Did anyone else have this issue with RSVPing Vent for FH

Rob-luvs-me Posted: Feb 24, 2004 06:26 PM

Did anyone else have this issue with RSVPing Vent for FH

I feel HORRIBLE for FH. I don't know if it is FMIL or what - but for i.e my shower is this sat. and his mother told FH who she needed to have invited - well she told him she spoke to them and that except for 2 they were coming - well ALMOST all of them are either NOT coming or HAVE NEVER bothered to RSVP - and don't return my BM's calls OR when called say they aren't coming

Well NOW we have gotten 17 responses so far for the wedding with 24 people coming and 6 not coming ALL 6 are HIS SIDE (he has a very small family so many are his mothers firends)- and they were all DEFINITES by his mother - his mother only invited like 30 people and only 12 were DEFINITES poor FH is sooo upset his father REFUSED to invite a SINGLE GUEST - and now his whole family is NOT coming to the wedding.

After speaking to his mother and his brother he is thinking that many of these people still hold a grudge that they weren't invited to his SIL's baby shower and are now taking it out on him the poor guy looks totally dejected and keeps saying I am not going to have any family or people on my side at the wedding

nferrandi Posted: Feb 24, 2004 06:30 PM

Re: Did anyone else have this issue with RSVPing Vent for FH

Unfortunately, there's no too much you can do about it. If there are specific people that he really cares about who are thinking of not attending, maybe you can call them personally and let them know how important it is to your FH that they be a part of your wedding. That's the only thing I can think of. Otherwise, let him invite extra friends, so at least he feels like poeple he cares about are there too.

franksbride Posted: Feb 24, 2004 06:34 PM

Re: Did anyone else have this issue with RSVPing Vent for FH

to your FH!!!

If these people are holding a grudge...that is immature...and you're better off not having them at your wedding!!!

Rob-luvs-me Posted: Feb 24, 2004 06:36 PM

Re: Did anyone else have this issue with RSVPing Vent for FH

I wish I could but I DON'T know ANY of these people I have NEVER met any of them - other than his SIL and her parents and brothers and I have no idea if they are coming or not. FBIL wants to tell them they are NOT allowed to come so they can babysit his three kids -

Unfortunately - he has a very small family and they don't get together - his parents are divorced and his brother spends all the holidays with HIS WIFE's FAMILY and they NEVER INVITE HIS OWN MOTHER! -

As for the inviting more people we didn't do a B list - we just invited everyone we wanted - as it was every time we asked her for a FINAL guest list - she would be like HMMM MAYBE I could invite some people from work can I give that to you NEXT month - so my family got a little annoyed because she was giving us OLD addresses - so we got a lot of things returned - THE HINT should have been when she called some of these people AND THEY NEVER CALLED HER BACK -

SO I guess this is a little VENT on FMIL as well

nferrandi Posted: Feb 24, 2004 06:49 PM

Re: Did anyone else have this issue with RSVPing Vent for FH

As far as the babysitter goes, maybe you and your FH can arrange for someting so that everyone can attend the wedding. It would be completely selfish of FBIL to expect people to not attend so his kids have a sitter, that's just ridiculous!

Rob-luvs-me Posted: Feb 24, 2004 06:52 PM

Re: Did anyone else have this issue with RSVPing Vent for FH

I wish that was the issue - we would have offered that a LONG time ago. NO THEY DON'T WANT TO COME HOME THAT NIGHT because they want to get totally plastered (they are in their mid 30's) so they can 'only have family take care of them'

nferrandi Posted: Feb 24, 2004 07:00 PM

Re: Did anyone else have this issue with RSVPing Vent for FH

OK, what about this... you get a sitter to stay at whatever hotel they're booked at, or maybe you could just invite the kids to the wedding? What about the in-laws on the other side, can't they watch them?

Rob-luvs-me Posted: Feb 24, 2004 07:12 PM

Re: Did anyone else have this issue with RSVPing Vent for FH

ALL excellent ideas!!!!! BUT they told us we were FORBIDDEN from inviting the kids since they want to party and will refuse to watch them (they are WILD obnoxious kids who need CONSTANT attention) and we are not having young kids at the wedding -
(HIS WHOLE family does NOT want the kids there since they are to much of a handful and they don't want to watch them)

We tried to do the hotel idea that is what our other guests are doing but again THEY DON'T want to go home (they live on LI) they WANT TWO NIGHTS AWAY completely from their kids - so I don't know what will happen in the end - see FSIL makes all the decisions and FBIL just goes alone - it is apparently a family problem

Well that is the issue FH's only real family IS FSIL's parents, brothers etc - those are the only people that get together anymore -

LISTEN FH's family is just not I guess what I am used to - they don't get together, in fact he found out his god parents (FMIL's cousins) (FMIL and FFIL are only children) DROVE to NY for his god father's mother's funeral - THEY DID NOT CALL A SINGLE PERSON IN THE FAMILY TO LET THEM KNOW THEY WERE HERE FOR 3 WEEKS UNTIL THEY GOT BACK TO FLORIDA.

Neferrandi - THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for all of your wonderful suggestions - I only wish it was one we hadn't tried - it is VERY much like: FMIL still hasn't gotten FH's grandfather an aide for the wedding yet - so Fh is trying to set one up now from MI because he KNOWS his mother WON'T do it - and his 91 year old grandfather CAN'T go without one - he is legally blind, can barely walk - and got TRASHED and VERY SICK at our e-party because NO ONE was watching him - he had 6 or so glasses of wine in 1 hour ON MEDICATION - becuase FMIL was running around staring at FFIL instead of watching him.

OK so does anyone else feel like they are marrying into a circus?

nferrandi Posted: Feb 24, 2004 07:24 PM

Re: Did anyone else have this issue with RSVPing Vent for FH

I'm sorry, I'm all out of suggestion!

ETS: If anything else comes to mind I'll let you know!

Rob-luvs-me Posted: Feb 24, 2004 07:28 PM

Re: Did anyone else have this issue with RSVPing Vent for FH

THANK YOU we are open to any suggestions - FH even suggested that 'maybe' his brother might want to let the kids stay with one of their millions of friends with kids the same age -

sarahthegreat Posted: Feb 24, 2004 08:28 PM

Re: Did anyone else have this issue with RSVPing Vent for FH

you poor poor thing. but i know that my fh's fam is a circus. its very hard to keep track of who is not talking to whom and why. my plan is to let my fmil plan the e-party, the shower and THAT's it. She is a major control freak and wants to do everything. I'm learning to ignore it.

Rob-luvs-me Posted: Feb 24, 2004 09:13 PM

Re: Did anyone else have this issue with RSVPing Vent for FH

I feel bad I am not a poor thing my total sympathy is with my FH because he is so upset about his family's behavor and everything I just feel so sorry and don't know what to say to him about it

Then to top it off my family is paying for the wedding - minus the grooms expenses (honeymoon, Rehearsal dinner, tuxes, rings, BP gifts) so now he feels bad because he feels embarssed on top of their behavor for their lack of financial support (FMIL cannot help but has told us how sorry she is that she cannot because she would give us anything that she had if she could)

I just never know what to say to FH to make him feel better - I keep stress that he will be VERY welcome in my family - my grandmother tells him all the time how amazing he is - they treat him MUCH better than his own family does - that is my only comfort to him now - I feel more horrible because I feel like this garbage is affecting his studies (he is 2nd year of law school and finals are easter week)

swags1016 Posted: Feb 24, 2004 09:19 PM

Re: Did anyone else have this issue with RSVPing Vent for FH

Christine I am so sorry. Frankie went through this with a lot of his friends and some family. I was thinking coming from a big Italian family that they would all be there with bells on and they weren't. It is sad. You know the expression wedding bring out the worst in people. Please tell you DF that he is not the only one that has went through this and to try and keep his chin up!!!! I know it is hard but the people that will be there are the ones that love you and want to celebrate your love!!!

Rob-luvs-me Posted: Feb 24, 2004 09:24 PM

Re: Did anyone else have this issue with RSVPing Vent for FH

Posted by swags1016

Christine I am so sorry. Frankie went through this with a lot of his friends and some family. I was thinking coming from a big Italian family that they would all be there with bells on and they weren't.

THANK YOU Jamie that meant a lot - FH tells me his grandfather is VERY angry and upset - he is in his 90's and (italian) and feels it is DISRESPECTFUL that these people aren't coming (obviously NOT the ones with conflicts) but these people are just saying NO and no reason - but had told FMIL and her father that they would be at the wedding - he thinks this might be his last real family event and it upsets him as well