Some girls I know are close to giving their bfs an ultimatum of getting engaged or walking.
i'm wondering if this tactic works...
drpepper318
Posted:
Member since
Re: Did you have to 'pressure' FH for a ring?
NO WAY!!! It's one thing to let him know you're ready to be engaged, that's fine. But giving an ultimatum is just a form of manipulation... if he's not ready, there are only 2 choices: wait for him to become ready, or move on without him.
Goldi1021
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Re: Did you have to 'pressure' FH for a ring?
We knew when we were ready and he told me when I could expect to have a ring. There was a lot of uncertainty (in regard to my father's health) at the time of our engagement and though some may feel as if it wasn't romantic or full of fanfare, it was right for us. However, There was nothing I could have said or done to MAKE him buy a ring if he wasnt ready to. And to be honest, I dont know if Id want a man in my life who has to be led to do things. I needed one with a backbone, not a leash. The way in which he gave it to me was a surprise though
MichLiz213
Posted:
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Re: Did you have to 'pressure' FH for a ring?
No. And I actually told him I didn't want him spending all that money yet. I'm glad he did though, I think it helped us grow closer as a couple and has made us mature even more.
October Bliss
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Re: Did you have to 'pressure' FH for a ring?
I only know of one case. My brother's ex-girlfriend gave him an ultimatum. At the time she gave him the deadline they had been dating longer than my other brother had been married (I think my bro was married 8 years, and other bro & gf had been dating for 10). In the end it worked for her b/c my brother didn't propose, moved out, she meet someone else, got married and has 7 year old twins. My brother is still single.
MJDoc12
Posted:
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Re: Did you have to 'pressure' FH for a ring?
we talked about it a lot, no pressure.
i think girls who give ultimatums--are missing the big picture. if you have to 'pressure' him, then why do you want to be with them? i mean this board is FULL of girls who's FH's all WANTED to propose, and WANT to get married. every single woman on this earth deserves to be with someone who completely and utterly WANT her. (and vice versa)
to me, if i pressured my guy, and he proposed. i would never be able to shake the huge question in my mind: Did he propose cause I'm the ONE or cause he just didn't want to lose me and have to start new with someone else?
I sort of did that. I just figured that after 2 years you know if you want to be with someone or not. So last summer things got a little 'confusing' and he broke up with me. I decided that I wasn't going to sit home and cry over him- his loss not mine. I went out.....alot. I met people and went out on many dates. Well, FH caught wind of it (of course I made sure he did ) And the next thing you know i'm getting roses and candy sent to my door. We got back together and are getting married in 9 months. To be honest, it just worked out that way. I left it up to fate. I made sure he knew I wasn't home sulking over him and I knew if he came back then it was going to be for good. If he didn't come back then it wasn't meant to be. But luckily, it was meant to be!
Goldi1021
Posted:
Member since
Re: Did you have to 'pressure' FH for a ring?
I think there are many cases when a man has to POOP or get off the pot. I dated a guy like that once. He wasn't ready and we split. I think that if after a certain amount of time passes and there are no other issues (such as money or anything else) then a man has to decide. If he can't well, nobody is making a woman stay either. I made that mistake. I ended up devastated with a broken heart. I should have been strong enough to leave but he became my whole world and I was not strong or confident enough to let him go. So forcing the issue made us BOTH miserable.
The best thing that came from that experience was years of introspection and character building which led me to who I am now - a happily married woman (TO SOMEONE ELSE!)
EJSD2006
Posted:
Member since
Re: Did you have to 'pressure' FH for a ring?
DH and I talked about marriage alot. We had an argument at one point because we talked about it so much but I told him i felt like that was all we ever did...talk. He then proceeded to tell me that we will be engaged before the end of the year and not to worry, he was just waiting for the perfect time. So in my case, no ultimatum.
However, my psycho ex-BM gave her now FH an ultimatum. He got transferred out of state for work and he asked her to move with him. But she told him that she wouldnt be moving anywhere with him unless he proposed...so he did. They got engaged last September and havent made ANY wedding plans yet! I guess that's what happens when you force someone to marry you!
PS - she's miserable in her new town! she's very lonely and i'm sure this isn't make the awkwardness any better!!!
