Difficult Mothers

Original post by Goldi1021

Feb 04, 2005 07:56 PM

Ok First and foremost, I should say that I am very fortunate to have a family who is able to provide a beautiful wedding for me.

We have not yet decided on who will be doing the flowers on my wedding day. I am not a young 20something bride rather a mid 30s delight (UGH). I have a preference for understated elegance rather than overstated opulence when it comes to the decor of my wedding.

I sat with my mom just throwing around some ideas that I have seen around - some here on LIW and it seems to me as if she is hell-bent on having floral arrangements that suit her tastes. I DON'T want high floral arrangements - she does. I prefer a subdued low type of thing. I DON'T want ANY white or super light pastel colors in any of my arrangements - she does. Mom is having a very hard time thinking outside of her box.

She calls me closed-minded because of my OPINIONS. Now where I come from an opinion is never wrong. I won't have some sort of epiphany that says 'Gee, I now like tomatoes after 34 years of despising them.'

So basically, what it boils down to is this: I feel as if the fact that my family is providing for my wedding is being held over my head and I have to sacrifice my preferences in decor (and probably music too) because of this. Maybe 'sacrifice' is too strong of a word. Mom is almost 40 years older than I am - our tastes will NOT be the same.

Any suggestions (or drugs ) that may help me deal with an overbearing mother would be appreciated.

Goldi1021 Posted: Feb 06, 2005 12:14 AM

Re: Difficult Mothers

It is so sweet of you to think about me that way. I always knew I wouldn't have mom and dad around for some special events in my life, but you never know how you are going to deal with things til they happen. I get through things knowing I was blessed to have had experienced parents who taught us how to take care of family in times of crisis.

And now as I begin a new phase of my life, I am grateful to have a great love in my father and a great new love in my FH. My father is such an incredible person who always put his wife and children first. As I look back, I realize that he showed me the qualities I admire in a man and how to choose a good husband. I only regret that Dad and FH did not have enough time to cultivate a good relationship. They would have adored each other.

Thank you again!

2bewedin04 Posted: Feb 06, 2005 09:13 AM

Re: Difficult Mothers

Hi Goldi ... I don't post that much anymore but had to respond to this one because it struck a cord. I was an opinionated (nothing wrong with that) 30 something year old bride too and struggled with my parents on every aspect of our wedding. In the end, we compromised on a lot of things, but there were battles. The flowers were one of the biggest battles ... I did NOT want big flowers or high flowers or too many flowers. I also only wanted white flowers on the Chuppah and not too many. In the end, we got a few high and a few low centerpieces, and the flowers, though colorful and a bit more than I would have wanted, really were beautiful. If I still have pictures, I'll try and post.

On the video, when my dad was asked to comment, he said, 'I'm surprised we're allowed to talk because for the past year we have had to ask for permission. Have the bride and groom given us permission to talk?' It was pretty funny, and I'm glad we laugh about it now.

Try to remember that this day really IS about them too. I know it's hard but when you get there, you will realize that this day is about ALL of you, i.e. everyone you really care about, coming together to celebrate. Compromises are okay ... get used to it. That's what marriage is all about!

In short, you are entitled to your opinions and anything you REALLY want you should get no matter who pays. But, don't forget what this day is really about. There are only a few happy occassions in our lives where everyone we care about is in one room.

Congrats!