So one of my bridesmaids is the wife of one of my good friends. I dont have a lot of girl friends so I figured asking her to be my bridemaid would bring us a lot closer and would be really fun bc out of all my friends wives/girlfriends she is def one of my favorites.
So...lately their marriage has been shaky. They dont live together right now and its not looking good at all. My friend (the husband) is miserable right now and i feel a loyalty to him and im totally not choosing sides but i dont know what to do.
So I need to talk to her (havent spoken to her since all this has started about a month or so ago) and i just want to tell her straight up that im not kicking her out of my wedding but i totally understand if she wants out but i dont want it to sound like i WANT her out because i dont. I just dont want her to feel uncomfortable.
Does anyone have any advice???
LeeAnne
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Re: DILEMMA- bridesmaid issue- juicy
i think its a great idea to talk to her. she might be feeling uncomfortable about it and just might not want to bring it up to you and hurt your feelings.
taking your friends feelings into account is so great! you're being a great friend instead of a nasty bridezilla!
Reesy
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Re: DILEMMA- bridesmaid issue- juicy
Just be honest with her and tell her straight up....as a friend she should know you have her best interest at heart.
Dani777
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Re: DILEMMA- bridesmaid issue- juicy
Def. talk to her... I am havng a simular issue...cept they aren't married. My MOH and BM have been dating about 3 years.. they may break up by April, but I made sure to talk to both of them first. I hope they don't call if off, but they have both been unhappy for a long time now.
Suzanner
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Re: DILEMMA- bridesmaid issue- juicy
'straight up that im not kicking her out of my wedding but i totally understand if she wants out but i dont want it to sound like i WANT her out because i dont. I just dont want her to feel uncomfortable'
i think its a great idea to talk to her. she might be feeling uncomfortable about it and just might not want to bring it up to you and hurt your feelings.
taking your friends feelings into account is so great! you're being a great friend instead of a nasty bridezilla!
Totally agree with you!!
meara
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Re: DILEMMA- bridesmaid issue- juicy
Yeah - I would totally talk to her but also be clear that it's not something that she needs to decide now (if it's not critical for you) just say that you just don't want to add stress to anything going on. . you're being very cool and nice about this. . be prepared though that she might assume that you're trying to kick her out, or she thinks he wants her out so just set it up like you did and you should be fine. . good luck
VeggieBride
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Re: DILEMMA- bridesmaid issue- juicy
thank you!
I think im going to wait until after the new year and see how things go with them after the holidays. I just dont want to jump the gun.
geegee827
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Re: DILEMMA- bridesmaid issue- juicy
Posted by Suzanner
'straight up that im not kicking her out of my wedding but i totally understand if she wants out but i dont want it to sound like i WANT her out because i dont. I just dont want her to feel uncomfortable'
Tell her exactly that. That's perfect.
I agree - those exact words work perfectly!
christophersgirl
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Re: DILEMMA- bridesmaid issue- juicy
Posted by VeggieBride
thank you!
I think im going to wait until after the new year and see how things go with them after the holidays. I just dont want to jump the gun.
this is a good idea too
Deeglasser
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Re: DILEMMA- bridesmaid issue- juicy
i had a friend who this happened to... she was in a bridal party with an ex boyfriend... it was definitely AWKWARD. (mostly on his part) if the bride gave her an out, she may have taken it!!! i think you hit the nail on the head... you should say exactly what you said in this post to her... 'i want you to be a part of my special day however, i understand things aren't going well with you and your BF, if you don't feel comfortable being in my BP anymore i won't be hurt.'
BarbieGrl10
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Re: DILEMMA- bridesmaid issue- juicy
Just tell her what you said to us in this post. I think its perfect.
kristentinnelly
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Re: DILEMMA- bridesmaid issue- juicy
I def agree...talk to her
bxbride
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Re: DILEMMA- bridesmaid issue- juicy
maybe you should just wait a few weeks. I just think that couples go through these things sometimes and what if you ask her in not so many words not to be a BM and then they get back together? Its going to be weird. If you're really sure that they're not getting back together then just talk to her and ask her if she's going to feel uncomfortable being in your bridal party and chances are she will be
gina409
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Re: DILEMMA- bridesmaid issue- juicy
i would def talk 2 her and do like u said i dont want to kick u out but if u dont want to be involved anymore i understand..im sure she will be honest and do whatever will give u the least amount of stress..good luck
babylin19
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Re: DILEMMA- bridesmaid issue- juicy
Posted by VeggieBride
So one of my bridesmaids is the wife of one of my good friends. I dont have a lot of girl friends so I figured asking her to be my bridemaid would bring us a lot closer and would be really fun bc out of all my friends wives/girlfriends she is def one of my favorites.
So...lately their marriage has been shaky. They dont live together right now and its not looking good at all. My friend (the husband) is miserable right now and i feel a loyalty to him and im totally not choosing sides but i dont know what to do.
So I need to talk to her (havent spoken to her since all this has started about a month or so ago) and i just want to tell her straight up that im not kicking her out of my wedding but i totally understand if she wants out but i dont want it to sound like i WANT her out because i dont. I just dont want her to feel uncomfortable.
Does anyone have any advice???
I am in the SAME situation. Except she is the MOH and he is the Best man! lol...I would just talk to her. That's what I did. Unfortuantly for me, FH is going to have another talk with her because their situation is really bad. Not on good terms. So, he is going to be the bad guy and say listen, it's not going to work.
Just tell her, I don't want you to think I am kicking you out, cause I am not. But I don't want you to be uncomfortable. I am leaving the decision up to you. I wouldn't have asked you if I didn't want you to be in it. Think about it, and let me know.
Just be honest. Good luck!
FinallyMrsB18
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Re: DILEMMA- bridesmaid issue- juicy
i think how you are going to do is just right....sounds heartfelt and that you are concerned about her
VeggieBride
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Re: DILEMMA- bridesmaid issue- *UPDATE*
So....she just called me. This is the first time talking to her since everything started.
They are getting divorced . So i told her i understood if she wanted out and she agreed and said she just can't do it. I feel so bad for her and i wish i could say something to help but i just drew a blank.
Anyway...i feel like its a big weight lifted but i feel so bad for her.
gina409
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Re: DILEMMA- bridesmaid issue- UPDATE
Posted by VeggieBride
So....she just called me. This is the first time talking to her since everything started.
They are getting divorced . So i told her i understood if she wanted out and she agreed and said she just can't do it. I feel so bad for her and i wish i could say something to help but i just drew a blank.
Anyway...i feel like its a big weight lifted but i feel so bad for her.
aww thats terrible but i think u did the right thing and she was honest in saying its too much for her..im sure she just needs some time and a few good friends to cry on right now
