Depressed-- VERY LONG

Normally, I love this website...and I still do. Lately though, I feel like it just depresses me in some ways.

Everytime I come on here I see that someone is buying a house. Someone else is planning a tahitian honeymoon. Someone else has booked the hall of my dreams that I couldn't afford. Someone else bought a designer gown.

I'm sooo happy for these girls, and I know if I could be doing these things I would be out there sharing it with the worls. But, I can't.

I work a full time job and waitress 25 hours or more a week. FH and I live together in a teeny tiny little apartment that we pay for. My parents are contributing to the wedding, but his can't give a dime as they are in trouble financially as it is.

Even FH can't help as he has to get on track with his own finances, only works 4 days a week (goes to school for work the 5th day, it's union school and he doesn't get paid for that day. As a matter of fact, he has to pay over $200 for books every 4 months, buy his union card for $175 every 6 months) He works a 2nd job, but it isn't that lucrative, although it is something that he loves doing and it makes him happy. He picks up side work when he can, but it isn't a steady income.

We haven't been getting along fabulously lately because he doesn't seem to realize how much I am doing to pay for our wedding. He says I'm always miserable (not true) I'm just stressed out, tired and worried. He doesn't even think about the wedding. He says he can't wait to marry me, but has no interest in the wedding itself.

He is insisting on getting a priest to marry us because we aren't getting married in a church.
(We are having our ceremony on site) He says his mother won't come if we get married by a minister or a justice of the peace.

I say, if his mom wants a priest so bad, she should be willing to pay for it. (NEVER gonna happen, they just can't) I've left it up to him to find and pay for a priest.

So, it just makes me sad and wonder what I've done wrong when I see that some girls can afford a new house, an expensive hall AND a tahitian vacation.

Sorry, just had to get this out there.

Don't stress... as long as you're happy with what you have between you and your FH that's all that matters. Some people are just able to afford more than the person next to them. Weddings aren't cheap, believe me I know, but just enjoy the things in life you have and what you can afford. Living on LI or NYC doesn't help with the pressure factor on what type of designer gown to get or what type of place to get married in. Everyone has their own hard issues with money, expenses, etc..nothing is perfect and if some girls are throwing things in your face about their tahitian HM then leave it be. Just as long as your happy and love your FH then the rest will all come into place. Here's a hug

I'm sorry that you feel depressed and are also stressed out...you and FH really need to sit down and talk and go over your finances, etc. Don't lose sight of the big picture - that you are going to be husband and wife!!

FH and I are also paying for our wedding ourselves and recently were lucky enough to buy a house...it's not easy but we are struggling for it and know it will all be worth it. We are both established in our careers and that obviously helps out a lot.

At the end of the day whether you have a huge wedding, honeymoon or house it doesn't matter....money doesn't buy happiness....as long as you and FH are happy that's all that matters.

HTH

I'm sorry that you are having a rough time, and just know that this is a part of life, and it is tough. Everyone has different circumstances, so not everyone can afford a new house or new things.

Everyone has things that they get overwhelmed about, we all do on here. You will figure it out, and it will all fall into place. Life doesn't throw anything at you that you can't handle.

You'll be ok, just keep plugging on, and if you need anyone to talk to, just let us know.

Hang in there, and just know that there are PLENTY of us out here who feel the same way you do. You just have to step back, take a look at the big picture, and appreciate what you DO have, what you WILL have, and the ultimate goal.

You're both on the right track - hard workers, getting an education- hang in there, its the best you can do right now.

Things will look up soon enough - I promise!

I'm dealing with an unemployed fiance - we have 2 tuitions to pay, and we signed some contracts based on our former financial situation....things have changed now. Yes, stress levels are high, its easy to be frustrated, but if possible, take a day and just spend it together doing non-wedding stuff. My FH's birthday is in 2 weeks, but I'm taking him to Atlantic City this Sunday as his gift. The room was $69, food is free, and the day together will be priceless.

We're here- vent away!!!!

I am sorry that you are having such a hard time right now but please don't think that we are all floating by. My Fh and I bust our As*ses to get what we want. We waited until we were out of school and established before we got engaged, 5 years. 5 long broke years. Now that we both make decent money we are having the wedding we, well I, dreamed of. We are paying for it ourselves, no parental help and decided that we are going on the honeymoon of our dreams, in Tahiti. We both work 50+hours at our full time jobs and then I have a 2nd job on the weekends.

I know this is hard for you but know that those of us having all the extras are ready to fall on our faces from the pressure too.

Everything will work out. I feel that way at times too. I co-own my parents house and just re-financed so we can do construction. I couldn't afford my own house so we are making it a mother/daughter house. We have been struggling to save for this wedding and pay for the mortgage because my FH just started a great job but he has to start at the bottom. I am mainly paying for everything. Its really hard planning a wedding, construction, and worrying about how all the bills are going to get paid. I also feel that my FH isn’t into this wedding thing either. I know he really wants to marry me but wants me to do everything. But I have noticed lately that he is really trying to be more involved cause he knows it bothered me and I have a lot of things on my plate. I know evrything will work out and I didn't want you to feel like you are the only one feeling that way!

Sweetie my thoughts and prayers go out to you and your FH. I totally feel your pain and wish the best for you. However, at the end of the day life is SHORT so enjoy the things that you do have. If you have good health that is more than money can ever buy. Happiness comes from within, not from the material things we surround ourselves with. Do the best you can with what you have. Your day will be special as long as you and your FH are happy together. I know it my be easier said then done, but honestly that's the bottom line of it all. Be strong!!!!

I feel like that sometimes on here. I try not to let it get to me and I try not to be jealous. Just because someone else can get married at the hall of my dreams, or have the Tahitian Honeymoon that I can't afford - that doesn't mean that I may not have things in my life that they would wish for. You just have to be happy with what you have and I try to be happy for the girls on here and what they have. Not everything is going to be equal.

I agree with the other girls - don't lose sight of what you DO have! there are always going to be people better off than you as well as worse off than you!

eta: I notice your wedding is on a saturday nite. ahve you thought about a friday nite or sunday nite?

I'm sorry that you are feeling this way. The best thing to do is talk with FH tell him how you are feeling. You and him have to do what is best for you. If his parents are not contributing than they should realize that you have to make decisions based on what you can afford. My friend just got married and her expenses were VERY limited. She did a lot of DIY and had friends help her and the wedding was beautiful. I hope you feel better soon!!

As happy as a wedding is it is always difficult when you see the bills piling up.

Your lucky though your family (parents) want to contribute but cant due to finances. When my wedding planning came up I was getting fingers pointed at the other on who would help me pay for it. (MY parents are separated and mind you they are both doing well in finances) My parents wanted everyone invited but didnt want to help pay for it.

I am not getting a designer dress because well .... I am wearing it for one day. All I care about is how I look and how the dress looks on me. I have seen plenty of people in designer and not do it justice. I bought my dresses on Ebay BTW and they came out great! Custom done and everything.

I am not getting a house because we are in debt at the moment and want to get out of it before we settle down. The small I apartment ... yeah I live in one too with my FH.

Everyone is going through what you are hon trust me I have. Everyone on this board is either taking up second jobs, bringing in lunch, holding back on their manicures at least I know I am. Planning stuff like this is not easy and can ruin your health and your relationship with your loved one.

My advice focus on one thing that means the most to you whether it be the hall, photos, music whatever and treat yourself. So that at least ... you have that. For me it was the hall. My parents were married in their apartment and I wanted something better for myself.

If you need help with how to plan on a low budget ask around. Millions of people here are trying to find ways to save money but still make it sentimental to them.

Take a deep breathe and relax hon you are not alone.