Dilema (very long...sorry)

Okay so I work for the most evil human being on earth, she is mean, disrespectful, vengeful, down right abusive person. In the year that I have worked there have been countless times I’ve had to leave my office and take a walk because I was so close to tears, and I’ll be D*mmed if I give her the satisfaction of seeing me cry. I get stomach aches when on Sunday night because I know I have to face my horrible job, I have started getting stress pains in my neck & shoulders, and I have very close to what I can only assume is a panic attack because of my job (this had never happened to me before this job)

She is so mean that she said because I asked the top boss for the time off for my wedding instead of her (she was on vacation when I did this) she said she didn’t know if she could approve my time off for my wedding….well that’s when I decided that she was just plain crazy!!! I have to tell you I almost laughed in her face cuz I knew how ridicules she was. I wanted so badly to tell her that I was not asking for permission to take time off for my wedding I was informing her that I WILL be taking the time off to get married.

Well long story short… I have been on a few interviews and I just received a really good offer, my problem is that the person I would be reporting to is also a woman and I am so concerned that I will have the same experience at the new position…I just feel like I would prefer to work for a man….believe me I am by no means a chauvinist but my experience at this job has been so brutally bad that I am scared I am not a good judge of character as far as being able to tell if this person will be a nice, supportive, open, honest person to work for. I have to to give them an answer with in 2 days…I just don’t know what to do. FH and I are going to talk about it tonight.

PS: a big part of me is jumping for joy cause there is light at the end of this crazy tunnel I have been in for a year.

I feel your pain, I really do. I'm absolutely miserable where I am, but I am absolutely stuck until I get my PhD. I work for a man and he is so insensitive. He'll say things just to hurt me. Trust me, it depends on the person you work for, not the sex of the person. There are really nice males and females out there, and they are really mean males and females. Could you tell what kind of person your current boss is from your interviews? Even if it is in retrospect, it will help you to know if the woman you may work for in the future is also a mean person, or if she's nice. I know, you never can be sure. I also really liked my boss for a little while before I realized what an A$$ he is. It's always a risk starting a new job, but it has to be better than what you are going through now. FM me if you want to talk

I can see your concern in working for another woman in fear that she'll treat you the same way. I'm sorry that this shrew has had this kind of influence over you for the past year. I think you should go ahead and take the job offer. Not every female boss is so horrible, and some male bosses are too so you never really know. I figure it can't get any worse and you might as well take the chance to improve your situation. Have you interviewed with this woman? You should be able to tell from that how well the 2 of you will get along and whether or not you'll be able to have a happy working relationship. HTH!! GL!!!

first off, sorry that you are dealing with this. its amazing how people are given a littel bit of power and it goes right to there heads.

i think we all know what its like to hate a job so much we make ourselves sick. its not worth it. talk to the other woman at the other job and see how that goes.

good luck

I'm sorry your in this dilemma I agree with the girls - you can definitely have bad and good experiences with both genders. I would take the chance and take the new job. Your very unhappy now and this could work out much better for you. JMO. Good luck whatever your decision is

I completely understand your reservation on working for another woman. Many moons ago I almost didn't take a position because I had to work for a woman (I was young and stupid) but it turned out that she was GREAT to work for and we had a wonderful relationship. Now I work for three men and two out of the three are just OK. They have their days to be nice and some that they are just a$$es.

I say go for it. At this point it can't get any worse.

Did we work for the same woman????

I worked for 2 women in my time that were both horrors to work for. Almost completely turned me off women bosses as well. (One was in the city, the other in Farmingdale)

But everyone is right, it depends on the person and not the gender. I had a boss from hell when I worked for the IRS. I got stuck with him because no one wanted to work for him. I could have had a harassment suit against him if I had the patience to deal with it.

I say go for the new job. Life is way too short to spend it being miserable every day!!! Trust me!!

I had a very similar thing happen. I went through all that you are going through. I left. I couldn't take it.

I ended up going through a few more jobs (short term) and finally ended up where I am now-working for a woman. She is the best boss..busy and high level but not full of herself.

I know you're frightened, but you have nothing to lose. You can only get a better job in a better place working for a better boss.

Good luck!

I'm so sorry to hear that!!! I would say try the new job - your fear is absolutely understandable, however, at this point I'd try the new female boss. She could be the same kind of person or she could be a wonderful boss (i'm praying she's wonderful to you). If she's bad find a new job!

Let us know what you decide and how it all works out!!

Thank you guys, I really appreciate all your kind words.
I guess I should have added that when I interviewed for my current job, I interview with my crazy boss, and LOVED her, which is why I feel like I am a bad judge of character , How could I be so wrong. I thought she was so nice, I was excited to work for her. Then I started my new job and she ignored me for the first two weeks, and then it went down hill from there.

But the main reason I am scared to work for a woman is that in my previous job (public accounting) I had a couple of women bosses and a couple of male bosses and the women were really not nice not just to me but to all my other co-workers.

I think what I am scared of is that women in power have to be mean or b*tchy to compete in such a male dominated business world. Unfortunately we women have to prove ourselves in the work force; it saddens me that instead of helping those women coming up under us some women tend to be threaten by other women. I am at a point in my career now that I am a supervisor, and I am so aware not to become like these women. In my previous job, I even had a couple people request that they work on some of my jobs, I took that as the highest of compliments. I just hope to find some one that will do the same for me.

FH & I are going to really talk about this offer tonight and I think by Thursday I will have made a decision. I’m really lucky that my FH has been so supportive thought out this year, he has told me countless time to just quit on the spot take some time of for my self and he would support the both of us. I love him for that but with a wedding to pay for (we are paying for everything ourselves) and a house to buy, I just can’t put us in that position.

I’ll keep you guys posted…

It can't get worse!!!!

P.S.- I work for women, and with women, and I LOVEEEEE my job! We are all girly friends here, it's great.
Can't get worse, I say go for it!

you should not STAY miserable because you think you MAY be miserable in a new situation. people are generally on their best behavior during interviews- you are wooing each other essentially. just don't be prejudiced by this experience.

take the offer and run- and if this has showed you anything, you will realize that even if this next one is a kook- there will be another, but extricate yourself from you current job NOW! opportunity is knocking- open the door and see what's there.

She's probably
A) married and hates Her Hubbie,
B) jealous you are getting married and not her
C) you are way prettier then her.

I hope this cheered you alittle.

I was in the same situation, I left my job because of a woman who would tornt me all day long. She would purposely pick fights because she knew I wouldn't fight back until one day I got in her face and told her to go F herself and walk out of work. A month later I heard she left and the manager wanted me to come back, I said know because they never took my complaint seriously.


Leave now before things get even worse.

i worked for a woman who was evil as well. she had unrealistic expectations, was condecending, and swore you never knew what you were doing - beating you emotionally while piling on your work load to make you doubly stressed. i have since left and took another job working for a woman - my current boss is incredible - any woman can learn a lot from her - but she is so independent i feel like i do not do enough for her. she likes to handle everything herslef - and i feel like i am prying the work from her to give to me.

it is good though - because she is a pleasure to deal with and we get along great. she is very flexible and it was really nice to begin to work somewhere where they recognize that you are a person - not a machine.

i had the same reservations as you did - i sooo wanted to work for a man (evil was also my first female boss) but i am glad i took the job and i am glad i work for my current boss.