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Feeling guilt too

I know it seems selfish to be thinking about my wedding while there is so much pain and suffering going on around me, and Kathi, it`s happening directly to you. I had been feeling guilt much of yesterday when thoughts of my wedding crept into my head. I did for a moment think maybe we should consider postponing. However, I spoke to several members of my family and a close friend, and they said no. I believe the overwhelming majority of people feel we all need to try to get back to our 'regular' day to day living. There is no question it will be more difficult for some than others. But part of me also feels I don`t want to put off the wedding .. just in case. I said to my fiance, if something were to happen to either of us or both of us, I`d rather have just one day of being his wife, than missing our chance, our scheduled date. I spoke briefly to my pastor today, who will be performing the ceremony, and I told him I was having feelings of guilt, and he reassured me and made me feel better about moving forward through our plans. I worked on completing our ceremony program, and loved the way it turned out .. and a glimmer of excitement did break through. I also spoke with our photographer/videographer and DJ. There is little difference in how we are all feeling about this .. tremendous sadness has swept over all of us. While no one is trying to disrespect those who are struggling through this terrible time, and we are all hoping for miracles, slowly people are getting back to their routines. We have said this before in other situations, but you may want to consider how you would feel if you passed just weeks before a schedule wedding of loved ones. Would you want them to postpone? There is no doubt this special woman is going to be on the minds of so many, but let your families come together in the celebration of your love for one another. Let the love between you and your future husband keep you strong at this time, and rely on your family and friends to give you the added strength and support you will need.

Don't postpone

I really think you need to have your weddings unless, of course, a close family member has been effected by this tragedy. One of my parents very good friends stepson is still missing. He even called his mother from the building and told her that he loved her and that he was not going to make it out. His brother is getting married in two weeks. I think they will have to postpone under the circumstances. I agree with Kel, this event makes you feel even more blessed. It is not disrespectful to continue with your plans. It is telling the evil, horrible people who did this that we will not let them take our lives. Be bless and have a beautiful day. You deserve that.

Agree with Kel

I am getting married next weekend and I know what you mean about the guilt. But we do need to move forward and not allow these maniacs to rule our lives. That is what they wanted and if we change what we do, then they win. That is not acceptable. Yesterday we went and got our marriage license and also went to see our photographers. One of them has a daughter who works there and got out safely. We talked to her for quite a while and the feeling that we got is that no one invovled wants to let the bad guys win. I have to say I felt better after that. Tonight we go to make our final payment and drop off all our stuff. I am hoping that will bring the excitement back about what should be a joyful day. I think you shouldn't postpone Kathi, but remember with the joy your fiance's aunt. What better what to celebrate her life?

Don`t postpone

I agree with others. Unless you lost a close family member or friend do not postpone your wedding. As hard as it is going to be we have to keep going. If we don't these madmen and the people backing them will have won. We have to bounce back and keep going. Do not feel guilty for being happy about your wedding or for having a wonderful day, you and all your family, friends and guests deserve it. It will give people something to look forward to and it will show that there is a future for all of us and it gives up hope for the future.

Great post Kel! I agree 100% *NM*

I agree - beautifully said Kel! *NM*

You wed day= celebration of LUV and will uplift spirits! *NM*

I know how you feel !!

My wedding is also in 3 weeks -- and I have lost that feeling ! All I keep thinking is ' how can I celebrate during such a horrible time'. All of the wedding nerves and problems seem so small compared to whats going on in our backyard. I know we should keep going -- but it is hard, and I am scared.

Don`t postpone

I think you need to go ahead with your plans, and celebrate a beautiful time in your life.

Don`t postpone

My fi thinks we should postpone our wedding planned for this Saturday. Our reception was/is supposed to be in Brooklyn, a loft overlooking the Manhattan skyline, which is not rubble and a smoky mess. Do we go on? Do we postpone? Will that awful smell affect our party? Is there a right answer?

Don`t postpone!!!

Terrorism is effective when it makes you afraid to live your life. If you postpone, then they win and you lose. You lose your freedom and let fear and sadness dominate your life. Weddings first and formost are about bonding and unity, sharing and love. The excitement may not be there to the same degree, but the strong sense of committment and bonding will be all that more intense, and if you were to postpone, the new date would always carry with it a memory of this awful event whereas with time, the connection between this event and your wedding will fade from memory. Your weddings will be an opportunity for your families to be together and refocus thoughts on the good things in life - give them that gift.

My wedding is Sunday!

My FI's very good friend is still missing and presumed dead. He is a fireman. We have such heavy hearts. I don't really know what to do.

My wedding is Sunday!

My heart goes out to you Laura. How difficult a decision this must be for you. All you can do is believe that your fiance's friend would want you to go on and have your wedding the way you were supposed to. I am sure that it will be tough to put aside your grief, but our lives go on and you honor your friend by living yours to the fullest.

Feeling tremendous sorrow & guilt ...It can be positive.LONG

Kathi, (and anyone else thinking of cancelling due to losses of loved ones.or this tragedy among us in general.) I want to share a story that will stay with me forever..I know this story is nothing in comparison to what we are now going through, but it just came to mind, and i thought i'd share it. I feel that you should not cancel your wedding plans. This is a special moment in time that you should cherish. There are things you can do to feel better about going on... My wedding was last year and my husband's cousins had just lost a loved one. (father/husband/grandfather). They responded that they were not coming to the wedding.(10 of them)How could they possibly enjoy themselves at a time like this ? We were completely understanding of this and we were also sad that they wouldnt be there to enjoy our day with us. We felt horrible that they were going through such a tough time. Weeks before the wedding, they all decided to come. They said they all spoke about it, and felt that Uncle Al would have wanted them to be at this precious occasion with family. They felt it was more of an issue of time spent with family than time spent 'partying'... They were very happy to be there. Of course during my dance with dad, they were very emotional and if we just looked at them tears rolled. The hurt was still fresh and we could feel it. What we did to do honor uncle Al was to have his name mentioned in our wedding program. This touched the family beyond words. They had no idea we did this. They look back at the wedding and said it was therapy for them. It was the beginning of an incredible healing process. It was the best thing for them at that time in their lives. **I'm sure that your weddings will bring emotional moments and times where people will probably savor life and love more than ever before..** About 2 months after the wedding, we went to a holiday get together at the home of one of these cousins. 2 days after the party, their brother (one of the 10 that came to the wedding) passed away in his sleep. This completely devastated the family..and they realized more than ever that these get togethers, weddings, etc. were happy memorable times... So please dont feel guilty. Enjoy your wedding day. Maybe you can mention this tragedy in your wedding program (or a loved one that was there). Maybe you can place the American FLag somewhere at the reception or ceremony.. Just a few ideas that I thought might make the day more peaceful for you in your hearts...You deserve to honor your love for your fiance and share it with your fmailies and friends. God Bless You all. Anna

Re: Feeling tremendous sorrow & guilt ...It can be positive.LONG

Don't postpone, hang in there

Re: Feeling tremendous sorrow & guilt ...It can be positive.LONG

I am TOTALLY confused. Was this just bumped up today for some reason?

Re: Feeling tremendous sorrow & guilt about upcoming wedding...

Michele-- It had to have been bumped up... She got married in October of 2001, so the original posting was in reference to 9-11....

Re: Feeling tremendous sorrow & guilt about upcoming wedding...

Yikes!!!!! This *was* last year's post!!

Sad memories.