DH and I Went to See His Mother in Conneticuit Last Night!! IT WAS VERY SAD!!

Boop2704 Posted: Apr 08, 2005 12:31 PM

DH and I Went to See His Mother in Conneticuit Last Night!! IT WAS VERY SAD!!

Sadly, last night was the first time I met my mother-in-law and probably the last time. She was unconcious from the morphine drip she is on, so she didn't really even know we were there. It was really hard. We got there and DH looked at his mother, after not seeing her for 15 years and I could see the tears and pain in his face. There was so much he wanted to ask her about the past but was unable to at this point. But with everything that went on 15 years ago, the things she said and did to hurt him, I made sure to point out to him, while we were in her house, how much she really did love him. The house was covered in pictures of her three children, their baby pictures were framed and right in the ceter of her dresser, she had little ceramic kittens her kids painted for her when they were young up on a shelf in the living room. I made sure to make him understand that she loved him and that somehow, because of her illness and stupid husband she could not contact him. But we did find a lot of stuff out last night. She knew we were married, she always knew where he was. She always was checking to make sure her children were ok. It really was sad. The only question my DH and his sisters could ask the husband was WHY?? Why he waited so long to find them. The truth is, it is because of her husband that she did not contact her children. She was a sick and vulnerable woman and he took advantage of that. Thankfully he loved my husbands mother very much, but he denied her and her children a relationship and that kills me. To know that she wanted to see them and looked them up and her husband denied her the chance to contact them really hurts. There is a lot of hurt, that will not go away any time soon for any of them. Thankfully the husband has told DH and his sisters that there are a lot of things that he knows they will want of their mothers that he will definitely give them when the time comes. He also mentioned that her children are in her will, which he will go over with them. It was so so sad. I really am upset that I did not push my DH sooner to contact her. I asked him two years ago and he wouldn't talk to me about it. I now really wish I had pushed him. He asked the husband why he didn't contact them two years ago when his mother got sick, and all he kept saying was she could have been at my wedding. I know that will always bother him that she was not there. The husband also kept saying that he would like to keep in touch with the kids after his mom passes. I thought that was so DUMB of him to say and I really don't understand it. He would not let their mother have contact with them all these years , but now that she is gone, he wants to keep in contact with them. It really is a sad situation. We are most likely going to go back today, to try and see her while she is awake, so she can see my husband. I just feel awful because its so late and her children will never have questions answered. Sorry this is so long, it feels good to get it out though and DH isn't much into talking about it right now. Thank you!! And please say a prayer for his mom. She is at the end, and it is only a matter of time now.

TwoBugs Posted: Apr 08, 2005 12:33 PM

Re: DH and I Went to See His Mother in Conneticuit Last Night!! IT WAS VERY SAD!!

I'm so sorry, about everything. What a terrible situation.

Janice Posted: Apr 08, 2005 12:34 PM

Re: DH and I Went to See His Mother in Conneticuit Last Night!! IT WAS VERY SAD!!

what a story,

RedHead Posted: Apr 08, 2005 12:34 PM

Re: DH and I Went to See His Mother in Conneticuit Last Night!! IT WAS VERY SAD!!

Shorty McBride Posted: Apr 08, 2005 12:34 PM

Re: DH and I Went to See His Mother in Conneticuit Last Night!! IT WAS VERY SAD!!

I'm glad you were there to support your DH.

Jax430 Posted: Apr 08, 2005 12:35 PM

Re: DH and I Went to See His Mother in Conneticuit Last Night!! IT WAS VERY SAD!!

Please don't blame yourself for not pushing DH to see his mother sooner. It was something he had to come to on his own, when he was emotionally ready. I'm sorry he has to struggle with this right now.

swags1016 Posted: Apr 08, 2005 12:39 PM

Re: DH and I Went to See His Mother in Conneticuit Last Night!! IT WAS VERY SAD!!

awwwwwww Jaime I am glad that you pushed him to go, I would hate for him to live with a regret that he couldn't change.

bedda26 Posted: Apr 08, 2005 12:44 PM

Re: DH and I Went to See His Mother in Conneticuit Last Night!! IT WAS VERY SAD!!

TracyInQueens Posted: Apr 08, 2005 12:50 PM

Re: DH and I Went to See His Mother in Conneticuit Last Night!! IT WAS VERY SAD!!

Jax is right, he had to come to that decision on his own. to both of you.

kdelace Posted: Apr 08, 2005 12:53 PM

Re: DH and I Went to See His Mother in Conneticuit Last Night!! IT WAS VERY SAD!!

jaime lots of hugs for you and your hubby and family....

july06bride Posted: Apr 08, 2005 12:55 PM

Re: DH and I Went to See His Mother in Conneticuit Last Night!! IT WAS VERY SAD!!

what a difficult situation...your husband , his family, and you are in my prayers

Boop2704 Posted: Apr 08, 2005 12:57 PM

Re: DH and I Went to See His Mother in Conneticuit Last Night!! IT WAS VERY SAD!!

I know he had to come to the decision on his own, but its so sad, he had looked for his mom a while back but could not find a listing for her. Turns out that they had moved to Conneticuit and he didn't know that and he was looking her up in NY.
Oh and one more thing that really bothered me that the husband said was, that HE felt it was time to call them. HE felt they had a right to see their mother before she died. I know I am looking to blame someone for the whole situation, but truthfully, it was this husband. My husband and his sisters have a lot to say to him, but last night was not the time or place, but I know once she passes everything is going to come out.

JimmysBride Posted: Apr 08, 2005 01:00 PM

Re: DH and I Went to See His Mother in Conneticuit Last Night!! IT WAS VERY SAD!!

This is a very tough situation and it seems like you are being a very loving supportive wife to your husband.

Moehick Posted: Apr 08, 2005 01:02 PM

Re: DH and I Went to See His Mother in Conneticuit Last Night!! IT WAS VERY SAD!!

So sorry to hear this

shamrock12472 Posted: Apr 08, 2005 01:03 PM

Re: DH and I Went to See His Mother in Conneticuit Last Night!! IT WAS VERY SAD!!

I'm glad that you and your Dh have been able to make steps that are good for him. I cried reading your story. Unfortunately, I don't think that your DH would have ever gotten answers that satisfied him regardless of where his mom was with her illness. There just aren't any answers. As far as her husband, maybe seeing how strong the bond can be between mother and children has changed his mind. You never know. I really hope this will help your husband to heal and become a better man that will add so much to this world.

ambersmom Posted: Apr 08, 2005 01:21 PM

Re: DH and I Went to See His Mother in Conneticuit Last Night!! IT WAS VERY SAD!!

I agree with the other poster, this experience will help to bring him closure and some peace in his life. How sad for everyone involved

lullabella Posted: Apr 08, 2005 01:47 PM

Re: DH and I Went to See His Mother in Conneticuit Last Night!! IT WAS VERY SAD!!

I am so sorry for you and your DH. He must be going through so much right now. Can I ask a question? Sorry if I am prying but how did the husband keep her from her children? She couldn't have looked for them on her own. Again sorry if I am prying, please don't feel like you need to answer.

Boop2704 Posted: Apr 08, 2005 01:54 PM

Re: DH and I Went to See His Mother in Conneticuit Last Night!! IT WAS VERY SAD!!

Posted by lullabella

I am so sorry for you and your DH. He must be going through so much right now. Can I ask a question? Sorry if I am prying but how did the husband keep her from her children? She couldn't have looked for them on her own. Again sorry if I am prying, please don't feel like you need to answer.

Without going into too much, his mother has been a very sick woman most of her life. At the time she met this husband she was institutionalized and very vulnerable. He in a nutshell, knowing her vulnerability turned her away from her children. It goes a lot deeper, but that is the jist of it!! When she would try to look them up, she needed his help to do so and he filled her with wrong info.

ETA- The husband also leaned over DH's mother when we got there last night and kissed her head and said, see you got you last wish, I LET your children come to see you.

Boop2704 Posted: Apr 08, 2005 04:43 PM

Re: DH and I Went to See His Mother in Conneticuit Last Night!! IT WAS VERY SAD!!

Well, now I am crying. Last night when we went to see his mom she was asleep the whole time from the Morphine. Didn't wake up once to know we were there. While we were standing there, DH said she doesn't even know we are here. I told him yes she does, even though she is drugged, she still knows we are here. Well, we talked to the husband before and he said DH's mother woke up this morning and asked if Michael and Jaime were still here. He told her we had left and she fell back to sleep and has not woken up at all the rest of the day. I think we may go back tonight. I really want to go back, just on the off chance that she will wake up for a few minutes and I can actually meet her before it is too late.