For my wedding, I'm planning to have my 2 sister's as matron's of honor. I'm very close to both of them. They each have two children - and I'm including them as well (two jr. bridesmaids, flower girl, etc.)
My fh is planning to have 4 ushers and his best man. (I don't mind that we're not having an even number of bridesmaids/ushers).
The problem is this: my fh has two children from his previous marriage.
He has one adult daughter (age 23) and a son (11).
FH is thinking of also including his son in the bridal party - maybe as a ring bearer or something.
I really don't want any other bridesmaids in my bridal party. I want my 2 sisters and their (4) children - I think that's enough!
This is going to sound terrible and very shallow but it's really on my mind. I like my fh daughter very much - but she's a little on the heavy side and also has a tattoo on her upper arm. Besides the fact that I don't want a large bridal party, or a tattoo'd arm in my pictures - I'm concerned how she will feel if we include her little brother in the bridal party but not her?? (at this point, she knows she's not part of the bridal party - but I'm wondering what will happen if my fh has his son participate).
I sincerely don't want to hurt her feelings - I would feel terrible about that. The other thing I feel guilty about is that I can't help thinking that because my sister's are in great shape and will look fabulous in any gown they choose - she's a little overweight w/ the tattoo and I'm worried about 'the look'.
Your thoughts please??
ChristineC68
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I think since she will now be part of your immediate family as your step daughter she she should be asked to be in the BP. I imagine she would feel awful being left out. You could chose a dress that would cover up the tattoo or you could ask her to have it covered for the wedding.
NO COMMENT regarding her size.
Xelindrya
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Ow! Tough one!
As a 'tattoed' bride I guess I can see your point about the pictures.. but then again you could just make sure her arm is on the other side if it bothers you that much or have her wear a different gown.
Too many BMs.. yeah.. that's the tough part. I can see your understanding on this perfectly but that's a tough one. I personally would put her in. But I know that's hard since you'd be so uneven. I'm sorry I can't be more helpful, because that is a really tough one.
Not only am I Tattooed.. im a step daughter. I can put myself in her shoes pretty easily. 'big' or otherwise, this is would have been 'one of those moments' not easily forgotten in my life.
Have you asked her? Maybe she'll say no? This is rough, maybe she has a guy friend she can have stand with her in your wedding to add more balance?
Really a tough one... Good Luck
ETA: Your step daughters shape really shouldnt be an issue. Im sure she has enough problems with it that she wouldnt want to feel like 'Oh she didnt let me in cause im Fat!' I mean that's painful. I don't know how she feels about her tattoo, but I know how I feel about mine and I'd be awfully ticked if I was looked over due to it. There are tons of coverups that can be used these days. It's family.. tattoed and all.
Leslie
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Re: DILEMMA!!
I certainly don't mean to offend you or anyone regarding size - but I have to be completely honest about what I'm feeling....
I'm thinking that you're right about including her and I should think of a different style of dress that would suit everyone - maybe somthing with cap sleeves that would cover her tattoo.....
Thanks for your feedback......
Jordan
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Re: DILEMMA!!
I agree, no comment on the size comments. As for tat's - they can be covered up quite easily by makeup these days.
Without knowing your FHs daughter, I would think she would be very hurt to be discluded like that - especially if her brother was being included. It's really up to you and your FH...if you decide to not have her participate, maybe you could have her do a special reading.
usuk2004
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Re: DILEMMA!!
I agree with ChristineC...
I would definitely put her in. Your wedding is not about pictures...it's about people who are important to you and your future husband. How does he feel about his daughter being included or excluded.
If you just can't, then maybe ask her to do a reading?
halloweenbride04
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Re: DILEMMA!!
Can you have her participate in any other way? Not sure what type of ceremony you're having but maybe she can do a reading, present the gifts, pass out programs, bubbles, etc. Maybe if you're doing a unity candle, FH's children can light one taper with a member of your family lighting the other taper.
Quite honestly if it were the 11 year old you wanted to exclude I don't think he'd really know the difference but a 23 year old will. In my opinion you're better off including them both or neither one in the BP. FH's sister is getting married this week and all his siblings are in the BP except for him, he's giving her away with his mom but even as a 30-something he feels a bit jipped. So whatever you decide be sensitive to her feelings.
KathleenG
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I really think she should be included plain and simple. If I were in her situation, I would feel TERRIBLE if my brother was included and I wasn't. If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't want this tension to start off my marriage!!! It could eventually become a nightmare!!! JMO
Maribelle7777
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Re: DILEMMA!!
I personally don't think that size should matter. And tatoos can be covered up with Dermablend - they cover quite nicely.
I think you should either 1) ask her to do a reading or 2) have her in the BP.
Remember, it's FH's wedding too not just yours. I think he would be very happy to know you want his children to be a part of his wedding as well as your family.
Sassyz75
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Re: DILEMMA!!
I don't even know what to say in response to this post. the fact is- this woman is your step daughter and she should be included. You are starting a family here- it's not about the 'look' of the day... and the fact that you would undercut your fiancee's child because of her size makes me feel nervous for your future relationship with her. I'm sure she's a little weirded out by her father getting re-married, it wouldn't hurt for you to extend your hand to her and try to be her friend.
I was a BM when my dad married my step mom- she didn't want me to be in the bridal party but my father insisted- I probably looked a little dorky as a chubby 12 year old in a dress for 25 year olds- but at least I was given the respect of being in the wedding and I was acknowledged as a part of the family.
Leslie
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Thanks everyone!
I know what to do!!!
Nora101004
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Can she do a reading or light a candle or something? Maybe she can walk her dad in? Or change the wedding date to the winter and pick out dresses that cover her tatoo
The Original 2nd-time-around
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Posted by Sassyz75
I don't even know what to say in response to this post. the fact is- this woman is your step daughter and she should be included. You are starting a family here- it's not about the 'look' of the day... and the fact that you would undercut your fiancee's child because of her size makes me feel nervous for your future relationship with her. I'm sure she's a little weirded out by her father getting re-married, it wouldn't hurt for you to extend your hand to her and try to be her friend.
ditto
valentinesbride
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Re: DILEMMA!!
oh goodness, i can't believe what i am reading, someone's size or tattoo shouldn't matter....what is this a beauty contest ? This is your wedding and your future husband should most definitely include his daughter...oh gosh ...i am speechless after that ....
sp04
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Re: DILEMMA!!
Obviously you love this man enough that you are marrying him even though he has two children already. you are accepting of that. therefore you should accept his children no matter what size, shape, features they have. What if the tables were turned and this situation was happening to some female in your family or even yourself. How horrible would you or a family member feel knowing that they can not be in a bridal party because they are 'heavy' or because they have a tattoo on their arm. So what! Big Deal! She has a tattoo. You are not the one with the tattoo right. does your fh know you feel this way? how does he feel regarding this? He should want his daughter in his wedding...
nrvbrd
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Re: DILEMMA!!
Sorry, but I think you were very mean in regards to the SIZE of your future stepdaughter.
I think she should absolutely be included in your wedding party. A wedding is the joining of two lives, two families.
Also, dermablend will cover that tatoo up.
Just to say, I really wanted just a MOH, Best Man, RB, and flower girl- really small, BUT my DH has 3 brothers, and I would not dare tell him they could NOT be in the wedding.
All in all it is your wedding and you will ultimately do what you want, but I think if you want your marriage to start off on the right foot, I would consider FH's ideas.
kathleenmarie
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Re: DILEMMA!!
ok, Im sorry, but this is my opinion only.....I think it kind of sucks to not have someone in the brtidal party because of size. As far as the tat, you can always have her wear a dress that covers it. I wouldnt have one without the other...sorry just my feelings.
Jen_n_Dale
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Re: DILEMMA!!
Definitely ask her. Maybe she will say no. But you definitely don't want to start out on the wrong foot with your new family. Everyone will be looking at the bride not the wedding party.
BriBri529
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Posted by 2nd-time-around
Posted by Sassyz75
I don't even know what to say in response to this post. the fact is- this woman is your step daughter and she should be included. You are starting a family here- it's not about the 'look' of the day... and the fact that you would undercut your fiancee's child because of her size makes me feel nervous for your future relationship with her. I'm sure she's a little weirded out by her father getting re-married, it wouldn't hurt for you to extend your hand to her and try to be her friend.
ditto
I agree completely . . .
LIPrincess00
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I just read your post and had to respond. My BP is being made up of a BM (his best friend), MOH (my sister) and my 10yo future step-daughter. When we first talked marriage the first thing I said was that I had to speak to her mom and make sure she didnt mind that I wanted to include her daughter in the bridal party. I could never and would never exclude her for any reason. How else do we show that we want to be one family if they cant even be included in one of the most important days of our lives. I look forward to her standing beside us, and I wouldnt care what she looked like.
