He actually lied to me about going to the bar on Monday. And he had lied about being there last Thursday. This is when he had also went there on Tuesday, Friday and Saturday. It is bad when he has to lie about it. I'm just so depressed. I don't think I can even stay with him because now I can't trust him since I see how he lies, and I have to catch him in them in order for him to admit that he was lying. And I don't want to be with a frat boy who needs to go to the bar almost daily. If he goes once or maybe even twice a week, fine. But I just don't know what to do now.
nrvbrd
Thread views: 4,150
Member since
Re: Depressed About Things with FH
Posted by NYCHICK
Posted by violet
I don't feel like I can trust him anymore. He's lied before. I will just always have doubts.
very BIG ISSUE.........
Only YOU know what needs to be done.
endlessluv429
Thread views: 4,150
Member since
Re: Depressed About Things with FH
I'm sorry you are going through this. You are smart to see it as a problem though and not chalk it up to 'oh, he's a guy guy' (I have a couple of friends who love doing that) anyway, you definetley have to talk to him and make him realize the seriousness of this situation and of his behavior. I hate to get all Dr. Phil on you but 'You teach people how to treat you' don't let him get away with the lying and the deceit now, because he will just keep hurting you. we are here for you sweetie!
MizStinker
Thread views: 4,150
Member since
Re: Depressed About Things with FH
I think maybe you guys need to sit down and go over this again. Let him know that his dishonesty is the real issue, and that you are not putting up with it, and that it is making you question your relationship.
My FH Knows that if I catch him in a lie there's gonna be he77z to pay. (Please refer to my fighting in public thread.)
I hope everthing works out for you!
halloweenbride04
Thread views: 4,150
Member since
Re: Depressed About Things with FH
I agree with the ladies. FH likes to gamble (mostly play poker) and I give him a hard time about it because we should be saving our $$ even if it means he might win more of it. Anyway, I found out he went to Foxwoods and NOT the Mets games like he said, I was furious and felt the same way you do. After having a serious discussion, he said he lied because he knew I'd be PO'ed and would give him the silent treatment for days if he told me. Men thing in a warped way sometimes, just sit and talk (rationally) with him and make your decisions then.
violet
Thread views: 4,150
Member since
Re: Depressed About Things with FH
Thanks for all the advice. I am e-mailing him to his phone because I don't even want to talk to him. I am saying I don't know if I even want to get married because I don't want to if I have doubts about things. And that it is a big deal that he lied, and it's not the first time, so everytime he says something, I'll be wondering if he's saying the truth or what.
NovemberSue
Thread views: 4,150
Member since
Re: Depressed About Things with FH
I think you should sit down and have a real serious conversation explaining to him that you both need to be totally honest with one another. Tell him that its ok to go out with his friends once in a while but he needs to be truthful about it. If you don't have trust in the relationship, what do you have? Tell him that you were also very hurt that when you had a tooth pulled, he went out instead of checking on how you felt. Communication is the key and its very important that you have that with one another.Good luck.
kmcwed
Thread views: 4,150
Member since
Re: Depressed About Things with FH
x
wenndypoo
Thread views: 4,150
Member since
Re: Depressed About Things with FH
Oh Violet, you have some serious and valid points here. The girls have given good advice. You have alot of thinking to do, and nows a good time to do it, before you get married. I wish I had something more to offer, just know you have support here
Good luck.
swags1016
Thread views: 4,150
Member since
Re: Depressed About Things with FH
Please make sure that you talk these things out BEFORE you get married. To me, and this is just my opinion based on the little that I read, it seems that he is not ready for the commitment of marriage. Not putting you before the bar and his buddies is a big issue. Lieing is another HUGE issue.
Many Many hugs to you. Search your heart the answer is always there.
beachgirl13
Thread views: 4,150
Member since
Re: Depressed About Things with FH
I'd be having some serious trust issues. I'd be really suspicious. I don't get why he has to lie, it doesn't add up.
Good luck!! hang in there!
NuBride
Thread views: 4,150
Member since
Re: Depressed About Things with FH
Anyone who is in a bar 3 or more times a week and lying about it has a problem. Naturally, he will be the last person to admit it, and will tell you that YOU are the one with the issue--that you don't trust him, or should lighten up, or are too sensitive, etc., etc.
Violet you better read KMC's post over and over and over again, she is right and your gut is also telling you that this is NOT right and IT will not change by an 'I'm sorry' you deserve so much more. Good Luck to you.
violet
Thread views: 4,150
Member since
Re: Depressed About Things with FH
I will see later when I talk to him. Thanks everyone.
bride2B04
Thread views: 4,150
Member since
Re: Depressed About Things with FH
good luck Violet keep us posted!
violet
Thread views: 4,150
Member since
Re: Depressed About Things with FH - Update
When I got home, I just still didn't even want to talk to him. He was moping around and kept apologizing and said he wouldn't lie about it anymore because he sees how much it hurts me, and he just didn't want me to get mad. He said he won't go to the bar that much anymore. I just still ignored him because I was pissed off. Then I said something like, who knows if you lie about cheating, but then he got mad, and said that wasn't fair to say, and that's the one thing he won't take because he would never do that. He said it is usually mostly guys that are at the bar when he's there when I asked why he is always at the bar which is true. I don't know why I pulled that at out of my ***. But then he was mad at me, but I wasn't going to apologize about that because I was still mad about his lying, so yeah, nothing was resolved last night, and we're just not talking right now.
Sage10.03
Thread views: 4,150
Member since
Re: Depressed About Things with FH - Update
Posted by violet
When I got home, I just still didn't even want to talk to him. He was moping around and kept apologizing and said he wouldn't lie about it anymore because he sees how much it hurts me, and he just didn't want me to get mad. He said he won't go to the bar that much anymore. I just still ignored him because I was pissed off. Then I said something like, who knows if you lie about cheating, but then he got mad, and said that wasn't fair to say, and that's the one thing he won't take because he would never do that. He said it is usually mostly guys that are at the bar when he's there when I asked why he is always at the bar which is true. I don't know why I pulled that at out of my ***. But then he was mad at me, but I wasn't going to apologize about that because I was still mad about his lying, so yeah, nothing was resolved last night, and we're just not talking right now.
Although your 'cheating' comment might not have been the best thing to say....Don't let him turn this around on you... Although I know resolution needs to be made, he's the one that lied to you - not the other way around...
Good Luck!
NYCHICK
Thread views: 4,150
Member since
Re: Depressed About Things with FH - Update
Posted by Sage10.03
Although your 'cheating' comment might not have been the best thing to say....Don't let him turn this around on you... Although I know resolution needs to be made, he's the one that lied to you - not the other way around...
Don't let him turn things around on you. Seems like you both just need a little time to cool off before you can sit down and talk this out. Good luck.
kmcwed
Thread views: 4,150
Member since
Re: Depressed About Things with FH - Update
x
violet
Thread views: 4,150
Member since
Re: Depressed About Things with FH - Update
Yeah, I am not letting him turn things around on me. I will say I really did not mean the cheating thing, but I am still upset about the lying, so I'm not going to be the one saying 'oh please forgive me.' I'll tell him he always tries to turn things around on me.
Yeah, I will especially watch his actions. Luckily, the bar is only a few mins. away, so I can easily know if he's there. Unfortunately, since it's so close to the apartment, that's why he's there more often than if it was farther away.
