have every right to be upset.
TessMike621
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Re: deciding on who to invite..need help!
thanks everyone for your advice, i really needed it!
i was definitely still going to invite my friend (old roomate) that told me she couldn't make it
as for the other girls i am going to put them on the B or C list, but when you do that, what do i do about save the dates?
i was worried about etiquette, but your right they didn't follow proper etiquette by telling me that they were coming and did not even show up...even the ones with the excuses could have at least called me that day to tell me that they weren't going to make it!
i dunno...i guess i have some time...i may just confront tell and tell them how i feel..
thanks again for all your help! mwaaa
Yankees2323
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Re: deciding on who to invite..need help!
i wouldnt invite themm if they are 'friends' they would of told u ahead of time they werent gonna make it... just knowing ur paying like $100+ pp at the wedding n they did this thats like $500 that was just wasted on these people.. i wouldnt do it
DnT2010
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Re: deciding on who to invite..need help!
i wouldnt invite them.. how rude are they?? or better yet.. B list them.
christophersgirl
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Re: deciding on who to invite..need help!
i wouldnt even worry about sending them an STD, STDs are nice to have but not everyone sends one out...so if they're already B and C listed just cross that bridge when you get there, if there is room for them great, if not oh well :)
