Did I do the right thing?

Sorry this turned out to be so long---

So I posted awhile ago that I was having some major issues with my mom. Long story short, she's emotionally manipulative to the point where I was considering cutting her out of my life. Since then things have gotten better. I guess as per the abuser M.O. one day she just stopped being angry with me and decided to be my friend again like nothing happened.

Last night I was really stressed out about a lot of things (finals are approaching and our money situation is going to be really tight until July) and I was on the phone with FH near hysterics. She sent me an email this morning to ask if I was ok and say I could talk to her if I needed to so I ended up unloading this huge email (it took me like 2 hours to write) about all of the things I'm stressed out about (including how her mother treats me like **** when it comes to planning and the nature of my relationship with her).

I feel like it was a necessary thing to do because I got if off my chest and I know that if was back in therapy my therapist would tell me to do just that, but now I'm freaking out because I'm afraid she'll read it and get really angry with me and start fighting with me again. I was really diplomatic and tried to not be mean to her about it (saying things like 'I don't feel supported' versus 'you just yell at me constantly and I hate it!'). Plus I don't like sharing my emotions with her in general.

Do you think I did the right thing? What should I do next?

If you sent the email already. . . I'm not sure there is much more to do but wait & see how she reacts to it.

I have to tell you that I give you props for being able to stand up to her like that. My mom (really step-mom) does the same bs to me. I tell her how I feel all the time & I look like the witch (b) BUT sometimes you just have to get it out. They are not always right and you need to express yourself.

I know it's really hard to do but my therapist used to ask me all the time why my parent's 'judgement' or words meant so much to me and why I couldn't just let go and take it with a grain of salt. Sometimes I just breath deep but I am a natural fighter and it gets me into more trouble. I think you did the right thing.

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Posted by RobNCyn

If you sent the email already. . . I'm not sure there is much more to do but wait & see how she reacts to it.

I have to tell you that I give you props for being able to stand up to her like that. My mom (really step-mom) does the same bs to me. I tell her how I feel all the time & I look like the witch (b) BUT sometimes you just have to get it out. They are not always right and you need to express yourself.

I know it's really hard to do but my therapist used to ask me all the time why my parent's 'judgement' or words meant so much to me and why I couldn't just let go and take it with a grain of salt. Sometimes I just breath deep but I am a natural fighter and it gets me into more trouble. I think you did the right thing.

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Thanks for the advice, I appreciate it. I think I've read about the situation with your step-mom before. It's tough no matter who the parent is. I'm a natural fighter too and the need to be defensive has gotten stronger since I moved back home a couple of years ago. I guess the best I can do is at least know I tried and if it doesn't work, let it go.

I think you did the right thing. It sounds like you really thought about what you said and didn't just impulsively spill out all your negative emotions. It's not healthy to hold everything in. Now you just have to wait to see how she reacts to it. Hopefully she'll be rational and understand where you're coming from. Keep us updated.