Brides Helping Brides ™ - developing a phobia...

jenny11.9 Posted: Feb 03, 2004 12:27 PM

developing a phobia...

of going out with the baby.

Since we have been housebound, between her 'preemieness' and the weather, home has become a very 'safe' zone I am afraid and I have only been out with the baby to the pediatrician with my husband. I find myself fearing going out a little and am worried about it. I was going to go the market today just to get out and now it's sleeting, but before the weather got weird, I was already anxious about it. I feel like I dont' know how to do anything.

Like how do you bring a baby to the supermarket? Does the infant seat go in the cart? Silly questions like that...I just feel very incapable and I think it's all the time we spent indoors. I just wish we'd have one really beautiful day where I could force myself out the door to experiment!

NovemberSue Posted: Feb 03, 2004 12:35 PM

Re: developing a phobia...

I've seen ladies shopping with their babies in the strollers and they just put everything in the basket under the stroller. (Of course you can't do much shopping because there isn't a lot of space.)
We have friends who had a baby in October and the husband is doing all the grocery shopping for her right now.

anna Posted: Feb 03, 2004 12:40 PM

Re: developing a phobia...

That is SOOOO NORMAL, Jenny !!!!!!!!!!

I was in the same exact boat at first. Actually the first time I brought my niece to my house to sleep over (Before JA was born) I was a total panic driving home (from Queens) as I thought to myself 'WOW I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS PRECIOUS CHILD IN MY CAR!!! ' Its kind of overwhelming when you think of it that way

But you quickly get used to bringing the little ones everywhere. My first trips with JA were local driving. To MomsClub gtgs, playgroups and to the local stores.

As far as the grocery stores, I used to put his carseat in the cart itself. Yes it took up the whole cart, but I felt comfortable that I can see him right in front of me The carseat would rock a little in there, but he slept most of the time or looked around. I got used to it quickly and in no time, I began putting him in the carseats that are already attached to the carts. But that was at least by 3-4m old, or I think older. Definately keep Sofia in her own carseat for a while. Those carseats on the grocery carts are 'sitting up' and she would totally slouch over in them, and plus, with bad weather, they are always damp and icky

I promise you will adapt to it quickly. I think the weather is a big factor thats slowing you down and its totally understandable.

Day by day hun, you'll see how you become a natural at it all

Teri Posted: Feb 03, 2004 12:41 PM

Re: developing a phobia...

I thought that the car seats were able to snap onto the top of the shopping cart - where that folding bench is? I've seen women do this and it seems easy for them.

jenny11.9 Posted: Feb 03, 2004 12:43 PM

Re: developing a phobia...

thanks guys! I am hoping for a decent day this week - at least one w. no precipitation.

Maybe I'll go to Babies R Us - that way if she screams bloody murder or something I'll be in the right 'hood' for it!

I am sure it will eventually all make sense to me. Right now it feels like a foreign language and it seems so 'not do-able' - I dont' even know how to use her stroller!!!!!

Stacey1403 Posted: Feb 03, 2004 12:46 PM

Re: developing a phobia...

Posted by Teri

I thought that the car seats were able to snap onto the top of the shopping cart - where that folding bench is? I've seen women do this and it seems easy for them.

I tried to do that and it didn't at all feel safe to me, so I did what Anna said and put him in the cart. I felt much better that he was safer!!!

Steve does the major shopping now I only go to pick a few things up. So I usually just put it in the bottom of his stroller

Jenny my fear is germs!!! Since that one time he was sick I'm afraid all the time that he will catch something.

jenny11.9 Posted: Feb 03, 2004 12:48 PM

Re: developing a phobia...

well that is another thing stacey - germs! I want to ----well I NEED to go to the mall and buy jeans. I won't be seeing those pre-pregnancy jeans for a while I don't think. But I am a wreck about bringing her to the mall. So many people - and what if she wakes up and wants to eat? I am in no way equipped to breastfeed in public yet - I am still working on the perfect 'latch on'. I don't think I could juggle baby, and the blanket over her and all that. And she wouldn't be used to it either.

Gosh - is this hard for everybody?

anna Posted: Feb 03, 2004 12:48 PM

Re: developing a phobia...

Jenny funny you said that, in the beginning I was most comfortable going to BRUS with him mommies and babies all around, I felt more in place

and there are diapers in the mommys room in the back if you need while youre in there.
theyre soo accomodating

Stacey1403 Posted: Feb 03, 2004 12:54 PM

Re: developing a phobia...

Jenny we have been BF'd great for 19 weeks and I still can't get the hang of public Bf'd You are not alone.

jenny11.9 Posted: Feb 03, 2004 01:02 PM

Re: developing a phobia...

so what do you do stacey if you need to feed him in public? is he just on such a good schedule that you know when to anticipate that? Because so far with Sophia, it does range around 2.5 - 3 hours, but if she naps and wakes up that is all she wants. I feel so tied down to her needs this way . It's like I cannot plan an outing so I just decide to stay home!

Lee Posted: Feb 03, 2004 01:41 PM

Re: developing a phobia...

Jenny, that is SOOO normal!! Man, I felt like an idiot all the time and was paranoid about going out and I didn't have to deal with this crappy weather in the beginning!!

You know what I was most paranoid about? Driving with the baby...not me, but all those IDIOTS on the road that you don't think about until you have your most precious cargo in the backseat. But you know what, the more you do it the easier it gets. I am positive every new Mom has felt the same way.

Here's how 'stupid' I am:

- I take the baby out for one of our first walks back in early summer it must have been. My SIL lives around the corner. So I walk over there and she (who has 3 kids) is like, 'Oh my God - the sun!! What are you doing?? Put a receiving blanket over the hood of the carriage so you don't hurt his skin and eyes!' So I feel like an idiot until I buy a sun shade for the carriage - then I worry about turning my child into a vampire with a sun allergy! I thought just pulling the hood up was enough, but clearly it was not!

- Yet another early walk in the stroller I'm across the street talking to my neighbor (requisite blanket draped over the carriage). I'm turning the carriage to walk away and she goes 'You know, it's a lot easier without the front wheel breaks on'....um DOY!! I was shoving the thing along wondering why it was so hard to make turns - the wheels rolled they just didn't spin...how nice...

Not to mention the first few times I took him out in the stroller (and this is SUMMER mind you) - he screamed so loud I had to turn around within 1/2 a block and go home so the neighbors wouldn't think I was killing him somehow.

Believe me, it did get much better. Everything seems to work itself out in time. Oh, and you can absolutely put the car seat in the front part of the cart - the graco one had a clip that I used to attach it to the cart. It's all trial and error...don't worry. I keep comforting myself by saying 'Ryan won't remember ANY of this!'

anna Posted: Feb 03, 2004 01:45 PM

Re: developing a phobia...

Posted by Lee

I keep comforting myself by saying 'Ryan won't remember ANY of this!'

LMAO

Lee, thanks for that laugh

and everyones comments to you....
to them!

KathyKelly Posted: Feb 03, 2004 02:07 PM

Re: developing a phobia...

Most of the time I try to leave the girls home when food shopping but I have taken Emily with me and put her car seat in the top seat - it attachs to the bar and it seems locked in. My 3 yr is banned from the supermarket since all she wants to do is hold the bread and then squishes it by holding too tight :) She then decides she is hungry for just about everything in the store - so I learned my lesson for now and if I want a peaceful trip I go ALONE!!!

Stacey1403 Posted: Feb 03, 2004 02:20 PM

Re: developing a phobia...

Posted by jenny11.9

so what do you do stacey if you need to feed him in public? is he just on such a good schedule that you know when to anticipate that? Because so far with Sophia, it does range around 2.5 - 3 hours, but if she naps and wakes up that is all she wants. I feel so tied down to her needs this way . It's like I cannot plan an outing so I just decide to stay home!

Oh in the beginning I never went anywhere public with him or limited the time. I would go to people's houses because I could go into a spare bedroom to feed. He is now eating cereal and fruits so he needs me less (which I had a very hard time with in the beginning but that' a whole different story ) So I can take him out for longer periods of time. I think my problem is that my boobs are so big they are not easily manipulated (Maybe TMI) I still feed him in the football hold which you can't really do aesily in public without exposing the whole breast, and my first name ain't Janet

Once Sophia gets the hang of it it will be much better. The first 6 weeks IMHO are the hardest with BF. Now it is much easier(with the exception of the public part, but that's just me)

Lisalou Posted: Feb 03, 2004 02:24 PM

Re: developing a phobia...

I've thought about how I would deal with this as well. I am a nervous person to begin with. For godsake when I bought my new car I couldn't even drive it home, I was too nervous. How am I going to drive around a baby
As you all have pretty much said, taking baby steps starts you off.

Claud2001 Posted: Feb 03, 2004 02:53 PM

Re: developing a phobia...

Jenny...not that you need another similar answer...but, this is all VERY NORMAL!

I went through ALOT of the same things that you (and the other Mommies) have described. I think it has a lot to do with getting your head around the fact that you now have this immense responsibility....it is normal to feel like you're not sure you can handle it.

To give you an idea...I had the grocery cart problem too...AND, I also suffered from 'forgetfullness' alot...I was so preoccupied with making sure Paul was safe, etc. that when I arrived at whatever store, I'd FORGET what I went there to buy! I totally felt 'dumb' and like I was losing my mind! But, it does get better!!!

TJW Posted: Feb 03, 2004 05:30 PM

Re: developing a phobia...

I went thru the same thing too. In the first 2 months I had such a fear of going out with her. I was always afraid that she was going to start crying in public and I wouldnt know what to do. After forcing myself to just get out there a few times it became alot easier and I am now better able to read her moods. I never was able to do the breast feeding thing in public. I, too, am very big up top and there is no way that I could have done it discreetly. We were supplementing her with EBM right from the start so I was always able to pack a bottle to take along just in case. I also always keep a stocked diaper bag so I am not caught without a binky or extra clothes just in case!

JennRenee Posted: Feb 03, 2004 05:45 PM

Re: developing a phobia...

I felt the SAME way! Nicky went only to my mom's and the doctor until he was 8 weeks old, and now he only goes out with me once in a while. I have the germ fear as well. I took hm to visit my class today and only stayed about 2 minutes with the stroller netting over him so no one could touch him!!!